Burlesque Babe bid to stay debt free in 2010

Burlesque_Babe

going to log off and try to chill....as I finished my last post my nose started bleeding and has only just stopped. A sure sign that my blood pressure is a bit high, I have a weak blood vessel in my nose and I was once told it is my pressure valve going off when I have a nose bleed.

Both me and my bathroom looked like a scene from Texas chainsaw massacre (rolleyes)........

thankyou for letting me wail and vent. I think it's probably me trying to analyse all the events that led to today and the fook up on both sides between me and my ex that put me where I am and he where he is.

Ellidee

Hugs BB. XX

beanielou

Take care hun.
Hope you can sleep xx

ZTD

Apologies for slicing and dicing this...

Burlesque_Babe wrote: »

I don't expect much of a detailed reply etc, I just need to get it all down.

If you didn't want a detailed reply, you should have said "I don't want a detailed reply". But at least you know for next time...

Burlesque_Babe wrote: »

had some news tonight that is now making me cry for a number of reasons.

I went to see Charlie and my ex has decided to sell his (our old) house. It isn't completely unexpected but for him to actually make the decision is upsetting.

Burlesque_Babe wrote: »

I just keep crying but I don't know why. I wouldn't want to be with him again, but it is hurting that it has had to come to this.

Of course it is. Your relationship with your ex is complicated

Burlesque_Babe wrote: »

Of course, there's the issue of losing even more contact with Charlie. His mum lives on the outskirts of Portsmouth so about an hour away and he has said he still wants to do supply in Poole and would he be able to drop him off with me so I can see him for the day?

He is the Keeper of Charlie...

Burlesque_Babe wrote: »

I'm upset because although we split over 6 years ago, we've still kept in regular touch and so to see 'my' house being sold is going to be horrible.

He is the Link to Your former Care-Free Past.

Burlesque_Babe wrote: »

For a minute, I felt incredibly guilt which now makes me cry harder. I thought - if we hadn't have split this wouldn't be happening. There would have been 2 incomes and we'd have coped. But would we? I have fully embraced the ethos of MSE and realise that money management is sometimes bloody hard work. He has just blindly carried on spending £80+ a week at the supermarket, would I have been able to change this if we'd been together? Would I have become a 'convert' at all? Maybe we'd have both been sinking by now.

He is the Stick Of Guilt You Beat Yourself With Whenever You Do Something That Puts You First and Not Some Else First.

He's a Friend

Burlesque_Babe wrote: »

I've helped him pull in his finances in lots of ways but he hasn't pulled in his food shopping. He has around 15k of CC debt and about 10k on a secured loan.

Burlesque_Babe wrote: »

I've been desparately trying to help - sending links to jobs (over 90% of which he hasn't bothered going for), links to job websites (again, he doesn't bother looking at), links to free or very cheap training (his IT skills are poor and I have tried to hammer home how important some IT training is needed even if he gets another job teaching PE). He's just ignored all the training I've given him information about.

Burlesque_Babe wrote: »

I feel (perhaps stupidly) that I've spoon fed him so many opportunities, advice and opportunities to at least try to improve his 'lot' and that he's just shrugged at the whole lot.

He is the Grown Man You Are Mothering.

Burlesque_Babe wrote: »

He won't be on the streets - his Mum has said he is more than welcome to go home. After paying off the mortgage and his debts, I guess he'd have around £60-£65k in his pocket to start again. A decent deposit if he can hang on to it.

Well, not only you, but his Mother too.

First thing: You can not save people from themselves.

Second thing: You can not save people from themselves.

The whole thing smacks of his deep and abiding immaturity.

Burlesque_Babe wrote: »

He hasn't bothered looking for a job other than the occasional look at the Times Ed. online on a Friday.

Burlesque_Babe wrote: »

I also feel frustrated that although he says he understands the enormity of the situation he isn't prepared to go out and look for work 'in case I get a week of supply work which will pay me over £100 a day'. I've said he should have been going round temp agencies for warehouse/gardening etc work back in July to get some work which may only pay £800-£1000 per month but would have eaten into his redundancy money much slower than it has done. He has about 2 months money left.

Is this laziness? Denial? Pride? Status? Or just a refusal to change when change has been thrust upon him?

Or is it that if he acts helpless then "Mummy" or Mummy will come along and make it go away, like has always happened?

Burlesque_Babe wrote: »

His IT skills are really prohibiting him getting another job and I've really tried to push this home to little success 'you can teach me all I need to know'. No I can't!!! I can help and I've taught him the basics of Word, email and the internet but he really needs some IT training.

But if you teach him, then "Mummy" will be kind and won't make him feel like he's stupid.

Burlesque_Babe wrote: »

I feel that he should get out there and find a job - any job. Put the work in and be motivated and positive. Life's bloody hard at times but it can be a positive experience and that just giving up the minute he gets the opportunity is the wrong attitude. I guess I feel if I can do it, then why can't he?

Because while he is a little boy at heart - you are not a little girl.

Burlesque_Babe wrote: »

My ex still wants to get a job and not to move. The problem is that he is looking for a job which is so specific only 1 or 2 will come up per year and whilst I've said that, it seems to change nothing. It's almost as if the day he was made redundant, he has been planning for today to happen as some kind of inevitability. He feels he is 'too old and too expensive' for the job he does, yet that is the only job he'll go for.

He can not stand rejection. That's why. That's why he wants almost exactly the "perfect" job for him, because how can he be rejected for a job that's perfect for him?

Burlesque_Babe wrote: »

Including - perhaps he has the right idea? Perhaps I'm the stupid one struggling on?

In this world there are those that fight and survive, and those that just lie supine and die. It's very rare you get to choose. It is usually just what expresses itself when fate pays a visit.

"Ms Firewarden" seems to want to take control of her own fate. Does your ex?

Burlesque_Babe

you're right, I'm mothering him, probably always have done. Guess I need to toughen up more really.

Awful night's sleep, weird dream about some woman telling me about a job that I had an interview for that I wasn't prepared for or dressed for interview wise and whilst I was in the interview I had to feed all his pets which included a plate of weird fish and a dog :huh:

Work today, teaching tonight.

beanielou

Just out of curiosity how did you meet your current OH?
Random I know but twas wondering.

Burlesque_Babe

We met in a pub. I was with my ex and I was kind of swept off my feet a bit. We knew each other for about 3 months before we actually got together. My relationship with my ex was almost at breaking point for various reasons and my now OH was a bit of knight in shining armour and gave me the confidence to end the relationship a couple of months later.

Didn't quite work though that he stayed being a knight in shining armour.

beanielou

OMG who would have thought!!!!!!!!!

Burlesque_Babe

My flute has arrived. It's great - just what I expected, a student flute, complete with smiley stickers on the case! I would call my level on picking it up (VERY!) rusty but retrievable and although I've not picked one up for 20 years I've already played a few bits of sheet music I've found on a Flute music website. Got to start with the easy stuff though to try to remember it all!

Teaching tonight. Sigh. It's dull, cold and wet, my knee is killing me and I don't want to go. I'm being observed as part of my teaching qual. tonight and I'm sending a little prayer to ask that another observer turns up to do my unannounced observation at the same time because that would mean a hell of a lot less paperwork I'd bother with for my next course!!!

Applied for the 20 month project support job. It closes on the 11th of Feb.

Felt a bit sad and rough all day. At the end of the day, it's his life, his decisions and I have to perhaps try to stop pushing the MSE way of life onto him that he has to fight/get a job/budget hard/push every penny until it squeaks if that isn't what he wants to do. Maybe a fresh start for him (albeit a move to his Mums house) will be a release rather than him seeing it as a failure.

ZTD

Burlesque_Babe wrote: »

you're right, I'm mothering him, probably always have done. Guess I need to toughen up more really.

Awful night's sleep, weird dream about some woman telling me about a job that I had an interview for that I wasn't prepared for or dressed for interview wise and whilst I was in the interview I had to feed all his pets which included a plate of weird fish and a dog :huh:

Did they come with chips?