depression

Horasio

sleepy wrote:

I really don't want to tell work.
I told my OH everything yesturday and it has helped. I'd spent the last couple of weeks just bottling it up inside. He is very supportive and loving, I just feel guilty for being a burden.
I haven't stopped crying since I started thursday evening! Feel completly drained by all the tears, my eyes and throat hurt, but I just can't stop. It's enough to make me feel completly crazy!

Tiring tho it is, crying and venting is helpful. Bottling it up is OK in the short term but depression is anger suppressed.

Let it out in the privacy of your own home. If your fiance is worth his salt, he will stand by you. When you get married and have children, there are big things to face and you need to sure your husband is by you thick and thin.

You sound to be wanting everything perfect, you care about how you appear to others but it is at your expense.

Write down what is bugging you, what your goals are or ring the samaritans if you are worried about burdening your fiance, but like I say, when you marry, you are meant to support each other!

Horasio

blinky wrote:

Crying is good. It provides a way to let some of the feelings out.

I wish I could cry...

It will come blinky - in the meantime let out what you can. Like I said to sleepy, write down your feelings, what you want and what you can do about it.

Warning - it can be triggered by something unexpected

sleepy

blinky wrote:

Crying is good. It provides a way to let some of the feelings out.

I wish I could cry...

Then my feelings are definately out there! I've got plenty of tears to go around, if only we could sort out some kind of sharing scheme for them like a teary freecycle :doh:

Horasio

Does anyone have a cat? - I notice there are a lot of people with cat avatars on here.

I used to have a white cat who just knew when and how to comfort me.

I sure miss her

I get an occasional visitor from a gorgeous black one when the neighbours are out, but they have been horrible about it, so have to sneak him in when they are out. I haven't seen him for a while, as they have been home at fair bit:(

I can't get another cat because we are wanting to sell up and don't want to put a new cat thro a move.

So have virtual cat hugs from the pictures I collect:)

Horasio

Sazbo wrote:

And big hugs back to you, CCStar. Really happy to hear you had a good evening, do understand you being on guard about getting hurt - but let's hope the nice feeling continues. Sxx

It was a nice temporary distraction but I couldn't sleep and the rage returned.

sleepy

CCStar wrote:

Tiring tho it is, crying and venting is helpful. Bottling it up is OK in the short term but depression is anger suppressed.

Let it out in the privacy of your own home. If your fiance is worth his salt, he will stand by you. When you get married and have children, there are big things to face and you need to sure your husband is by you thick and thin.

You sound to be wanting everything perfect, you care about how you appear to others but it is at your expense.

Write down what is bugging you, what your goals are or ring the samaritans if you are worried about burdening your fiance, but like I say, when you marry, you are meant to support each other!

Thanks, he really is one of the good ones, and I know that he will support me. I just feel guilty about leaning on him so much. I think it also bothers me because I used to be a very independant person and I don't like relying on someone so much.
Having said that, I thank my lucky stars everyday for having him, I love him very much and know he feels the same way; he really is wonderful and very caring.

I have tried this morning to think through what I 'm going to do next week and how I'm going to get through. Having some sort of plan of action is helping.

sleepy

CCStar wrote:

Does anyone have a cat? - I notice there are a lot of people with cat avatars on here.

I used to have a white cat who just knew when and how to comfort me.

I sure miss her

I get an occasional visitor from a gorgeous black one when the neighbours are out, but they have been horrible about it, so have to sneak him in when they are out. I haven't seen him for a while, as they have been home at fair bit:(

I can't get another cat because we are wanting to sell up and don't want to put a new cat thro a move.

So have virtual cat hugs from the pictures I collect:)

Yep, my pic is my kitten, I've had him for 2 months and he is very comforting and huggy

Tiff_2

sleepy wrote:

Hi, I've had a read through (although not all the way, there's just a few too many pages for that), and you all seem really supportive, so I was wondering if you could help me.
I've been feeling really awful for a while, I've barely eaten for 2 weeks, I can't sleep, and then today I couldn't make myself go into work, insead I stayed in bed and have cried all day. This afternoon I was very very close to killing myself, it was only the thought of causing pain to my wonderful fiance that stopped me. It's become obvious that I need to go to the doctors, but what I'm wondering is, is there anything they can do?
Mental illness runs in my mums side of the family, her dad was a violent alcoholic with very dark moments, and my mum herself has had treatment for depression. My mum found that councelling really helped, but I tried that 3 years ago when I couldn't get out of bed for days at a time, and I didn't think much of it.
So what can a doctor do?

Hi Sleepy and...
You are indeed most welcome and as you already know, we'll help anyway we can hun. You've already had some brilliant advice so sorry if I repeat it.
Not that this is any use to you angel, but your family are going to understand a little of what you're going through so you don't have to hide from them. And it sounds as if your fiance is so supportive so hang on in there. You're crying out for help aren't you hun?

I'm so sorry you're so low sleepy. You've been through an awful lot. The doctor can evaluate and listen to you hun. Completely confidential. The GP can prescribe medication if they think it will help and will also refer you to more specialised parts of the NHS, like psychology or psychiatry. The GP will also see you regularly to follow your progress. I think everyone finds it hard when they first go to the dr. Try and think about the difference seeing a dr will make and don't delay it hun.
Like anything else hun, there's good counsellors and bad ones. Maybe you weren't ready for counselling at that time. Please do not turn to suicide angel or self harm either. If you feel that this is the way you're headed, phone your GP immediately, tell the receptionist what's going on and you'll get seen quickly. If you can't bring yourself to do that or it's out of hours, phone or visit A&E or NewDoc hun. Another alternative is your Community Mental Health Team (CMHT) who will have a clinic covering your area. That's going straight to source if you will - they will help you go in the right direction. Yet another option, especially at night (although it's 24 hours) is to phone your Crisis Team at your local psychiatric hospital. Just phone and ask to be put through to the Crisis Team. They can come out to you and they will do all they can to keep you out of hospital - that's what they're there for and they also provide 24 hour phone support.
And failing all that sleepy, you've got us.:o
Don't ever feel bad about posting here - they're amazing people on here with a wide range of experiences and some really great practical advice. We're here if you need us. Well done for seeking help sleepy - you deserve it hun!;)
Much Love
Tiff xxx

Tiff_2

The_Economist wrote:

Hi sleepy sorry to hear you are having a rough time, but please be strong you are not alone. I havn't read all the other posts only caught site of yours as i was flicking. Please speak to the doctor they should be able to help. You say there is a history of mental illness, hey lets face it in this day and age who doesn't have a breakdown no matter what shape or form. As i say you are not alone there is light at the end of the tunnell. You have just got to find it (easier said than done i know but keep fighting). You hav'nt said what is dragging you done so much.

Hello Economist ,
Thank you for posting - it is, as you say, a very common problem. 1-in-4 as they say. I believe that the stigma is lessening a little and the more little groups like ours that there are, the better. It's an awful comparison but years ago, no-one would say the word cancer. It was taboo. Education and personal experiences have helped to change that and I think this is the way forward for mental ill health.
If anyone thinks they're the only ones (I know I did) with a mental ill health problem, try and get an appointment or an admission! The services are very much in demand. When I went into my local clinic, after I sat and looked around, what I saw was 'normal' people in emotonal pain, in the majority. Fear is our own worst enemy. Never let fear stop us getting help.;)
Much Love
Tiff xxx

gillette147

CCStar wrote:

Sympathies to you for having tinnitus. I would ring BUPA whilst you can go private, it is so much quicker!

Tinnitus can be very depressing and I am sure your GP would be very sympathetic.

Is it Cholesteatoma?

Do you have a perforated eardrum? My husband has this condition that needs an operation to remove it.

Can you tell me what you had done?, it sounds very scary.

Has it improved the condition?

Sorry for all the questions but I don't come across people who have had had an ear operation every day.

CC,
I send you my love over your issues - thinking of you xx
And you asked for it lol.....
PS Gosh I waffled on.

I've had low tinnitus for years (prob over 10).
Then 2 years ago it got louder in one ear and i could hear my pulse in it. Started getting lots of headaches. While it got worse I got refered to a specialist - by which time i had near constant headaches. Then i lost my hearing in it. By then i was booked in for a Cholestiatoma (you right). They took it away and some of the bones but i still have half hearing in it. However what was my good ear became my bad one. Because my bupa allowance ran out i didn't go back for the final scan.

Anyway, 2 years later, a month ago, i went to germany for work and the flight just totally messed my back and ears up. However I had flown once before since op without a problem. Both ears were messed up, but actually my non op ear was actually worse off. It's settled down but the tinnitus has doubled to the point i am always aware of it, instead of in bed/quiet before. Yesterday i am sensing a pulse sound in my op ear again and if just feels blocked/bulging. I went back to the specialist about a month ago when this started -he saw me after the good ear had settled down and I just had worse tinnitus (but not like now). He said it was nothing to be done really, i could see someone about coping with tinnitus. But i felt it hadnt got that bad yet. Now however it is getting noticably worse - and i think the throbbing is a bad sign - although it might be nasal blockage affecting it instead of any major problem. Specialist said i could just phone if i wanted to see him in the future (it does cost £140 to see him - why wouldn't he lol). Unless something major changes I will phone on monday.

My back is getting better but i have started skipping some of the exercises - i'm sorry but i hate doing it. I will have a light weekend then get back on them fully monday - i need a break tbh from it. It seems to regulate my life and is depressing me.

I get neck strain as well which give me alot of headaches - since the original problem time (2yrs ago). It's like i wake up and can tell if my ears are going to have a good or a bad day. Today and yesterday were bad - 2 days before were good, 5 before that were bad. Its like they are upset and moan/grumble. The specialist said you can get like a nervous tick inside your ear but the only treatment is very drastic. I think that's what i'm getting amongst other things. My ears wince all the time at even my own voice sometimes. I thought when I described it he'd say "oh yes i see alot of it" but he looks at me like "do you? Hmmm". He's the best in the area too. I came away thinking I've done all i can i've just got to live with it. But since the flight i can only see a downward path ears wise. I've always suspected my future will be deafness with no escape from the tones in my head - and a dive off a building. That still feels along way off for me but not a good outlook.

My back will get better or "ok with care" - i can sense more strength in it. But i get a sick pain alot - like this morning walking round the shops. My physio is surprised at how much the exercises knock me about.

I can be happier if i forget everything. I had a great laugh with two workmates (ex-workmates now) over a coffee this morning - but it's coz im hiding from my situation. One of them is diabetic and was on AD's for a year and was recommending i get some. I will face going to docs soon. It just feels like more hastle and worried i'm not that bad lol. I mean when I read about alot of you i feel like a fake on here. I'm not crying or locked up. My feelings about my life are quite dispassionate - maybe coz ive felt like it for so long it just feels like dry facts. My life is pointles and i am alone blah blah. I am blocking out my new jobless situation and have for last three days- it's not too bad if i do that. But i'm not facing anything.

Anyway,

I am off to brum now.
I like my family and it will be good to see them.

I have sort of read thru the last pages....

Blinky
don't worry mate - even one advice post once is a wonderful thing. I for one so much apprieciate it. Take care of yourself too.

Ethel
I am so gald you've posted again. I need all the fans I can get so you've got to stay healthy girlie xxx.

Rose
Your story makes me so proud of you. Your situation almost sounds worse than your own problem. You are so brave and I can sense your wonderful character in the posts. I think you're great xx.

Tiff
I have read your posts and thank you so much. I'm gonna read it all again when I get back (monday prob) and act on it all if i can lol. I'm usually a dog person but I will bring you some cream for next time xx
PS salsa fell through unfortunately but i chatted with someone on msn who lifted my spirits instead.

Sazzy
Again, you are a great person. I want to thank you so much for listening. I can see even from the 1st few days how much effort it takes to be a poster on here and I am touched by the love and caring you guys show. It makes the rest of mse seem like a playground compared to the serious value this thread holds.

Trouble is i forget the posters when i've been rambling for so long. I need to make notes before i post lol.

Sleepy
You are in good hands. Good luck xx.

Miro
I hope you can manage to gain a bit more happiness in the here and now instead of it all looking like it's ahead of you. Cheers mate.

FG
Whatever you do I will be watching and there for you. You are a special person and have a great big life ahead of you. Past mistakes will be a dot on you horizon in the future. You are brave and will prevail.

Geminilady, elona and everyone else - hugs and take care xx

I wont get to see the thread til i get back - probably monday ish.
Get yourself an xmas avvy, have a mince pie and take from life what you can.
Hug the people who you love and anyone else who will let you.
I could always get a job as a santa. And i'll drive round to see you all in the outfit.

xxxxx