Bang...and the debt is gone! (Hopefully!)

miggy

Uh-oh... maybe you are best having some time away before you catch it off him? Hopefully it won't last. Once he feels he has something to look forward to I expect he'll turn into himself again.

MissShoes wrote: »

Just deliberating how to manage our food shopping this month. I think we'll both take out £100 cash and keep in a purse to use for shopping trips.
.

We do very similar - works for us. It's become a sort of challenge to keep within the cash limit, especially as our week ends on a Sunday and we usually have a 'proper' Sunday dinner.

PS. just had a thought - maybe your OH needs to be in charge of something? I mean, he hasn't got his work to be responsible for (sorry about grammar there) and you are taking the reins financially, so perhaps he feels his life is out of his control? Tell me to shut up if necessary , as I say, it's just a thought and that might not be the case at all.

It's going to be a tough time for both of you... keep calm and do whatever it says on the nearest mug / cushion / poster or wherever the saying has manifested itself. You'll get through and come out stronger. :T

MissShoes

miggy wrote: »

Uh-oh... maybe you are best having some time away before you catch it off him? Hopefully it won't last. Once he feels he has something to look forward to I expect he'll turn into himself again.



We do very similar - works for us. It's become a sort of challenge to keep within the cash limit, especially as our week ends on a Sunday and we usually have a 'proper' Sunday dinner.

PS. just had a thought - maybe your OH needs to be in charge of something? I mean, he hasn't got his work to be responsible for (sorry about grammar there) and you are taking the reins financially, so perhaps he feels his life is out of his control? Tell me to shut up if necessary , as I say, it's just a thought and that might not be the case at all.

It's going to be a tough time for both of you... keep calm and do whatever it says on the nearest mug / cushion / poster or wherever the saying has manifested itself. You'll get through and come out stronger. :T

I definitely won't be catching his negativity- that won't lead anywhere good.

I thought about putting him in charge of something so he feels empowered. So I tried it- weeks later it still hasn't been done and I end up nagging which leads to conflict. But I'll try (although I'm dreading coming home to him having sat on the computer the whole day playing games whilst the chores haven't been done etc).

Anyway chin up. Fingers crossed interview on Wednesday will be successful. If not, as long as he's applying everyday and really giving it 100% then I can't complain.

It also doesn't help that he doesn't really go out anywhere so the person he speaks to 99% of the time is me. If I was him I'd be climbing the walls and getting out of the house, even if it's for a walk or to pop to the shop or post office etc. As soon as he's at the computer that's it- he'll be on it for hours and nothing else will get a look in- including me. Of course, this is a vicious cycle and the more he does it the harder it will be to stop/break the habit.

I've tried saying to him get the job hunting, housework, errands, phone calls etc done, get some fresh air and then play the game so at least he'll feel a sense of accomplishment. This has so far fallen on deaf ears. His motivation and self-confidence is so low- I'm even nagging him to take a shower and do his teeth each day- he's like a very scruffy student atm!

What can I do? Feeling very 'hands-tied'. If I try to check hes done something or remind him of something then I'm nagging. But I really feel he's at crisis point. Not loving being on the receiving end of his anger/resentment/bitterness.

MissShoes

One positive- £40 I wasn't expecting to be paid back/had forgotten someone owed me was paid back yesterday. It has gone on trainers and gym clothes as there was no space in the budget for this and they are needed desperately. This is a treat for me. Also getting a much needed manicure this month and am finding out about some highlights to perk me up- ebay sales to cover this. Also I've budgeted this month on taking home £2.5k but there's a chance it may be a little more as I had a little overtime although it was a very little amount.

Currently, my budget (including socialising £50, hair £40, nails £35 and a payment towards a holiday- although this may not go ahead) is showing a deficit of £55.70.

Currently I have ebay sales up to £26 so I'm almost halfway there and I'll keep my fingers crossed that my wages will cover the deficit.

Hmm.

MissShoes

I've got £13 of clubcard vouchers heading my way in February. That will help with the tough grocery budget.

MissShoes

£200 from MFYP has cleared. Money for gym clothes which had been taken by the look of my balance yesterday is now back in my account and available- but the clothes are being delivered today. Hmm not sure what's happening there.

Fleabay sales up to £26.80.

I'm facing the day from hell at work- around 12 hours full of people moaning and complaining, usually about things that are beyond my control.

OH has accused me of not being supportive- at which point massive row and cue me bursting into tears and listing all the times I'm supportive of him. Very tense night with broken sleep. He played on his computer til almost 4am- I'd guess for the whole day he played for 12+ hours.

I'm feeling defeated and hurt and let down by him. He should be galvanised and determined in his job hunt. He's just lethargic and resentful. Scarily, I think he gives off a defensive, argumentative vibe in his dealings with his former employers and I'm worried he's like this in interviews. He doesn't seem to grasp that he's at the bottom of the ladder and needs to put up and shut up to a certain extent until he's qualified enough to apply for more challenging and complex positions.

Nervy and exhausted- not the best way to start the day. Still, hot shower and an early night for me later which is something to look forward to.

MissShoes

eBay items up to £30.80

miggy

Wow, it's a real uphill struggle at the moment isn't it? Sending you a big {{hug}} in the hope that might help a bit.

Well done on the incoming money and new trainers / gym clothes. That will help you feel better and give you a boost. I take it OH isn't into the gym? Shame.

He might just be taking it all out on you because there's no one else around... you must feel 'what more does he want?' Work doesn't help either. How did today go?

The only thing that comes to mind that might make a difference: there's a book called something like 'The five languages of love' which I found interesting. The premise is that people experience and give love in different ways. So a gift-giver will feel unloved if their partner is a huggy person who doesn't do gifts, etc. Aha... found a link. There might be some ideas there?

Keep your chin up and maybe don't expect anything from him for a bit. Has he got any mates who would come round for a couple of hours? Anything to break the strangle-hold of the computer.

MissShoes

Negativity over! A truce has been reached- we shall see how long it lasts. I'm being positive!

miggy

MissShoes wrote: »

Negativity over! A truce has been reached- we shall see how long it lasts. I'm being positive!

:T:T:T

Well done - and good luck! You need lots of that... not always easy though.

MissShoes

Wages in, gas and electricity refunds in, money from OH will come in on Friday, biggest payments have gone out

I'm colour-coding everything green on the spreadsheet as the payment has come out/it's been paid/it's been taken out

Listing OHs mobile on recycle site- the price they've quoted is £52 but I think on receiving it it'll be reduced as it's a bit battered. All spare monies for him to survive on for a while. I'll get the cashback but he'll get the cash. MSE approach.

His interview was ok but he's not hopeful. We'll see.