depression

learning_to_drive

Hi,

I'm struggling to write all my thoughts down, I've had such a rough ride, I feel nervous, tense and sick, I've moved back into retail after a couple of disastrous jobs at I.R. and First Direct, now I'm going back to retail I'm looking forward to it, but at the minute I'm so so down it's unbelivable. I'm really scared and nervous, I feel on the verge of tears all the time for no reason.

Its only my induction tomorrow, I go through phases of being up and down, recently I've had a lot of good days, I had a police assesment this morning that was very draining, I think that may be an issue as to why I'm feeling so down at this precise moment in time.

I could post everything that has happened, I think I will do tomorrow, I've only read up to page 35 on this thread, people have it a lot worse than I do, which I appreciate, but I really struggle and battle with it fellas. I've not done a full week at work since November, I've been off sick more times than not in these new jobs. Before that I was off once in 3 1/2 years.

Since September I was diagnosed with Stress / Anxiety / Depression and I've been on Fluoextine then came off them beginning of October stupidly, however I've started taking them again since Mid November on doctor's advice. I've been to docs quite a lot recently too with regards to my depression and the fact I feel up and down so violently day to day.

My job used to be me, at Sainsburys, I worked so hard and earnt good money, now Im struggling to get myself right for work, worrying my parents, worrying me and there is no real reason behind it, ive had a rough few months, ill update everyone tomorrow with regards to what happened but I want to beat this. As a result, the inevitable financial problems have followed because of the agreements / c cards I signed up to when times were good, now I am struggling with it all.

I really want to be right for my new job at ASDA, It's retail and it's something that I really enjoy, I have confidence in myself, its just the dread of going in for some reason, similar at FD and IR.

I just hope for some support really from like minded people! I wouldn't say I entertain the idea of suicide, I really dont, but sometimes I just think there has to be an easier way than this, I just think sometimes that I cant go on......

Obviously I never would, but its worrying me that Im even thinking about it, like I say, Ive had some good times, good christmas, I was ready and willing to get back to work, but now I am actually going to backt to something I enjoy, Im strangely down and feeling ill, very nervous, sick etc etc.

Miroslav

feelinggood wrote:

I didn't mean change who you are, just change how generous you are - wait till you know someone a little better before giving them too much. I really hope that your perfect lady finds you soon
And have you forgotten the deal we had ages ago? I've not!
What is it you want to do? I don't know if there is anything you can do - its wonderful that you care, but you've got to look after your heart
xx

I don't know how to not give

Deal? Which deal? Where we would have to settle for each other? :rotfl:

I want to talk to her. On my terms for once.

I have to end it properly, if it is to end, but I don't want it too. I want to make sure she's safe and looked after.

I'm so confused.

Miroslav

learning_to_drive wrote:

Hi,

I'm struggling to write all my thoughts down, I've had such a rough ride, I feel nervous, tense and sick, I've moved back into retail after a couple of disastrous jobs at I.R. and First Direct, now I'm going back to retail I'm looking forward to it, but at the minute I'm so so down it's unbelivable. I'm really scared and nervous, I feel on the verge of tears all the time for no reason.

Its only my induction tomorrow, I go through phases of being up and down, recently I've had a lot of good days, I had a police assesment this morning that was very draining, I think that may be an issue as to why I'm feeling so down at this precise moment in time.

I could post everything that has happened, I think I will do tomorrow, I've only read up to page 35 on this thread, people have it a lot worse than I do, which I appreciate, but I really struggle and battle with it fellas. I've not done a full week at work since November, I've been off sick more times than not in these new jobs. Before that I was off once in 3 1/2 years.

Since September I was diagnosed with Stress / Anxiety / Depression and I've been on Fluoextine then came off them beginning of October stupidly, however I've started taking them again since Mid November on doctor's advice. I've been to docs quite a lot recently too with regards to my depression and the fact I feel up and down so violently day to day.

My job used to be me, at Sainsburys, I worked so hard and earnt good money, now Im struggling to get myself right for work, worrying my parents, worrying me and there is no real reason behind it, ive had a rough few months, ill update everyone tomorrow with regards to what happened but I want to beat this. As a result, the inevitable financial problems have followed because of the agreements / c cards I signed up to when times were good, now I am struggling with it all.

I really want to be right for my new job at ASDA, It's retail and it's something that I really enjoy, I have confidence in myself, its just the dread of going in for some reason, similar at FD and IR.

I just hope for some support really from like minded people! I wouldn't say I entertain the idea of suicide, I really dont, but sometimes I just think there has to be an easier way than this, I just think sometimes that I cant go on......

Obviously I never would, but its worrying me that Im even thinking about it, like I say, Ive had some good times, good christmas, I was ready and willing to get back to work, but now I am actually going to backt to something I enjoy, Im strangely down and feeling ill, very nervous, sick etc etc.

Welcome along :wave:

Sorry, I won't be much use tonight, as i've had a terrible falling out with someone I care alot for and my mind is messed up badly.

One thing I noted, don't ever say others have had it worse off than you - all our issues are as important as each others. Including yours.

feelinggood_2

Hey Learning to Drive, welcome to the family
<<Hugs>>
Sorry to hear how low you are feeling, and sorry to hear that you are having nasty thoughts - it is really upsetting when you can't seem to get rid of them.
Will be thinking of you while you are at your induction tomorrow, make sure you get plenty of sleep tonight. I would say try not to worry, but that isn't very helpful is it!
Can I be nosey and ask how old you are and if your male or female?
Hope you enjoy your stay with us
xxxx

learning_to_drive

Hi Miroslav:hello:

Thanks for replying, I've followed your thread with interest, your posts, I will read the entire thread and follow what has happened with "S".

From what I have read so far, you are anything but the local joke, if she wants to take advantage of you mate, then let her by all means but make sure that the joke is on her.

You may have to cut ties, It will be so so hard (I split up with my g/f on Xmas eve part of my problem) but sometimes we have to take the initial hard hit to make ourselves better in the long run.

I would be honest with her (again having not read the thread fully) and tell her how you feel, if she's interested, she's interested, if she's not, then she isn't for you!

Hope that makes sense, again, its easy to tell you to do it, but in the situation, we dont think straight and let our emotions guide us, when they are hyper sensitive and not to be trusted in our current states!

geminilady

feelinggood wrote:

Thanks Geminilady
Still off the cigs and drink - I'm strong, and I know I can do this
Feeling happy - past few days have been really nice. One thing I have to do is to learn to recognise when people aren't nice, and break contact. I'm only going to allow nice people in to my life And i'm back on the diet
How are you? x

Wow i am impressed! kicking the cigs and drink together must have been hard but to start a diet as well! you must be really strong willed.I am a 20 plus a day smoker and struggled with my weight most of my life,lost 3 stone about a year ago but i'v been binge eating over christmas and i dread to think how much i have put back.Going to start my diet Monday,couldn't kick the cigs as well:eek:but i do intend to have another go at stopping later on in the year.Have stopped twice for 3 months,the first time i just chewed gum but was chewing constantly lol and the second time i used the nicotene lozenges they were quite good but the thing is you have to give them up after 6 months or so.

learning_to_drive

Hey Learning to Drive, welcome to the family
<<Hugs>>
Sorry to hear how low you are feeling, and sorry to hear that you are having nasty thoughts - it is really upsetting when you can't seem to get rid of them.
Will be thinking of you while you are at your induction tomorrow, make sure you get plenty of sleep tonight. I would say try not to worry, but that isn't very helpful is it!
Can I be nosey and ask how old you are and if your male or female?
Hope you enjoy your stay with us
xxxx

Hi, Course you can, I'm 21 and male!

But a boy, I'll fully post everything tomorrow, but I've had a really great life, then in September, everything in my life changed apart from my house and immediate family. I struggled for 3 weeks before realising that crying all the time, waking up crying, sleeping 3 hours a night and being sick despite not eating anything for days wasn't right.

Then, we are where we are, Its hard to elaborate more without knowing the full story, I'll tell it tomorrow, I've got some counselling sessions sorted too soon, that will help, I just feel that I want to be better, speaking to CAFCgirl (bless her) she says its a long term thing and its something I have to deal with. Which I am and I understand, I just like to speak about it with like minded people to share symptoms and stories.

Always good for moral support!

Miroslav

learning_to_drive wrote:

Hi Miroslav:hello:

Thanks for replying, I've followed your thread with interest, your posts, I will read the entire thread and follow what has happened with "S".

From what I have read so far, you are anything but the local joke, if she wants to take advantage of you mate, then let her by all means but make sure that the joke is on her.

You may have to cut ties, It will be so so hard (I split up with my g/f on Xmas eve part of my problem) but sometimes we have to take the initial hard hit to make ourselves better in the long run.

I would be honest with her (again having not read the thread fully) and tell her how you feel, if she's interested, she's interested, if she's not, then she isn't for you!

Hope that makes sense, again, its easy to tell you to do it, but in the situation, we dont think straight and let our emotions guide us, when they are hyper sensitive and not to be trusted in our current states!

It's gone on since October, alot of posts, alot of ups and downs, you'll be here until New Year reading it

I agree with all you say, i'm just hoping things will improve. I doubt they will, but I live in the hope.

I hope someone else comes along to whisk me away!

In the future, Miro will not be getting excited, because i've posted twice now on here all excited, and made to look a total fool both times

learning_to_drive

Miro, whilst you agree with all I say, acting upon it is a completely different matter, I'm given great advice, but I rarely do anything but my mind tells me not to, I cant be bothered, I feel too down an take it the wrong way.

I wouldnt go out looking for a relationship, I think that I'll realise that I have some sort of issue with emotions, Ive fallen in love with a girl, and now we've split up I'm really struggling with it, first big love and I dont have anything else in my life really.

Keep posting being excited, if you werent excited to begin with, then it doesnt stand much chance of going any further does it? Never lose the enthusiasm, and dont let this get you down!!

Again, great advice, I dont follow it, Im struggling like hell at the minute, I cant take my own advice so I dont expect you to!

Miroslav

learning_to_drive wrote:

Miro, whilst you agree with all I say, acting upon it is a completely different matter, I'm given great advice, but I rarely do anything but my mind tells me not to, I cant be bothered, I feel too down an take it the wrong way.

I wouldnt go out looking for a relationship, I think that I'll realise that I have some sort of issue with emotions, Ive fallen in love with a girl, and now we've split up I'm really struggling with it, first big love and I dont have anything else in my life really.

Keep posting being excited, if you werent excited to begin with, then it doesnt stand much chance of going any further does it? Never lose the enthusiasm, and dont let this get you down!!

Again, great advice, I dont follow it, Im struggling like hell at the minute, I cant take my own advice so I dont expect you to!

Of course, acting on it is totally different, and we can all give advice, but accepting our own is tough.

I'm sorry you've had a break-up and i'm sorry i'm not much use tonight.

I have no reason to be excited now. Even if we rectify things, i'm not sure I can get excited only to be let down again.