My 10 year old has anger management problems - how to help?

DVardysShadow

mrcow wrote: »

If a ten year old was kicking and destroying my property, I'd stick them in the car and take them down the police station - and he could explain his anger issues to them.

Violence is no joke - and it's completely unacceptable for him to think that this is a way to deal with his temper.

Is he like it at school? or elsewhere?

And I think you would make your problems worse. The police are not really interested in anything except a result in their statistics, so they will say 'thank you very much' [for the opportunity to improve their statistics] and then just apply a bit of sadism or anything really, which will not address the problem, just leave a more angry child out the back of the station.

mrcow

DVardysShadow wrote: »

And I think you would make your problems worse. The police are not really interested in anything except a result in their statistics, so they will say 'thank you very much' [for the opportunity to improve their statistics] and then just apply a bit of sadism or anything really, which will not address the problem, just leave a more angry child out the back of the station.

A ten year old is responsioble for their actions. If they are damaging property then it should involve the police. If a ten year old got angry and kicked your front door in, would you not report it?

This kid needs help and he needs to understand that you don't go round punching or kicking anything, no matter how much you don't get your own way.

Like I asked earlier? Is he like this at school? If so, I'm surprised the authorities aren't already involved?

TheEffect

Speak to the SENCO at his school and get him referred to an educational psychologist. I work for the SEN department at a secondary school and we usually only refer cases to the psychologist if the behaviour continues at school, as is not isolated to the home environment. Good luck.

peachyprice

stressedoutmum wrote: »

I took him to the doctor before for advice and he told me he is in fact a very clever little boy as he doesnt do this at school or anywhere else.

No family or friends have seen this as he only does it at home which means he can control it. .

mrcow wrote: »

Like I asked earlier? Is he like this at school? If so, I'm surprised the authorities aren't already involved?

OP aleady said that it was only at home in her first post

freebiequennie

Remove everything from his room other than a matress on the floor, for good behaviour he can have something back in his room he wants but if misbehaves he loses it.

set strict boundaries and dont give idol threats if you say you are going to do something do it as otherwise he knows he can just push and push.

I would ring the school nurse tommorow for some advice and support she should be able to do some one to one anger management work with your son - school nurse can be contacted through local PCT they cover several schools in an area and are qualified nurses often with additional qualifications in school nursing and training in many areas inc behaviour management and anger management.

Is there any parenting courses in your area we have fun and families who run parenting courses inc one titled living with a teenager for parents of children of secondary school age, these are free and can be reffered by yourself or a professional.

Or can you ask school to start a CAF (common asssesment framework) or I think you can start one of these yourself. whoever starts it presents it at a multi-agency meeting and everyone looks at the childs needs and decides who will do what to support the child and family- this means you dont have to tell your story over and over again to a number of professionals.

Hope this helps and good luck

freebiequennie

sorry forgot to say its not unusual for some children to behave like this just for their parents I have a brother with aspergers syndrome and he is evil at home (well not always but alot of the time) but to anyone else he is fine.

mrcow

peachyprice wrote: »

OP aleady said that it was only at home in her first post

Thanks - I missed that first time round.

So what we're bascally saying here is that this 10 year old kid somehow things that violence - as long as it's contained in the domestic environment is acceptable. This is the same kid who was committing theft at the age of 9.

I absolutely would be involving the police. You can't go round kicking in someone's kitchen. These things cost money. If he knows better outside of the home, then he obvously understands how to control his behaviour. No one should have to put up with domestic violence - no matter who it is who is causing it.

chloe99_2

Especially since you mention that this only hsppens at home, I absolutely would not, never ever refer this problem to school sen, ed psych, child metal health svs or the police. Imagine what kind of labelling and stigma you could be attaching to your child's future - possibly doing more damage that the present predicament. What if referral to any of these svs causes an invovlement by social svs which can be a little like a runaway train?

I dont actually think you want any fo these things, and I think some of the advice you have had about home management are the best you will find for your son.

Monintor what is winding him up, what is the pattern
exercise exercise exercise
Consider if there may be any food sensitivities but dont go mad hunting for them
put him in his room when he is pitching a tantrum

I think it is partly a control issue (possibly) but largely a SELF control issue. Dont bother dicussing when he is mad, you are onoly winding yourself up

Discuss when he is calm and see if he can help you find a solution

Spendless

What about speaking to these

http://www.parentlineplus.org.uk/

It does have some tips on dealing with aggression in children.



http://www.parentlineplus.org.uk/default.aspx?page=viewtip&module=tips-view&id=22

Sarahsaver

Does anyone else (adults, other kids?) in the home deal with things angrily or aggressively? Like swearing or shouting? Make sure they are not because you all have to be 'singing from the same song sheet' so to speak.
kids often kick off at home and not elsewhere not because they are 'getting away' with anything but because they feel secure enough that you will still love them after its all blown over. friendships /schools may not be so secure an environment.