The Ultimate Incentive to have an amazing 2010.

Birdie85

Thanks girls... I don't think anyone is being harsh, you just want to help me! I need all the help I can get, I'm useless!

We do have joint for bills and separate spends but I’ve been telling him that we need to put extra into a savings pot for the wedding but he’s been refusing to saying that he puts plenty into the joint account and we’ve got ‘loads’ in the joint account for the wedding… which as I said is a myth! So he’s been going out loads and spending a fortune (of his money) on beer whilst I’ve been struggling to keep things in the black on both my account and the joint account. He’s now seen the light and plans on staying in a lot more, saying that our wedding is not going to suffer. He’s also agreed to stop going to the supermarket on a weekend and spending loads on treats that we don’t need! He has a real problem with shouldering blame, I’m not saying it is all his fault that money runs low but he can’t accept that it is a joint problem. Fair enough, I do the majority of the top-up shopping but it’s because when I do a Big Shop and buy things to make specific meals with the view to making them last x number of meals he’ll take the ingredients and make his own meal with them which may only be enough for his lunch and dinner! I refuse to live on supernoodles so the shopping gets pricey because I like to eat healthier food.

Joint account is funded by £600 from me and £750 from him which leaves us with just over £300 each for spends. Out of my ‘spends’ I have to pay off my CC debt (which is basically mine alone bar some joint bits but I’m not going to start picking holes). The reason I haven’t updated my debt is that I just don’t have the exact figures to hand and I kind of don’t want to know which is terrible! I haven’t added loads to it but it isn’t coming down as quickly as I’d like!

I think I am having a bit of a LBM as we’ve got a lot on our plate now and I’m getting very stressed about it! The simple fact that I can’t afford contacts (which I buy online but I get daily disposables as I only wear them on a weekend and I get really sore eyes when I wear them so I’m wary about getting different ones in case it’s a waste of money? Help me out with recommendations if you have them for longer lasting ones!) is really getting me down!

The bed was a non-essential that I regret spending so much on at such a bad time financially but our old bed was so uncomfortable and small that we hardly ever had a decent nights sleep. We were falling out all the time because we were griping about who kept whom awake all night so it has been worth it to save our relationship! We get on a heck of a lot better now that we sleep well!

Lara44

Hey Birdie

Sorry that you're feeling down. I am with Swinstie, we have been over budget every month since December! I agree you need to chat with your OH about the joint account - this should just be for essentials, and you should both be really tough about not spending anything else from it.

I have a bit of a different perspective about the debt issue, in that as you're getting married (and are in a committed relationship) I don't think you should be tackling it alone. As you're paying the debt back this means your income is reduced. I would expect your OH to make allowances for this in paying at least a bit more a month into the joint for bills. Just as if one person earned more and one less they should contribute to the pot proportionately. I think this is a budgeting issue and not so much a debt issue.

I don't think it's so bad about the bed as (if I remember right) that was a joint purchase and it's sometimes not fair to the other person in the relationship if nothing new is ever allowed to be bought because of the debt. But then when I was clearing my debt / saving for my fees there were also certain things I wouldn't compromise on, like eating out with my OH. Then there were also things that I did to mitigate this, such as mystery shopping.

Why don't you post us your soa? Or is that a bit harsh

ETA: Oh I just missed your big long post! Yes it's easy to think there's 'loads' sometimes, but if you show him all the figures in Martins spreadsheet (and don't forget the savings calc for the wedding) then perhaps it will make everything a bit more tangible. We had loads of 'negotiations' before we did the joint thing and even now it's tricky trying to work everything out!

Dinah93

Birdie, stage one in facing your debts and a LBM: Get your paperwork today, find out exactly how much you owe. And destroy the cards. Don't spend on them for any reason at all. It just isn't worth you bein this stressed.

Afraid I use daily disposables as I'm allergic to the solution used for washing reusables.

£300 spends each is LOADS! We have this between the two of us and I don't really feel like we miss out. How much do you put towards debt clearance a month?

Your OH needs to face facts, if he needed £750 a month before to cover bills and morgage, a wedding isn't free! I don't know how much it's costing you, but lets say £3000, your wedding is a year away, that's about £275 a month you'd need to save, or an extra £140 or so each to put into the joint account. This would leave you almost no spends money/money for debt clearance, so it might well be time to look at ways to get in an extra £300 or so a month, such as the £10 a day challenge, one of you getting a second job etc. It's all too easy to stick your head in the sand, and it'll only get worse, so face up to it now, if you want the lovely wedding and you need to clear the debt, not just so you can sleep at night, then you need to make sacrifices, be that severely reducing your spends, or starting to make more money and sacrificing your free time.

x

Dinah93

LaraHoust wrote: »

Hey Birdie

I have a bit of a different perspective about the debt issue, in that as you're getting married (and are in a committed relationship) I don't think you should be tackling it alone. As you're paying the debt back this means your income is reduced. I would expect your OH to make allowances for this in paying at least a bit more a month into the joint for bills. Just as if one person earned more and one less they should contribute to the pot proportionately. I think this is a budgeting issue and not so much a debt issue.

We had loads of 'negotiations' before we did the joint thing and even now it's tricky trying to work everything out!

I think it depends on how the finances in the relationship work. Given there are seperate spends accounts I think if one person runs up the debt its because they overspent, rather than running it up on joint bills or both overspending. If joint fiances are the way things are going then yes, both need to cut back. We only have joint fiances, if things are tight for one they're tight for both, but then neither of us are big spenders, and if we were I think we'd be more likely to structure it like Mr & Mrs Birdie to avoid blame and bickering over who is over spending.

Birdie85

The debt is mine and I'm taking the weight of it. I'll work out my finances with the help of OH tonight, he's doing some phoning around today and reducing bills from his sick bed!

I want to get on ebay but some horror stories have put me off a bit! Think I'll just have to risk it though, as long as I can steal the laptop off OH long enough tonight to actually get things listed!

Dinah93

For ebay be completely honest in your listings, if it has a hole in it or some part is a bit faulty, state this. Honestly yes there are horror stories, but its still a good earner especially for anything worth over about £3-£5, which is most clothes, electricals etc.

Cinny91

Ebay isn't all bad Birdie, Me and my Dad made lots of pennies on it last year without any problems!

Dinah93

8 paintings listed on my Etsy shop I still have two more to take pictures of and upload, but spreading some listings to tomorrow will increase visability so this is the job for tomorrow.

Cinny91

I really love the first kiss one! Your paintings are great Dinah, my skills stop at stick men. Sometimes I can do stick animals, but it's a hit and miss kind of thing.

Having my nails done tonight, pretty gel ones again! Free too, cause they're done by my Mum. Will be nice to just sit down and relax for a bit, honestly feels like I've been going none stop for weeks. Although I'm not 100% sure what I've been doing - just not had a moment to myself! Looking forward to the hairdressers tomorrow for the same reason, plus the shampoo they use makes my hair really shiney.

Pilchard

Hi everyone

I'm back from Cyprus and am well pleased as I only put 3.5lb back on so will need to change my signature. I'm heading back to the points and stuff tomorrow when I start back at work. My nephew is also doing really well and now has these little false legs that they start them off on until he can manage to get up from a fall and learn to balance on them. I've got a little video clip of him on my phone trying to do the okey cokey with his stubbies and his crutches.

On the down side the money situation has got worse cos when I came home I had a tax bill for £750 and they were threatening debt collectors! Luckily OH had a lump sum pension pay out on his 50th birthday (last week) so has paid it for me but I now need to decide what to do. Basically it was cos I did my self assessment on 4th January well before the deadline but didn't know they won't take any tax owing off your monthly pay if you completed it after 31st December. I don't know how I owe £750 but when I checked before it was to do with my student loan. That's now going to be a bigger problem as my current complany won't take student loan repayments out of my salary despite me telling them about it and indicating it on my P45 when I started there. They keep saying they need an end date to do that and I've told them that it's amazing that other companies have managed to sort it, including them when the wages were outsourced to a company that could do payroll properly!!! The stupid thing is that I do self assessment due to mystery shopping but the most I've ever earned in a year is about £120 (I kid you not!). Now, do I get an accountant for this year's self assessment when it comes in to see if I can recoup anything, do I stop doing any MS and stop being classed as self employed and what do I do about the student loan? I can pay it each month myself but they once told me it'll still have implications with my tax each year. I only owe about £1300 but it's been an ongoing saga!

Any advice would be appreciated and I'm asking all of you cos some forums I've been on in the past were quite scarey!!!

Thanks xx