depression

stenny_2

feelinggood wrote:

Awww, that no fun! Make sure you wrap up warm and have lots of warm drinks. Only ever had the flu once, and fell asleep at work cos I hadn't sleep for a few nights cos I felt so rough. Oh its horrible. Hope you feel better soon.

Break was adequate, returning home horrid. Life sucks hehe.

You working today?

Ty, na not working today but off tae bed very shortly.
Just got up cause dog was needing walked!

Have you thought what your gonna do yet?

feelinggood_2

stenny wrote:

Ty, na not working today but off tae bed very shortly.
Just got up cause dog was needing walked!

Have you thought what your gonna do yet?

I'm going to sit here and think until I can do some cleaning.

Enjoy your bed

Horasio

Drifted in and out of sleep yesterday, cold is really coming out. Got the munchies at midnight, watched stuff I recorded till 2am then zonked.

Felt nervous of husband, he smothers me and when I am ill, I want to be left alone. He gets all sulky or rants when I tell him to leave me alone. I hate him being around when I'm ill. I have to tell what I want and it is easier to do it myself and not have his childish sulks to deal with.

I now realise he was horrible to me all these years when I had bad PMS and hormone swings. I felt ill most of the time and got no support from anyone. Yes I was a horrible b*tch sometimes but I was nice too but got it in the neck when I felt very ill. I need someone, if I am to be with anyone, who doesn't get upset with me when I am ill or give me a hard time because I am not all loving - it is be loving or get a row with him! Most of the time I want to keep away from him and stay in my room at the weekend to avoid him. He never goes out, yet gets at me and says he never goes out. I don't stop him. I feel he blames me for his faults. I feel so tense around him. I can't relax when he is around. He goes into a sulk at the drop of a hat and his ranting and crying can be heard everywhere, even in large houses. I feel so panicky when he does that. Yet he says he cares and he is hurt, I don't need that and I don't feel any consideration is given to me. In fact looking back over the last 25 years, everything has been on his terms.

He was 29 years old when we met and he shaved his beard off on his 30th birthday, which made he look great! His mother told him off and said he should have asked her if he could. I have very long hair and if I wanted to chop it off, I would. I would ask opinions but not permission.

I feel he cares more for his mother than me. Whenever she is ill, he is horrible to me. I know she is ill and he worries but I don't deserve his wrath. I too am worried. But I don't want to sound horrible here but his brother thinks she exagerates it to get them to visit. He is a sucker but she wants his brother more than my husband. I wish my son cared for me like my husband cares for his mum but his father is really damaging him. Belitting women seems to be cool in his eyes. I try to avoid them. I need to get over this flipping cold and get the last of the packing done and the house ready to sell. Hopefully next week will be clear, once Christmas/New Year is fully finished!

Inc0gnit0

Howdy peeps

I'm sorry you're feeling so rotten CC n Stenny.. I had it last week n it's yukkk!!

CC.. your hubby sounds as tho he has trouble expressing himself emotionally.. I tink thats quite common in some of the male species, and it seems when you add any kind of stress into the equation, they just blow up! Im like you.. better off left alone when im sick but they seem to want to kill you with kindness.. i used to let him n then when its too much i would pretend to be asleep, lol

I hope you feel better and that you can make the decision that you want to make

Miroslav

feelinggood wrote:

I'm glad you are okay Miro, and glad that things are okay with 'S'. Strong feelings can be really scary, especially when you don't think they are returned. But you are a lovely man, I'm sure S must see that now.
I'm fine, thanks for asking.
I've been reasonably good with going to bed at a sensible time, but I just don't want to right now.
Hope you are fast asleep by now

I hope she thinks I am as fantastic as she tells me I am in text messages, although today I have been feeling kinda down, as i'm missing her so badly.

I just know she's going to get a boyfriend soon. Her relationships just don't last and she attracts people who use and abuse her. I'm hoping the way I am with her, will attract her to me. We have come such a long way in 2 1/2 months, although just one wrong word will have her off on one again

She is adoreable and when my flatmate said she watches us together and can see us as a good couple, I felt all fuzzy

We have many things against us though, most notably her psychosis. It makes her act weird alot. When she was around ours the other night, she was talking to someone again when we left the room and she told me her mother, who is dead, told her something a couple of days previous.

She's better than she was a couple of weeks back, but I do worry about her alot.

The other night she showed me her knickers from her knicker draw..........gotta be a good sign........right? Plus she lat me smack her bum and then she smacked mine :rotfl:

Glad you are doing well. I see you have 25th November in your sig. Still going well then Bet you are well pleased

Miroslav

CCStar wrote:

Drifted in and out of sleep yesterday, cold is really coming out. Got the munchies at midnight, watched stuff I recorded till 2am then zonked.

Felt nervous of husband, he smothers me and when I am ill, I want to be left alone. He gets all sulky or rants when I tell him to leave me alone. I hate him being around when I'm ill. I have to tell what I want and it is easier to do it myself and not have his childish sulks to deal with.

I now realise he was horrible to me all these years when I had bad PMS and hormone swings. I felt ill most of the time and got no support from anyone. Yes I was a horrible b*tch sometimes but I was nice too but got it in the neck when I felt very ill. I need someone, if I am to be with anyone, who doesn't get upset with me when I am ill or give me a hard time because I am not all loving - it is be loving or get a row with him! Most of the time I want to keep away from him and stay in my room at the weekend to avoid him. He never goes out, yet gets at me and says he never goes out. I don't stop him. I feel he blames me for his faults. I feel so tense around him. I can't relax when he is around. He goes into a sulk at the drop of a hat and his ranting and crying can be heard everywhere, even in large houses. I feel so panicky when he does that. Yet he says he cares and he is hurt, I don't need that and I don't feel any consideration is given to me. In fact looking back over the last 25 years, everything has been on his terms.

He was 29 years old when we met and he shaved his beard off on his 30th birthday, which made he look great! His mother told him off and said he should have asked her if he could. I have very long hair and if I wanted to chop it off, I would. I would ask opinions but not permission.

I feel he cares more for his mother than me. Whenever she is ill, he is horrible to me. I know she is ill and he worries but I don't deserve his wrath. I too am worried. But I don't want to sound horrible here but his brother thinks she exagerates it to get them to visit. He is a sucker but she wants his brother more than my husband. I wish my son cared for me like my husband cares for his mum but his father is really damaging him. Belitting women seems to be cool in his eyes. I try to avoid them. I need to get over this flipping cold and get the last of the packing done and the house ready to sell. Hopefully next week will be clear, once Christmas/New Year is fully finished!

Your husband's mother wanted to give permission to her son to shave his beard off?

You need to get away from all the negativity. Your husband and son will make you even more depressed the longer it goes on.

Inc0gnit0

*sighs*

I can't sleep

Was supposed to be going out tomorrow afternoon and evening for a celebration but had to cancel because of my daughter. Likewise new years eve. I'm sick of not being able to have a life. Of never being able to relax and let my hair down, of not having anything to look forward to, ever, because something always goes wrong and it doesn't happen.

I might as well be in my 70s instead of my 30s for all the life I have. I really have to wonder what the point is of me doing anyting anymore. No point me trying to finish my degree because I'm never going to be able to hold down a job because of my daughter.. beleive me I've lost enough jobs thanks to her in the past. She's never going to let me have a relationship with anyone because she just has to ruin anything that makes me happy. I seriously feel like giving up at the moment. I've had just about all I can take and I don't want more of the same. I don't see anyting in my future other than clearing up other people's !!!!!! and drama and being the brunt of other people's abuse. so I have to ask myself.. !!!!!! is the point?

Horasio

Inc0gnit0 wrote:

*sighs*

I can't sleep

Was supposed to be going out tomorrow afternoon and evening for a celebration but had to cancel because of my daughter. Likewise new years eve. I'm sick of not being able to have a life. Of never being able to relax and let my hair down, of not having anything to look forward to, ever, because something always goes wrong and it doesn't happen.

I might as well be in my 70s instead of my 30s for all the life I have. I really have to wonder what the point is of me doing anyting anymore. No point me trying to finish my degree because I'm never going to be able to hold down a job because of my daughter.. beleive me I've lost enough jobs thanks to her in the past. She's never going to let me have a relationship with anyone because she just has to ruin anything that makes me happy. I seriously feel like giving up at the moment. I've had just about all I can take and I don't want more of the same. I don't see anyting in my future other than clearing up other people's !!!!!! and drama and being the brunt of other people's abuse. so I have to ask myself.. !!!!!! is the point?

I fully understand how you feel, I have felt unable to work or have a life for years.

How old is your daughter?

Inc0gnit0

She's 16 CC.. but she stalks me if i go anywhere.. uni, work, shopping, out for a drink.. it's not unusual for me to have 40 missed calls on my mobile

Tiff_2

Hi Inc.,

Inc0gnit0 wrote:

*sighs* I can't sleep
Hope you're ok hun? It's 3.38am. & your light is out so I guess/hope you're finally asleep.

Was supposed to be going out tomorrow afternoon and evening for a celebration but had to cancel because of my daughter. Likewise new years eve. I'm sick of not being able to have a life. Of never being able to relax and let my hair down, of not having anything to look forward to, ever, because something always goes wrong and it doesn't happen.
Oh inc, I am so sorry you feel so low. First, well done for coming on here and letting us know how you're feeling. No wonder you couldn't sleep hun. I think it's amazing that you've gotten this far angel - and though it's not much consolation atm, things will change. They've already started to change through your own courage. It would be so easy to go back to the way things were but that's part of what's got you feeling like this. It's too early to see how the land lies until you've started your fresh year. We can work out various options hun. There is help!
I might as well be in my 70s instead of my 30s for all the life I have. I really have to wonder what the point is of me doing anyting anymore. No point me trying to finish my degree because I'm never going to be able to hold down a job because of my daughter.. beleive me I've lost enough jobs thanks to her in the past. She's never going to let me have a relationship with anyone because she just has to ruin anything that makes me happy. I seriously feel like giving up at the moment. I've had just about all I can take and I don't want more of the same. I don't see anyting in my future other than clearing up other people's !!!!!! and drama and being the brunt of other people's abuse. so I have to ask myself.. !!!!!! is the point?

Right hun - you're in your 30's so there is time on your side for things to improve. The point of carrying on is because you're a survivor who fights her corner - think of all you've achieved!!!:T You're not the kind of person to give up hun and you're an inspiration to us all. Your degree deserves to be finished as it will give you a good foundation and open up other possibilities. What family/friends do you have near you hun? DD has a lot of problems I know but there needs to be a support plan - other than you - in place for her. It will likely be from official sources but what's important is that you BOTH get some support. Things won't be the same hun because you're already making big changes. If you're brave enough, you can make more changes angel.;)
Much Love,
Tiff xxx