Safety gates for older children

DVardysShadow

delain wrote: »

thorsoak wrote: »

When you take her toys away - when do you give them back?

Sometimes not for months, usually when she has done something good i will give one back and i tell her that it's because she has been good.

Well I suspect you are being way too hard on her. She feels she has to climb glass mountain to get a toy back, so why should she bother? Remember Dr Tanya only had them sat on the naughty step for 1 minute for every year of their lives. Time to get yourself off the hook and have a toy amnesty immediately.

Plus, I think taking a toy for so long is actually disrespecting her ownership of her personal property. I am not surprised that this is playing out as disrespect of the household

emsywoo123

Gingham_Ribbon wrote: »

That's a good idea.

We had a lot of luck with jars of pasta. One jar was for breaking the rules and one was for doing well. We started with 50 pieces of pasta in the 'good' jar and would add 10 more every time he hit a target but we'd take 5 out every time he broke a rule and put it in the 'naughty' jar. (We'd take the pasta out of the 'naughty' jar to put in the other one if there was any in it. At the end of the week we'd see which jar had the most pasta in it. If the good jar had more in, we'd give him a treat. Then we'd start afresh.

It worked well but we only had 2 or 3 straighforward rules at a time and we really enthused about the successess.

I love the pasta idea!! Things ok with DD (6) but I understand you never know when ideas like this may be invaluable

bestpud

Am I the only one who thinks it is a bit risky putting high things in the way of a very determined child, especially when they will be used at night i.e. in the dark??

There has got to be a better and safer way, surely?

This is a discipline issue and I'd approach it as one.

If you go down the road of blocking her, you house will resemble Fort Knox within a few years!! You'll have her jumping out of windows and goodness knows what else unless you can actually teach her not to do it!

This stands if she has aspergers too - in fact it matters even more if she has it!

Sorry if that offends but I think you are asking for trouble and the risk of a serious accident is quite high.

honeyD

I have a family member who has a daughter like this. I think the reason she used to do it was because she was hungry as she went into the fridge and pulled out everything and ate sandiwch stuff and margarine, yet there was chocolate in there which was untouched so obviously hungry. She was about 3 or 4 at the time.
I think all of their kids do it now. Not just going in the fridge but.. going by the last posters comments "the place is like fort knox". There is a lock at the top of the kitchen door, but apparently one of the kids has opened it in the past by climbing.. no idea how. Theres stuff up at the windows because one of them climbs onto the windowsills and jumps off, once breaking his arm. Climbing onto the bench to get to the fridge which has scissors on top and then using the scissors to cut hair/curtains/clothes.. anything really. Its very dangerous, I dont see why in a house with these children they would have scissors but there you go.
I know for a fact these problems are because of lack of discipline, though I cannot say what the problem is with your child since I dont know you lol.
I just think its a bad idea to lock things without teaching them its wrong because they just become more daring.

delain

bestpud wrote: »

Am I the only one who thinks it is a bit risky putting high things in the way of a very determined child, especially when they will be used at night i.e. in the dark?? The idea is she may not try to go downstairs because it's there in her way, this has worked before. I don't think she's determined to climb over something, she just does it because she's awake IMO.

There has got to be a better and safer way, surely?

This is a discipline issue and I'd approach it as one.

If you go down the road of blocking her, you house will resemble Fort Knox within a few years!! You'll have her jumping out of windows and goodness knows what else unless you can actually teach her not to do it! I'm not suggesting I put a gate up instead of teaching her. i'm suggesting i put it up AS WELL as teaching her.

This stands if she has aspergers too - in fact it matters even more if she has it! She pontentially has dyspraxia, not the same thing at all. Dyspraxia causes poor co ordination, bad handwriting and often excess energy which is probably what causes her to get frustrated at school and find it difficult to sleep.

Sorry if that offends but I think you are asking for trouble and the risk of a serious accident is quite high. The gate would be going in the hallway where there is some space the other side if she did fall. She would be extremely unlikely to fall down the stairs.

.......................

bestpud

Am I the only one who thinks it is a bit risky putting high things in the way of a very determined child, especially when they will be used at night i.e. in the dark?? The idea is she may not try to go downstairs because it's there in her way, this has worked before. I don't think she's determined to climb over something, she just does it because she's awake IMO.

I was thinking of her climbing the fridge when I made that comment - she sounded like a child who will do what it takes iyswim?
There has got to be a better and safer way, surely?

This is a discipline issue and I'd approach it as one.

If you go down the road of blocking her, you house will resemble Fort Knox within a few years!! You'll have her jumping out of windows and goodness knows what else unless you can actually teach her not to do it! I'm not suggesting I put a gate up instead of teaching her. i'm suggesting i put it up AS WELL as teaching her.

This stands if she has aspergers too - in fact it matters even more if she has it! She pontentially has dyspraxia, not the same thing at all. Dyspraxia causes poor co ordination, bad handwriting and often excess energy which is probably what causes her to get frustrated at school and find it difficult to sleep.

Sorry, I meant dyspraxia and that was one of the reasons I was worried about her falling.

Sorry if that offends but I think you are asking for trouble and the risk of a serious accident is quite high. The gate would be going in the hallway where there is some space the other side if she did fall. She would be extremely unlikely to fall down the stairs.

I think perhaps putting in a kitchen door and locking it is the safest option, personally.

Do you think she'd stop trying altogether, or she'd only stop once she'd checked the gate? So having it there for a while will break the habit and she'll eventually find something else to do and you can then remove the gate?

Is that what you are thinking of?

delain

bestpud wrote: »

Am I the only one who thinks it is a bit risky putting high things in the way of a very determined child, especially when they will be used at night i.e. in the dark?? The idea is she may not try to go downstairs because it's there in her way, this has worked before. I don't think she's determined to climb over something, she just does it because she's awake IMO.

I was thinking of her climbing the fridge when I made that comment - she sounded like a child who will do what it takes iyswim?
There has got to be a better and safer way, surely?

This is a discipline issue and I'd approach it as one.

If you go down the road of blocking her, you house will resemble Fort Knox within a few years!! You'll have her jumping out of windows and goodness knows what else unless you can actually teach her not to do it! I'm not suggesting I put a gate up instead of teaching her. i'm suggesting i put it up AS WELL as teaching her.

This stands if she has aspergers too - in fact it matters even more if she has it! She pontentially has dyspraxia, not the same thing at all. Dyspraxia causes poor co ordination, bad handwriting and often excess energy which is probably what causes her to get frustrated at school and find it difficult to sleep.

Sorry, I meant dyspraxia and that was one of the reasons I was worried about her falling.

Sorry if that offends but I think you are asking for trouble and the risk of a serious accident is quite high. The gate would be going in the hallway where there is some space the other side if she did fall. She would be extremely unlikely to fall down the stairs.

I think perhaps putting in a kitchen door and locking it is the safest option, personally.

Do you think she'd stop trying altogether, or she'd only stop once she'd checked the gate? So having it there for a while will break the habit and she'll eventually find something else to do and you can then remove the gate?

Is that what you are thinking of?

Yes that was what i was thinking, that that along with getting her a cheapy digital alarm clock so she can see what time it is might reinforce 'night time is for staying upstairs and sleeping' and then try and positively reward her, by letting her stay up half an hour later to read.

As i said somewhere else she did this when she was 5 and stopped eventually but all these issues with her dad and his mum have flared it up again, especially with her nan telling her she can't see her Daddy because i want her to forget him :rolleyes:

julie03

this sounds very much like my son, he has dysphraxia and it doesnt matter what you take away and punish him with he just does it again and again, we have taken toys away for weeks and weeks and still have problems, i havent found a solution yet but will be going on some courses to help with disipline as it has to be done in a different way to normal children.

and why do people have to criticise the op on her parenting skills, she asked for advice not criticism, its hard when you have a child like this, and the said child doesnt respond to normal disipline, give her a break

LydiaJ

delain wrote: »

As i said somewhere else she did this when she was 5 and stopped eventually but all these issues with her dad and his mum have flared it up again, especially with her nan telling her she can't see her Daddy because i want her to forget him :rolleyes:

Does this woman still have contact with your child? Unless there is a court order for her to have access, then do not let her see any of your children again, at least for a long time. I understand that she is upset about the situation, but she is an adult, and she must be made to understand that she has to deal with her feelings in an adult context, and not mess with small children's minds by telling them lies.

I think :rolleyes: is way too soft for this menace. In your position i would be putting :eek: :mad: :wall:

dizziblonde

My mother trained me and my brother that we were allowed to get up before the rest of the family on a morning and go downstairs, but we were only allowed to get ourselves a bowl of cereal, and put the TV on and stick a video on, or get our own toys out - basically a very safe list of things to do and something that we could organize ourselves breakfast-related. She started that from about age 6ish - just made sure bowls/cereal were in a low cupboard and that that was the only places we were allowed in the kitchen without specific permission.

Generally that approach worked well, had only one incident of my brother getting into something he shouldn't do and he's always been an early riser compared to my mum who needs a rocket launcher up her rear to get up before midday (not through laziness - she's just a total night owl like me and usually knackered!).