Burlesque Babe bid to stay debt free in 2010

Pooky

Ok so he's not gone for jobs that may or may not have got him out of a situation but he's doing something proactive in selling the house and moving on. That in itself takes a lot of courage. If that's what's right for him then support him as you've tried to in other ways.

I know it's hard to watch someone seemingly throw it all away but if this is what he feels he has to do then just be there for him if he needs you.

sallyx

BB you have my sympathy being in the same boat...
I do have to agree with Pooky though, he is a grown man, its about time that he made some decisions on his own, which he seems to have done. Now he needs to make the mistakes for himself, no matter how hard that is for you to sit back and watch. If you were still with him, you would have battered him to the ground with the DFW spade and he would be under the allotment!

Its always going to be sad after this length of time as this really is a goodbye to that bit of your old life. I really hope that he realises what he needs to do to get a job and saves himself from havng to sell

Hugs hun

Burlesque_Babe

I know........I just think I'm having incredible feelings of guilt. I still can't stop crying. Lots of 'what if' in my head and realising that all my help etc over the months is probably me trying to appease the guilt I feel for 6 years ago. He's a nice guy, he didn't deserve for me to end the relationship but things were at breaking point at the time.

At the same time though, it's just so sad to see that he gave up as soon as he lost his job and has almost been waiting for today.

It's a good job OH isn't here. I'm falling apart, I really am and I don't know why.

sallyx

BB you might feel guilty but you also need to flip the coin and look in on what you had. Did you deserve to carry on in a relationship like that? I am sure he knew full well the reasons for the breakup and why you did what you did, after all he remains very good friends with you and to be that seems like he very much understood!

Some people (men especially) just don't cope with the rejection of loosing a job. He probably feels very low and can't be bothered so this is the easiest option for him. It really might not be as bad as you think, he might be very happy with this decision and moving into another area might open up more job oportunities. Can I ask did he teach PE at high school level? What sort of job exactly is he looking for?

beanielou

Not sure what to say TBH.
Did he hear about t the learning support job?
As you say he really needs to brush up on his IT skills.

sallyx

There is a vacancy at THS for boys PE, which is a miracle as they never come up if thats his sort of thing?

http://www.thomas-hardye.dorset.sch.uk/pages/information/vacancies.php#pe

Burlesque_Babe

He won't apply for it Sal. I've sent it to him but he says he is too old and too expensive. He thinks he won't even get an interview. I've said he needs the interview experience for his 'ideal' job but he still won't go for it.

He wants a job teaching PE in an independent (but not too posh) school or a really good state school (some experiences in some local comps have left him reeling). He teaches PE so it can only be boys. He was Head of dept. so feels he can't be anything lower. He won't go for deputy head - natural progression as he feels that isn't him.

Like you say Sal - a miracle job. And he won't go for it as it doesn't quite fit what he wants - I feel its partly fear (of something, don't know what) but I can't understand why he won't go for jobs.

I have managed tonight to get him to fill in an application form for the council's contracted gardens company (sorry, can't think of the right word). Even that was down to me emailing the company asking about how they employ grounds/parks staff and she said they are looking for March-September casual staff and sending him a form. He's quite happy to go for this - so I've said why not go to all the agencies and register saying this is what you want to do? :huh: He says the money isn't enough long term. I said - but this is what I've been advising you to do since last July, it's not too late!!

He seems to have accepted that job loss = house reposession so just wait for it to happen.

Burlesque_Babe

Lou - he went to the interview. I helped him put together a presentation (it was on teaching in a class of 6 autistic teenagers) and he went along. On the positive side, they would have bitten his hand off. The school though is more a..........lifelong residential secure unit I won't bore you with the detail because they were really sad, but it was the most extreme end of autism care for teenagers/young adults you can get. He spent 2 hours observing (he was the only candidate) and then decided not to go into the interview because he felt the presentation was aimed at moderate/severe learning difficulties rather than the situation at the school. He felt he didn't have the experience and to be fair, he didn't. It was more.........an 'institution' (sorry, don't know the right word to describe it), than a school and there was little real 'teaching'.

It was also more than an hour each way and right out in the sticks. This would have been 90 minutes each way in the summer due to tourist traffic and whilst this shouldn't be a barrier in his situation, I do feel he made the right decision. I think he should have gone through with the interview, but he didn't feel it was right to take something further that he really wasn't comfortable with. He emailed them thanking them and offering to volunteer to expand his experience, but never heard anything back.

sallyx

Such a shame..I know head of dept so could put in a good word...and the PE dept at hardyes is big. He won't find a better high school, its amazing. All the independants are going to be stuck up, thats the way they are lol

very very frustrating

beanielou

Independants are good as generaly the kids are much better behaved than state.