Help please - my bf keeps shouting at me!

mikey72

I still disagree.
I've met some very agressive women, who are fairly unpleasant all the time.
I've also met some who are ok, but still obnoxious at certain monthly times.
I've met some that are pleasant all the time.
I don't think the second group can help their behaviour, it's a chemical change, not a voluntary one, or do you believe that only the female half of the human race can't, whereas all men can in some way.
I've also met alot of people I like, and many I don't both male and female, but none of them would enable me to generalise about the entire male or female population.

As for punching the wall, if alot of women think it's normal, and possibly alot of men think it's normal, and we're democratic...........

Lotus-eater

You seem to think I'm picking on men, which I'm not, but it is men that we are talking about.
We were not discussing women being aggressive, which of course they can be.

I find generally that the women that like agressive men tend to gravitate towards them, and of course vice versa, even if they don't realise what's happening. So alot of women will put up with, or even like, men punching walls, slapping them about a bit, screaming abuse at them. And some will give back as good as they get.

The problem, is that the lady who started the thread, isn't like that and doesn't deserve to be screamed at and be called very derogatory names. It won't do her self esteem any good and it certainly won't do the relationship any good.

In all honesty it does seem to me that the OP's OH has problems with the relationship and I think it should be brought out into the open, so both know where they are.

mikey72

I have pointed out that some men shout as a reply to the op asking for advice on one particular person. It is a response to the situation they are in, you appear to be solely focusing on aggressive men, to the point of involving a violent response "some men will hit you" and "slapping them about a bit"
The op has already said her partner is not like this, so it doesn't help.

I am not defending her partner at all, but unless he can miraculously and unilaterally change, the op is the only other person who can help the relationship. I'm also not saying it is fair, or that she has to. She has a choice.
But I am suggesting that he may well be frustrated, not as eloquent as her, and working to communicate may be hard for both him and her.
If he doesn’t lose his cool in front of a counselor, and can discuss the relationship there, that may well be the best place to talk.
An ultimatum, of "if he doesn't change, move out. Up to you then if you want to give him another chance or not" doesn't allow much scope, and all the other suggestions of leaving assume that the relationship is already over. The fact the op is asking for advice suggests that she doesn't want it to be yet, and as I don't want to distract from the original question, I will refrain from posting further on this thread.