depression

Tiff_2

Inc0gnit0 wrote:

She's 16 CC.. but she stalks me if i go anywhere.. uni, work, shopping, out for a drink.. it's not unusual for me to have 40 missed calls on my mobile

Hi hun.
I will PM you later hun as I promised. You've fought a lot of battles and you probably can't see the woods for the trees right now, but the wonderful people on here will stand by and help all they can. I can understand how it must feel as though you're trapped, but don't give up hun.
What's the status with DD's health? Has she got any professional support?
It feels even harder right now because of all you've been through angel and the fact that there's only skeleton staff everywhere you turn, but what we need to do is make a plan to get you through the crisis you feel now, until the world switches on again in a few days.
As for a job, relationship, friends etc., these things will happen hun. You're obviously a warm, caring, intelligent soul with so much to offer and as I said, you've got time on your side - although it probably doesn't feel like it. You've described a situation that is amazingly stressful hun so we'll just break it down into baby chunks ok?
With all you've been through recently, you're exhausted and low. It's natural for you to feel that it's 'all or nothing' right now angel. Try and remember this hun. Wait and try and recover a little for a few days. Don't make any immediate decisions. This is a tired and low Inc, who needs to recharge her batteries right now.:o And what you're feeling is completely natural! I'd be more worried about you if you were skipping around and bouncing with happiness and keeping all the pain in, after all you've been through. I truly admire your courage angel.:T :A
Please feel free to PM me any time hun.
Much Love,
Tiff xxx

elona

I agree with tiff.

If you finish your degree you will have done something for yourself that will help in the future re career etc.

It will also give you more confidence as it is a real achievement in the circumstances.

CCstar

Penny just dropped with your OH - I think he is repeating old patterns from his mother's preference for his brother. He smothers you because to him that is love and he wants someone to prefer him to anyone else. He has no faith in love that is "just there" - it has to be spoken and acted out. It sounds very wearing!

A cousin of DH had his wife walk out on him because he "took her for granted!" DH burst out laughing because it sounded like a small thing. My veiwpoint would be that in a good relationship you should be able to take each other for granted - not in an uncaring or dismissive way but that you automatically trust and respect the other person and give them space or company if that is their need.

Horasio

I think he has been a lonely and confused person. His dad abandoned them all when he was 12. His brother got in contact with his father in 2000. I met his step sister last November. There is now this issue with the will but the step brother has accumulated debt in his dead parents tatty low valued house. There are 4 children who stand to share. We are not sure if the debt will outvalue the benefit if we sell the house but getting the deadbeat son out is another matter. We are not whether to pursue the will or not or whether we get a whole lot of debt which we are not prepared to pay out, given the circumstances. If we stand to gain, it will be a small compensation.

Anyway, emotionally, he is very moody. He is too smothering when I want to be alone and distant when I do want to share happy feelings and sex. He can be quite cutting when I think the mood is right and he obviously isn't. I never had sexual hangups before I met my husband and he was fine before we got married. He says it was because I was angry. I was angry that he never did housework and I was extremely tired from working full time in a job that was horrible and I was ill with hormone imbalance. I got no support and I was an angry person. Given he is 12 years older, I thought he would be more mature and helpful. I liked him when we met and got on very well but it is not good when I feel ill, tired or when things go wrong.

I ended up giving up my job as I was going insane. I wasn't earning enough to leave and live alone and going back home was not an option. It was a madhouse. I was too ill to think straight, so gave up work to be a 'better wife' and get more rest but he still didn't appreciate it.

I have lived this way, obviously I had my son in between. When I was pregnant, I felt good and our relationship flourished but when I got the unbalanced hormones back, it all went bad again. I tried methods to get them balanced and it made me worse. They made me aggressive and highly argumentative, which made everyone be horrible to me, so of course, I got worse. I couldn't keep friends as I was too needy and felt hurt by them when they couldn't be more supportive, I guess I was too much of a mess and asked too much of them, so I withdrew. I tried to work but having a child, being married was an obstacle, I had help but 'male' attitudes dictated that I would have more children and not devote myself to the job. I told them I had help but they ignored that. In reality, though I never showed it, it was my hormonal state that stopped me trying so hard. It was the straw that I couldn't handle on top of everyone else's nastiness and resistance, yet it was the hormones that made me such a b*tch, it was like being on drugs but unlike drugs you can't come off them.

I even had a hysterectomy in 1992 but kept the ovaries. It was nice to be period free and have good contraception but I had the imbalance and again, tried hormones and they still mucked me up.

Then in 2005, I had my ovaries out. I had severe endometriosis. My innards were a mess and I needed extensive surgery over and above a simple oophrectomy. Had I had my ovaries out in 1992, things would have been more simple and saved money as I paid in 2005. I feel that is what upset my hormones as I was NEVER regular. I had 30 years of hell and the pill really affected my mental state. Don't underestimate the power of hormones. If I can feel OK being pregnant, breastfeeding and now, then it shows it was the hormones.

Counselling did help to a point but if you have a physical condition, it needs dealing with. Of course, my age was against me. I felt I couldn't be taken seriously till I was older and I still got questioned at 27. Having a child helped and being married a long time went in my favour. My only regret was not having the lot out at 27. I still have a post op pain but it is mild compared to what I was like before 2005.

Horasio

Incognito - do PM me if you need to talk.

She isn't a baby and I am not sure why she needs to 'stalk' you at this age. She is at an age where she should be pursuing her own life and letting you do the same. You aren't old and it is time you had some happiness

Horasio

Incognito - sorry I didn't reply after your reply, I have a really bad cold and just passed out after my reply.

Elona, I think you are right and it is tiring, worrying that I am not showing enough affection, especially when I feel under the weather. When he left school, he worked to support his mother for a year.

I did tell him yesterday that I feel scared of him when I feel low, the ranting etc. I told him it makes me depressed and extends my illness. He does work hard and is eager to please but when he gets spooked by his feelings, if I am a bit irritable or his thoughts or even having a bad dream, he gets selfish and aggressive and it certainly doesn't please me. He did back off and I did feel relaxed last night, our son is staying with mates, so he's not causing issues either. I still don't like the dynamics when he is around tho'.

I think we are both damaged souls who were drawn together but our baggage can cause nasty situations. I don't think my hormone swings helped but I can't take responsibility for his past. I am loving but I need to feel he is understanding of my needs too and not a rejection towards him.

Since I had my op, I have seen his faults and whilst I want to help him, I don't feel he is helping himself. He has put on mountains of weight since he gave up smoking, he has a nasty rash (ezcema), which has been a problem since he broke his leg, ear trouble and has sleep apneoa. He is going for a sleep study in February. He has been about his weight but nothing works, tho' I think he eats in private. He is still waiting for his op on his ear but won't see the doctor about his rash or ask for more help with his weight. He is 55 in two weeks and he is at the prime age for dying if his weight doesn't drop. He gave up smoking to be healthy in 1998 and swapped it for obesity - you can't win!

Horasio

It is so quiet on here - where is everyone?

What are you doing for Hogmanay?

The weather doesn't look too great for outdoor events. They cancelled the Edinburgh one in 2003/4.

We shall be staying home and drinking and eating. Fingers x'd the neighbours will go away as we will not appreciate a party nor will want to go round, even though there is an unspoken open door at Hogmanay up here. We have been to some great impromptu parties that way. They didn't send a card this year so they are obviously horrible people and holding a grudge. I hate people who stop sending cards - I feel like sending them a nasty letter saying - you suck - have a rotten new year!

feelinggood_2

Miroslav wrote:

The other night she showed me her knickers from her knicker draw..........gotta be a good sign........right? Plus she lat me smack her bum and then she smacked mine :rotfl:

That made me laugh Glad to hear so many positives Miro. I'm thinking about you alot and wishing you well

feelinggood_2

CCStar wrote:

It is so quiet on here - where is everyone?

I'm here, but I don't really have anything to say

EthelBloggs

CCStar wrote:

It is so quiet on here - where is everyone?

What are you doing for Hogmanay?

They didn't send a card this year so they are obviously horrible people and holding a grudge. I hate people who stop sending cards - I feel like sending them a nasty letter saying - you suck - have a rotten new year!

I've been invited to a couple of parties but I doubt if I'll be able to go to be honest. So it'll be me and the telly or the laptop depending what's on, lol

I didn't send xmas cards this year.. in fact I haven't done it for a few years.. not for any other reason than sheer laziness


Hope your feeling better today CC.. I feel like !!!!!! meself.. couldn't sleep last night and today has been very stressful too. I'm just so tired and drained and sick of everhting at the moment :mad:

Miroslav

feelinggood wrote:

That made me laugh Glad to hear so many positives Miro. I'm thinking about you alot and wishing you well

Flatmate thought it strange :rotfl: Sadly, although alot of positives, it's hard work. 'S' doesn't trust When I said I would go to her mum's grave with her, she doesn't believe I will, she thinks i'm just saying it She finds it hard to believe that we like her for her. However, she has been talking about us to everyone else she comes into contact with (family, support workers etc) so hopefully that's a good sign

Hope you are well It's quiet this time of year on here...........No Sazbomb :eek: