depression

rose07

Miroslav wrote:

Bleurgh, this people being nice to me lark is something I am not used too

well get used to it

but i do know what you mean, i dont deserve any of ya you are all soo lovely xxx

Miroslav

rose07 wrote:

that true miro

unfortunately just had some bad news about a friend of mine.
so negativeity is restored :rolleyes:

god this aint the usual me talking now. . . :eek:

Oh dear

I find something positive is usually ruined quickly too

Miroslav

rose07 wrote:

well get used to it

but i do know what you mean, i dont deserve any of ya you are all soo lovely xxx

I'll try

We'll have to fight for the person who least deserves it, as I think the way you do............and i'm prob bigger than you, so prepare to lose

rose07

Miroslav wrote:

I'll try

We'll have to fight for the person who least deserves it, as I think the way you do............and i'm prob bigger than you, so prepare to lose

yeah im an ickle one. lol

will get me boxing gloves then

blinky

Hi all,
This might be a bit rambling, please bear with me as it's been difficult to write...

Some of you might have seen me around in the forums but I don't think I've ever posted in this thread and I don't have the energy to search through it.

Okay, my real name is Paul and I've suffered from depression to a significant level intermittently for 20 years, though I can remember experiencing low mood for no reason before that. I'm only 33....

I've been on umpteen antidepressants and currently take a cocktail of effexor and zispin to get me through the day. I was diagnosed with anxiety problems about 10 years ago - a common secondary illness for depressives and about 2 years ago I was diagnosed with dysmythia (sp?). Ive seen upteen psychiatrists over the years and I understand the theory of CBT but cannot seem to put it into practice.

My family is generally unsupportive - unless being told to pull yourself together or being told off for being depressed counts as 'help'.

At the best of times I am very self critical and put myself down far too much but I find it so difficult to accept credit for anything I do and when I'm well the best I can say is that I cannot be objective about myself. My basic tenent goes: If I can do it it's easy. If I can't do it its my fault. - I know I cannot win with that Of course when I'm ill that turns into complete and utter self loathing and hatred.

Being depressed is incredibly difficult to describe to a non-sufferer. Most people think it's just feeling a bit low but I'm sure other sufferers will know that doesn't even come close. It is a completely dibilitating and distressing illness. You find everything difficult, you no longer enjoy anything and you want to withdraw from others - if they haven't ran away first. And this is one of the major problems with depression - it does it's best to rob you of the things you need to beat it.

There are a number of factors which can make people more susceptible to depression, the most common of which is stress. Other people class me as a high flyer ( I have multiple degrees including Oxbridge) and this tends to end up with me being in stressful work environments but inevitably i find the stress increases. For example I am supposed to be part of a team 4 supporting one site on one contract. In practice I am a team of 2, where I do the bulk of the work, but I also have to do work for 2 other sites and another contract in the same building. Not good I know. I have been working to get the workload reduced. There's been some additional stresses from home too and at times I've preferred to stay at work.

And yet recently I've been okay a few black days but nothing unusual - the work + tiredness weren't good but things were actually quite positive. I'm sure that I'm not the only depressed person who finds it difficult to go and meet someone but I'd even started to do some online dating and met someone and the first few dates went really well. (Aside: when is the right time to tell someone you suffer from depression?).

Normally I can see the warning signs of a depression creeping up and make some adjustments to at least delay it's onset or lessen it's impact. However, I had an extremely busy week last week including 2 10+ hr days with no breaks. I got in the car on Friday to drive home and somehow managed the energy to drive.

Within an hour of getting home I was at one of the lowest I've ever been - I'd gone into total freefall which is something I have never experienced before. By the time I went to bed all I wanted to do is go to sleep and never wake up. The rest of the weekend has been a complete struggle.

Im finding it very difficult to see anything positive and Im struggling to hang on (I think Ive scared off the person I was seeing - don't blame her I'm petrified myself). I needed a 2hour phone call to my best friend to get me through last night (I was largely silent during it).

Can anybody offer any help, support, or advice? I'm really struggling here.

Miroslav

rose07 wrote:

yeah im an ickle one. lol

will get me boxing gloves then

Ding Ding

Round 1

Miroslav

blinky wrote:

Hi all,
This might be a bit rambling, please bear with me as it's been difficult to write...

Some of you might have seen me around in the forums but I don't think I've ever posted in this thread and I don't have the energy to search through it.

Okay, my real name is Paul and I've suffered from depression to a significant level intermittently for 20 years, though I can remember experiencing low mood for no reason before that. I'm only 33....

I've been on umpteen antidepressants and currently take a cocktail of effexor and zispin to get me through the day. I was diagnosed with anxiety problems about 10 years ago - a common secondary illness for depressives and about 2 years ago I was diagnosed with dysmythia (sp?). Ive seen upteen psychiatrists over the years and I understand the theory of CBT but cannot seem to put it into practice.

My family is generally unsupportive - unless being told to pull yourself together or being told off for being depressed counts as 'help'.

At the best of times I am very self critical and put myself down far too much but I find it so difficult to accept credit for anything I do and when I'm well the best I can say is that I cannot be objective about myself. My basic tenent goes: If I can do it it's easy. If I can't do it its my fault. - I know I cannot win with that Of course when I'm ill that turns into complete and utter self loathing and hatred.

Being depressed is incredibly difficult to describe to a non-sufferer. Most people think it's just feeling a bit low but I'm sure other sufferers will know that doesn't even come close. It is a completely dibilitating and distressing illness. You find everything difficult, you no longer enjoy anything and you want to withdraw from others - if they haven't ran away first. And this is one of the major problems with depression - it does it's best to rob you of the things you need to beat it.

There are a number of factors which can make people more susceptible to depression, the most common of which is stress. Other people class me as a high flyer ( I have multiple degrees including Oxbridge) and this tends to end up with me being in stressful work environments but inevitably i find the stress increases. For example I am supposed to be part of a team 4 supporting one site on one contract. In practice I am a team of 2, where I do the bulk of the work, but I also have to do work for 2 other sites and another contract in the same building. Not good I know. I have been working to get the workload reduced. There's been some additional stresses from home too and at times I've preferred to stay at work.

And yet recently I've been okay a few black days but nothing unusual - the work + tiredness weren't good but things were actually quite positive. I'm sure that I'm not the only depressed person who finds it difficult to go and meet someone but I'd even started to do some online dating and met someone and the first few dates went really well. (Aside: when is the right time to tell someone you suffer from depression?).

Normally I can see the warning signs of a depression creeping up and make some adjustments to at least delay it's onset or lessen it's impact. However, I had an extremely busy week last week including 2 10+ hr days with no breaks. I got in the car on Friday to drive home and somehow managed the energy to drive.

Within an hour of getting home I was at one of the lowest I've ever been - I'd gone into total freefall which is something I have never experienced before. By the time I went to bed all I wanted to do is go to sleep and never wake up. The rest of the weekend has been a complete struggle.

Im finding it very difficult to see anything positive and Im struggling to hang on (I think Ive scared off the person I was seeing - don't blame her I'm petrified myself). I needed a 2hour phone call to my best friend to get me through last night (I was largely silent during it).

Can anybody offer any help, support, or advice? I'm really struggling here.

Nice to meet you blinky/Paul

Alot of your post resembles myself and many others on this thread.

We will all be supportive on here, and others are better at words than me.

Alot of us are up and down, but always remember to post here, so we know where you are at.

Is it possible and/or feasible to take some time off work? Release some of the stress?

Sazbo

blinky wrote:

Hi all,
This might be a bit rambling, please bear with me as it's been difficult to write...

Some of you might have seen me around in the forums but I don't think I've ever posted in this thread and I don't have the energy to search through it.

Okay, my real name is Paul and I've suffered from depression to a significant level intermittently for 20 years, though I can remember experiencing low mood for no reason before that. I'm only 33....

I've been on umpteen antidepressants and currently take a cocktail of effexor and zispin to get me through the day. I was diagnosed with anxiety problems about 10 years ago - a common secondary illness for depressives and about 2 years ago I was diagnosed with dysmythia (sp?). Ive seen upteen psychiatrists over the years and I understand the theory of CBT but cannot seem to put it into practice.

My family is generally unsupportive - unless being told to pull yourself together or being told off for being depressed counts as 'help'.

At the best of times I am very self critical and put myself down far too much but I find it so difficult to accept credit for anything I do and when I'm well the best I can say is that I cannot be objective about myself. My basic tenent goes: If I can do it it's easy. If I can't do it its my fault. - I know I cannot win with that Of course when I'm ill that turns into complete and utter self loathing and hatred.

Being depressed is incredibly difficult to describe to a non-sufferer. Most people think it's just feeling a bit low but I'm sure other sufferers will know that doesn't even come close. It is a completely dibilitating and distressing illness. You find everything difficult, you no longer enjoy anything and you want to withdraw from others - if they haven't ran away first. And this is one of the major problems with depression - it does it's best to rob you of the things you need to beat it.

There are a number of factors which can make people more susceptible to depression, the most common of which is stress. Other people class me as a high flyer ( I have multiple degrees including Oxbridge) and this tends to end up with me being in stressful work environments but inevitably i find the stress increases. For example I am supposed to be part of a team 4 supporting one site on one contract. In practice I am a team of 2, where I do the bulk of the work, but I also have to do work for 2 other sites and another contract in the same building. Not good I know. I have been working to get the workload reduced. There's been some additional stresses from home too and at times I've preferred to stay at work.

And yet recently I've been okay a few black days but nothing unusual - the work + tiredness weren't good but things were actually quite positive. I'm sure that I'm not the only depressed person who finds it difficult to go and meet someone but I'd even started to do some online dating and met someone and the first few dates went really well. (Aside: when is the right time to tell someone you suffer from depression?).

Normally I can see the warning signs of a depression creeping up and make some adjustments to at least delay it's onset or lessen it's impact. However, I had an extremely busy week last week including 2 10+ hr days with no breaks. I got in the car on Friday to drive home and somehow managed the energy to drive.

Within an hour of getting home I was at one of the lowest I've ever been - I'd gone into total freefall which is something I have never experienced before. By the time I went to bed all I wanted to do is go to sleep and never wake up. The rest of the weekend has been a complete struggle.

Im finding it very difficult to see anything positive and Im struggling to hang on (I think Ive scared off the person I was seeing - don't blame her I'm petrified myself). I needed a 2hour phone call to my best friend to get me through last night (I was largely silent during it).

Can anybody offer any help, support, or advice? I'm really struggling here.

Thanks for posting Paul, and welcome. Miro's advice is very sound - I agree you need to get some time off work, before stress overwhelms you completely. We are not allowed to give advice as such on this thread, but my opinion is that perhaps you need to discuss you medication with your doctor - as it doesn't seem to helping? Maybe you could discuss other approaches too. Have you considered counselling - that may be beneficial for you.

Post here anytime - we all do our best to support one another through the 'black days' you refer to. Hang in there and take care, Saz x

rose07

blinky wrote:

Hi all,
This might be a bit rambling, please bear with me as it's been difficult to write...

Some of you might have seen me around in the forums but I don't think I've ever posted in this thread and I don't have the energy to search through it.

Okay, my real name is Paul and I've suffered from depression to a significant level intermittently for 20 years, though I can remember experiencing low mood for no reason before that. I'm only 33....

I've been on umpteen antidepressants and currently take a cocktail of effexor and zispin to get me through the day. I was diagnosed with anxiety problems about 10 years ago - a common secondary illness for depressives and about 2 years ago I was diagnosed with dysmythia (sp?). Ive seen upteen psychiatrists over the years and I understand the theory of CBT but cannot seem to put it into practice.

My family is generally unsupportive - unless being told to pull yourself together or being told off for being depressed counts as 'help'.

At the best of times I am very self critical and put myself down far too much but I find it so difficult to accept credit for anything I do and when I'm well the best I can say is that I cannot be objective about myself. My basic tenent goes: If I can do it it's easy. If I can't do it its my fault. - I know I cannot win with that Of course when I'm ill that turns into complete and utter self loathing and hatred.

Being depressed is incredibly difficult to describe to a non-sufferer. Most people think it's just feeling a bit low but I'm sure other sufferers will know that doesn't even come close. It is a completely dibilitating and distressing illness. You find everything difficult, you no longer enjoy anything and you want to withdraw from others - if they haven't ran away first. And this is one of the major problems with depression - it does it's best to rob you of the things you need to beat it.

There are a number of factors which can make people more susceptible to depression, the most common of which is stress. Other people class me as a high flyer ( I have multiple degrees including Oxbridge) and this tends to end up with me being in stressful work environments but inevitably i find the stress increases. For example I am supposed to be part of a team 4 supporting one site on one contract. In practice I am a team of 2, where I do the bulk of the work, but I also have to do work for 2 other sites and another contract in the same building. Not good I know. I have been working to get the workload reduced. There's been some additional stresses from home too and at times I've preferred to stay at work.

And yet recently I've been okay a few black days but nothing unusual - the work + tiredness weren't good but things were actually quite positive. I'm sure that I'm not the only depressed person who finds it difficult to go and meet someone but I'd even started to do some online dating and met someone and the first few dates went really well. (Aside: when is the right time to tell someone you suffer from depression?).

Normally I can see the warning signs of a depression creeping up and make some adjustments to at least delay it's onset or lessen it's impact. However, I had an extremely busy week last week including 2 10+ hr days with no breaks. I got in the car on Friday to drive home and somehow managed the energy to drive.

Within an hour of getting home I was at one of the lowest I've ever been - I'd gone into total freefall which is something I have never experienced before. By the time I went to bed all I wanted to do is go to sleep and never wake up. The rest of the weekend has been a complete struggle.

Im finding it very difficult to see anything positive and Im struggling to hang on (I think Ive scared off the person I was seeing - don't blame her I'm petrified myself). I needed a 2hour phone call to my best friend to get me through last night (I was largely silent during it).

Can anybody offer any help, support, or advice? I'm really struggling here.

hello firstly welcome

secondly i am soz you feeling soo awful at the moment (i know this feeling all too well at the mo).

my family dont get it either. i have to admit something tho i am having a bad time at the moment, and cant even accept i am depressed. i get soo many people telling me to snap out of it and that im fine that its easy to convince myself that everything is fine.

i agree it is hard to try and explain things, esp when people may not have been through it themselves, it can be hard to comprhend.

your work sounds stressful, and like everything is on ya shoulders?

you sound bit like me at the mo, i have no idea where how i am feeling has came from, like a whack in the back thats hit me onto my knees.

we can def offer you support her hun.

i am going to say something tiff has said to me (tiff is our resident hun, you will meet her soon enough, but ya better watch out. lol)

anyhoo try and think of one positive, just one. sounds very hard doesnt it, trust me tiff has put me through me paces.

but just one by this time tomorrow. keep posting and let us know how you are doing. xxx

rose07

im going to have to crash now
feeling all tearful, cant stop thinking about things, and now i have another thing to add on me rock. :rolleyes: , lol, am i ever going to shift the rock?

well sweet dreams everyone
lots of positive vibes and hugs this week for me pleease
im going to need it
take care everyone
much love
xxx