depression

blinky

One of the benefits of Zispin is that it does help you sleep. Forget to take one though and you'll not get any.

Tiff_2

Hi Judi:cool:

judi24 wrote:

Thanks to you all for your replies.
It's just a relief to be able to express things. My OH doesn't understand. He is supportive in alot of ways but also causes me to feel worse. He seems to be able to wind the kids up ina blink of an eye then I end up as referee. Then he moans that I'm not supporting him! I can't seem to win.
He asked me if we could sit down and talk with the older 2 kids (as they are causing stress too) without me crrying. I said I doubt it! He said that that wasn't very constructive. I jsut don't think he realises how bad I feel - I don't normally burst into tears for nothing!
I think a lot of us can relate to that hun. OH does seem to want to help by you two talking with 2 oldest. That's good. What's not good is laying down conditions. It may even help more if the 2 eldest see how this affects you. If you're worried about what to say angel, write it down first.;) He needs to understand that crying is the body's way of relieving stress chemicals. It's also a part of the illness.

I know I should go and see a doc. I got a bit of a fright today cos i completed a depression scale that I use for patients (i'm a nurse!) I tried to be honest answering the questions and it scoed me as being moderately to severely depressed.
Well done you for being this brave. I'm sure it sent you into a flurry. Showing your family this sheet would possibly help them see how you feel - or at least show OH. Now you have a lead on why you're feeling this way so your options could include, 1)ignoring & carrying on & adding more stress/fear to the situation,
2) go and see your GP and tell them exactly how you feel so that you can start the road to diagnosis & treatment which is what you deserve.

The problem is I've just taken this new job. I am worried about not being what they expect - i feel such a fraud.
Congratulations on the new job hun You are not a fraud angel. Now is actually the perfect time to let them know that you're having a hard time right now. Can't be helped & wouldn't it be fantastic to get the help NOW to enable you to succeed in your job?

At the moment i feel like a c**p mum and wife let a lone some supersmart nurse!

You're not any of those things angel. You must be a very good nurse to get a new job and to be managing everything else too! Just remind me angel - who told you that you had to be perfect? There's no such animal! :rolleyes: You need support hun - don't let the fear chase away your help options. I'm sure you know that you could be treated at another hospital if confidentiality is an issue. Even your colleagues can't be told although an honest talk with your boss once you have started the help ball rolling would be a good idea. Thinking of you.
Much love
Tiff x

Tiff_2

studentphil wrote:

Hello,
I hope all are doing well today!
Any depressed men about?

Hi Phil - welcome to the club! Great people here! There are men on this board - the ladies are not allowed to scare them or eat them so don't worry angel! We're just people angel with all kinds of experiences, here to listen, share and help where we can. Hope you'll stay with us.
Best wishes
Tiff

Tiff_2

flis21 wrote:

Wow, can't believe how many new faces on here tonight...Nice to have some 'new blood'!

Hi Guys - don't worry - she doesn't mean it literally!:rotfl: :rolleyes:
Welcome to you all.
Best Wishes
Tiff

Tiff_2

Miroslav wrote:

Assessment was pointless. 35 mins, after she arrived late and kept me waiting, and another assessment in 3 weeks.............that's 3 assessments!!!!!!

Hi Miro
Angel, an assessment is never a waste of time. I can understand about her being late (Tiff doesn't do late either;) ), and you must have been frustrated. I hope she apologised? As with any medical person, crises happen and they have to respond. or she could have been stuck in the traffic jam of people trying to get to your flat for a copy of your CD!;) :rotfl:
The good thing is that she's been thorough hun. It's surely better to get an accurate diagnosis and a suitable care plan than to be wheeled off to Ward X?:D :rotfl: Just kidding angel. Good luck with the next appointment hun. Keep up the good work.
Much love
Tiff x

Tiff_2

feelinggood wrote:

Seems like there is alot going on in everybodys lives, but we are all going to stick together aren't we girls!!

RS1 - I know its hard when they are being unfair, but show 'em what a great one you are - do just as well in this role as you did in your last one! Take care of yourself this weekend x

Ethel - I'm not sure why he's sulking, but if yours in anything like mine, its over something stupid and pathetic. I can't stand it when he gets in a mood - the ignoring me and general atmopshere just feels awful. Try and not let it get to you, even tho that is really hard. play him at his own game. x

Rose - Hope you are okay sweetie - been thinking about you x Enjoy your alone time, feel free to come back on here tonight! Hope baby is okay - its really loud here. x

Miro - I know you're out, but just sending you postive vibes, fingers crossed for you still. Let us know how you get on!x

CCstar - you ain't here either, but hope you are having a great weekend, thanks for the chat the other day, its really helped me x

Sazbo - hope you are doing good! I'm going to need you tomorrow, I'll be pulling a miro and panicking! x

My mind isn't on this tonight, so I've probably missed loads of you out, so you'll have to excuse me!

And drinks are on me tonight (thortons toffee liquor, so tasty!)

Much love to all x (who is it taht always says that? I've stolen it lol)

lol - Guilty as charged hun!:D I usually sign off, 'Much love, Tiff' x

Tiff_2

Miroslav wrote:

I've just been for a long walk on my own. Nearly went to chat to our local Samaritans............i'm feeling really low, for some reason.........trying to work out why ...
Done a bit more of my song..........When i'm ready, would anyone of the regulars like to read the lyrics via PM? I don't really want to put them on this thread. They are very basic, English is not my mother tongue, but basic and cheesy is fine, as it's a song for 'S'.

I'm really glad you had a good time miro! :j
Feel free to PM the lyrics - sounds interesting.:cool:
If it's not tooooo personal, what is your mother tongue? Your English is very good and you have a wide vocabulary - that's not a personal insult hun!:rotfl: .
Happy Monday to you.
Much love
Tiff xxx

Tiff_2

blinky wrote:

Hi all,
This might be a bit rambling, please bear with me as it's been difficult to write...
Some of you might have seen me around in the forums but I don't think I've ever posted in this thread and I don't have the energy to search through it.
Okay, my real name is Paul and I've suffered from depression to a significant level intermittently for 20 years, though I can remember experiencing low mood for no reason before that. I'm only 33....

I've been on umpteen antidepressants and currently take a cocktail of effexor and zispin to get me through the day. I was diagnosed with anxiety problems about 10 years ago - a common secondary illness for depressives and about 2 years ago I was diagnosed with dysmythia (sp?). Ive seen upteen psychiatrists over the years and I understand the theory of CBT but cannot seem to put it into practice.

My family is generally unsupportive - unless being told to pull yourself together or being told off for being depressed counts as 'help'.

At the best of times I am very self critical and put myself down far too much but I find it so difficult to accept credit for anything I do and when I'm well the best I can say is that I cannot be objective about myself. My basic tenent goes: If I can do it it's easy. If I can't do it its my fault. - I know I cannot win with that Of course when I'm ill that turns into complete and utter self loathing and hatred.

Being depressed is incredibly difficult to describe to a non-sufferer. Most people think it's just feeling a bit low but I'm sure other sufferers will know that doesn't even come close. It is a completely dibilitating and distressing illness. You find everything difficult, you no longer enjoy anything and you want to withdraw from others - if they haven't ran away first. And this is one of the major problems with depression - it does it's best to rob you of the things you need to beat it.

There are a number of factors which can make people more susceptible to depression, the most common of which is stress. Other people class me as a high flyer ( I have multiple degrees including Oxbridge) and this tends to end up with me being in stressful work environments but inevitably i find the stress increases. For example I am supposed to be part of a team 4 supporting one site on one contract. In practice I am a team of 2, where I do the bulk of the work, but I also have to do work for 2 other sites and another contract in the same building. Not good I know. I have been working to get the workload reduced. There's been some additional stresses from home too and at times I've preferred to stay at work.

And yet recently I've been okay a few black days but nothing unusual - the work + tiredness weren't good but things were actually quite positive. I'm sure that I'm not the only depressed person who finds it difficult to go and meet someone but I'd even started to do some online dating and met someone and the first few dates went really well. (Aside: when is the right time to tell someone you suffer from depression?).

Normally I can see the warning signs of a depression creeping up and make some adjustments to at least delay it's onset or lessen it's impact. However, I had an extremely busy week last week including 2 10+ hr days with no breaks. I got in the car on Friday to drive home and somehow managed the energy to drive.

Within an hour of getting home I was at one of the lowest I've ever been - I'd gone into total freefall which is something I have never experienced before. By the time I went to bed all I wanted to do is go to sleep and never wake up. The rest of the weekend has been a complete struggle.
Im finding it very difficult to see anything positive and Im struggling to hang on (I think Ive scared off the person I was seeing - don't blame her I'm petrified myself). I needed a 2hour phone call to my best friend to get me through last night (I was largely silent during it).
Can anybody offer any help, support, or advice? I'm really struggling here.

Hi Paul - come on in, the group is lovely hun. That was courageous of you to post and you were very succinct. You are very welcome angel. We can't give you any medical advice but we can be here for every minute you need us - there's always some kind soul on watch.;) As you may notice, I am the Tiff you've been warned against :rolleyes: :rotfl: - and I do have some thoughts Paul. I will have to post later angel as I'm going out and I've just gone through 30 pages here catching up.:rolleyes:
Be kind to yourself,
Tiff x

Tiff_2

rose07 wrote:

hello firstly welcome

secondly i am soz you feeling soo awful at the moment (i know this feeling all too well at the mo).
i am going to say something tiff has said to me (tiff is our resident hun, you will meet her soon enough, but ya better watch out. lol)I HEARD THAT!

anyhoo try and think of one positive, just one. sounds very hard doesnt it, trust me tiff has put me through me paces. And I haven't finished yet hun!:D Time for 2 more from you before bedtime please!

but just one by this time tomorrow. keep posting and let us know how you are doing. xxx

Proud of you angel - keep up the good work! :j
Much love
Tiff xxx

Tiff_2

Hi Saz - I saw you peeking!:D :rotfl:
Hope you are well - I will try and get online tonight if I can. Still got to figure out how to use my photobucket!:rolleyes:
You've done an excellent job helping Saz :T
have an amazing Monday.
Much love
Tiff xxx