Debt Free by 40 Debt Diary

patchwork_cat

Hi
reading your diary with interest! I can't believe the bank charges you have got is that just overdrawn and then charge per transaction? We used to bank with Midland and would get £200 in charges a quarter which would promptly put us overdrawn again! Moved to Halifax - although they are incompetent - the charges are much better.

Just a thought on your Bf I know that he is paid sporadically, but I think that it might be a good idea to get an agreement for a minimum amount of money for food each week and then when he is flush a bit more. If he eats at your house most days it is only fair.

oakdale_minx

hi patchwork cat - yes, the charges are for going over overdraft (even if by 1p), clearing transactions that go over o/d limit (again, even if by 1p). The first claim for £610 is for charges this year and the £2,700 (plus the £118 this month) is for 2001 - 2003. If the Abbey represent a cheque it's now £35 I think, charge for clearing a transaction is £20, returned DD's are £30 per time. It's a snowball effect. Going over by just pennies creates one or two charges, so £50 - £60. The next month it will then probably happen again, so another £50 or so - it very quickly adds up. The CAG website has been fantastic with how to go about getting the charges back - if you haven't claimed the charges back from the Midland - claim them!! Go for it! You've nothing to lose and money to gain!

I know..........the OH thing.........sigh.........

oakdale_minx

oh, blimey. Just checked moneyclaim and my first claim for bank charges from the abbey has been acknowledged. Guess I'll be getting a letter from their solicitors soon. Scary, but exciting!

patchwork_cat

Hi
The Midland was 18 years or so ago, but it has stuck with me because like you it had a snowball effect.I'll not make debt free by 40 as 11 days is pushing it to clear - 6K!

oakdale_minx

ooh, that is a shame patchwork cat - I bet I could claim thousands more if I could go back more than 6 years. Aaah, the heady days of 1988 when Iwas offered my first £500 overdraft with Barclays when I was 18. Never had an ounce of money knowledge in my head and I expect I spent it all on pints of snakebite in the student bar at uni..........

I've had my AQA introduction pack through, so I'm hoping to get my online tutorial tomorrow.

gallygirl

oakdale_minx wrote:

Hopefully AQA will get my contract today and then i'll get my log in and I can start answering questions - I'll be a walking font of useless knowledge after a few weeks!!

And then you can enter and win all the pub quizzes too so even more money!!!

oakdale_minx

that's what my boss said when I said they might ask her for a reference!

oakdale_minx

Going to do my letter before action for my big abbey claim later. I can send it tomorrow and it will be going recorded delivery!

Haven't been paid a day early by IMS so I'll have to use the few quid left in my account for food over the next few days and keep my fingers crossed it goes in Monday. It will still only leave me £63 for two weeks for absolutely everything, but as long as I only have to buy food and nothing else comes up, I will be ok. just lots of very detailed meal planning!

Bit stressed and upset by my OH today. Head and back of my neck hurt from thinking about it. Six months ago I (after a few beers) jokingly asked him to tell me he loved me. He never has done and we've been together 3 years. He told me - very very firmly - that he couldn't and wouldn't. He said he couldn't tell anyone that he loved them because he didn't know what it meant. He said if he did tell me it wouldn't mean anything. That has been hard to live with since he said it, but he was only 15 when he lost his mum and his younger brother died suddenly about 8 years ago so I put it down to that....however.....night before last, his 18 year old son called to arrange bringing some keys over. My OH had had a few beers after football training, and on the phone, told him twice 'love you millions' and then 'love you'. It was a shock.

And it hurts. I do sometimes wonder if under his skin is wires and metal rather than bone and muscle, he is so emotionless when it comes to me.......

It really hurts.

Here's hoping something happens to take my mind off it - a nice big pile of credit card statements from capital one or citicards would help!

gallygirl

Aw bless. He obv has 'issues' he needs to work out, but it's good at least he can tell his son, although very hurtful to you. Are the words so important if he shows his love in other ways? (I assume he does???? ).

CosmoCat

oh babe......((((((hugs))))))

there is something much deeper going on with your OH, something that only he can deal with if he is willing to confront it. you've can't have these conversations when you've got a few beers inside of both of you. i suspect you're going to have to wait until you're much calmer and tell him how this all makes you feel.

remember though, you're the one who has taught him for three years that it's alright to not tell you that he loves you. you haven't pushed it, you've justified it all in your mind. you've given yourself reasons for his behaviour. and you've seen that this behaviour only applies to you.

so you have to decide what you're willing to live with. and if his not telling you that he loves you is only a minor hiccup that happens once every few years or so that you're willing to live with, when he shows you all the time that he loves you. or if his not being able to express himself is permeating itself into other aspects of your relationship.

look to your future and decide what you want it to be. make decisions based on that. but make them lovingly for both of you, with compassion. and make sure you talk to him without judgement, just letting him know how you feel.

i send you pure positive thoughts today and always.