little_h's big dreams :)

little_h_2

Hi mineallmine, it's at the Lifehouse in Thorpe-le-Soken - there is an offer for Valentines Day under Love Lifehouse - any night in February. I'm over the moon!

Well. I went to the pub and am SO glad I did, everyone was lovely and I don't think there was a single beard :rotfl: a wide range of bikes owned and ages so it was great. Not sure I will make it out with them on Sundays for a little while but will see how I feel. I haven't ridden for a while and it takes me a bit of time to feel confident after starting again.

Dirtyepic, great to see you over here. I know what you mean about not posting on other diaries very often but I have a few I subscribe to now so try to post a bit more often than I used to

I know what you all mean about the 'old' you. I feel a bit like that too, but what I miss about the old me is the carefree side, the side that could have fun and switch off from the responsibility when required. I also miss having the confidence I did, this was absolutely battered afte r splitting up with my ex hubby and also doing a very stressful job at the same time in a team of very demanding people. It took me a long time to get over both, and in the mean time I now have more responsibility because of the massive mortgage. Yes, there was a side that got myself into debt but this marvellous site has helped me address what was going on there and got me back on the right track!

The old me was also almost a stone lighter (which I am working on, although only half a stone as I was a bit bony in places before) and rode her motorbike 80 miles a day in all weathers (this is more easily fixed!)

The word 'balance' comes in again, I need to find it as 3 members of my immediate family have found that life is too short and needs to be enjoyed as well as saved for.

I have 2 work from home days coming up. So am enjoying a glass of wine and hopefully a small lie in tomorrow. PLus I have the dog staying. He has been here less than 4 hours and already he has dribbled all over the kitchen floor :rotfl:

Tonight was rather manic as I had to collect the dog from my ex, then feed him, then did a shred while the oven warmed up, then put tea in to warm through while i walked the dog, then i popped to the pub. But I am glad I have done it. I feel like my drive is coming back, only a few weeks ago it all would have felt a bit too much effort so I would have just had the wine and done nothing else

Counselling session was very good last night. We talked about all sorts as normal, but a lot came tumbling out about the wedding and all the immediate aftermath of the truth coming out. So while my weekend was lovely, there is a lot more that I needed to be 'reminded' about so this came at the right time.

Dirtyepic, my counsellor is the same about me being kind to myself! easier said than done for all sorts of reasons, but that is what my year is hopefully going to be about! can't wait to find out what lies ahead

little_h_2

I feel exhausted today and a bit down as despite shredding almost every day since 27th Dec, I don't feel I am losing any weight. I am definitely firming up which is good, but I am sick of only being able to fit in the fat jeans. I do feel very bloated, so am wondering if it's water retention etc. The pill I am on means I don't have a time of the month, but I've never noted down when I feel bloated so have never noticed if there is a pattern associated.

I am eating sensibly and have cut right back on the alcohol, so am hoping for a breakthrough at some point!

Today I have been thinking about rewards, i.e. what we do for ourselves as treats etc. So, I have had a really busy day today and lately have been pushing myself very hard to get lots of things done and feel the need to pat myself on the back in some way. Normally a little pick-me-up would involve food, alcohol or buying something even if it is small. But I am drawing a bit of a blank!

Although really, when I think about it, I have bought nice things last weekend shopping with mum and have booked a nice weekend for a few weeks time. Maybe the need for treats/rewards is stronger than it should be? might explain why I spent so much moeny in the past!

Tomorrow is another busy one with Brownies in teh evening, and then Friday I have a harp lesson after work. So I am desperately looking forward to Saturday morning when I can have a lie in

I'm off for a shred then an early night. Slept in late again this morning and really need to not do that tomorrow.

Night all x

mineallmine

I like working with rewards. I had a horrible task (wasnt that long) to do at work which I kept struggling to finish. So I finished it and booked a facial. A real treat but I was determined to create a strong link/reward. So now I feel sleepy and skin looks fab.

But other "free" treats or MSE type ones could be:
- a real long phone call or skype with a friend
- an extra long walk - or unusual place to walk the dog
- a wardrobe sort out - fun "playing" a grown up!
- trying out some new make up or looks
- buying a cheapie wash in wash out or semi permanent hair colour (always patch test )

Right I need to get off of here, night all :A

little_h_2

thanks mineallmine for the suggestions. I colour my hair anyway but thanks for the reminder to do it again as it does need a refresh!

so. a real bleurghhh day today. i have decided to call it a blancmange day because every little thing is making me wobble! physically, emotionally, the thought of anything financial! I think there will be tears before bedtime but I find they are always better out than in

I was hoping a good night's sleep last night would see me right for today but I feel really out of it still, so will have to push myself hard to get through work. Fortunately things aren't tooo pressured at the moment so I can pick and choose a bit and hopefully find some nice bits that I have been leaving for a while due to other things taking priority.

my debts are weighing heavy today there are good days and bad days, and i have had lots of good days recently so have to accept the bad days and get on with them.

off for a mug of nice tea and some breakfast. might have toast and marmalade rather than muesli just for something different. i know how to live! :rotfl:

Souk08

Hi lady, just popping on to say I hope your day is ok. We all do have good and bad days and a lot has gone on for you this year so it's only natural. All you can do is enjoy the good and try not to panic about the bad.

Re the whole treats thing I was talking about this only yesterday. Since I've been on the diet I haven't been able to treat myslef with wine/food after a bad day and one day i was really stressed and thought what will I do? That was the day I got my mags and Lovefilm DVD's through to chill with so that was fab but another idea I have had is to keep a wee stash of a few cheap candles, bath stuff etc so you can always hop in the bath. I usually take wine but now it's a herbal tea!!!

You are right though that it could well be that this 'I deserve it' mentality could well be what got us into a mess in the first place so i think the answer is to keep a wee space in the budget for pampering stuff. I am an avid Glamour mag reader and their Beauty Lady lost LOADS of weight last year. She used beauty products as her treat as the weight came off and this helped her skin stay supple too!

Take care lady X

little_h_2

Thanks Souk - I'm a Glamour reader too and read about their Beauty lady. she is a lovely looking girl and has done so well - but has also had lots of the best help. You are right on the bath and beauty products. I love a good soak but it is normally accompanied by wine. Although lately i have substituted a very nice lemongrass and ginger cordial with sparkling water, and that feels a bit special which helps too.

that's also reminded me of another resolution - to moisturise properly on the rest of me, not just my face. I only ever use body lotion if i am going out somewhere nice or occasionally at the weekend if i remember. I must get into the habit of doing it as I love the feeling of nice skin and hate the snowstorm that is black 70denier tights! *yuk!*

smacking a girl while she's down has duly arrived in the post. my car tax is due at the end of the month my own fault for not being better organised. i do save the money each month but the end of last year was very expensive and I had to use the car/bills money to pay a huge bill for the dog and also to get my car fixed just before christmas. so the pot is empty. let alone the heating oil situation.

i haven't cried. yet! but may not be able to resist the wine later although i know i will feel lousy in the morning. will see how it goes. I'm going to take a brief stagger with the hound to blow away some cobwebs (literally as it is a very windy whirly day today) and then pop across the road to the garage to book my car in for its service. Fortunately I do have the money for this.

I had best knuckle down and get this SOA sorted at the weekend, plus work out which card to borrow a bit more money on. I hate this. All my own doing but I am trying hard to sort it out. I am thinking about changing the loan/card split of my debt. My harp is an instrument which will last many years, so I would feel comfortable having a longer term loan for this although it will mean more interest in the short term. Adding one of the cards to the loan would mean I had a bit less to chase around every few months. Some serious adding up/number crunching is required.

I am trying to pluck up the courage to put a little card/poster up at work advertising my harp services. My office is quite big and lots of girls of marriageable age work there so if I get my finger out I might get some bookings. It's silly huh, being embarrassed to say "I play the harp" at work. There are plenty of other things up in the canteen for other people's sidelines/partners' businesses so really I have no need to be shy.

I need to make myself a big juicy list of all the things I want to do otherwise they will get forgotten.

little_h_2

survived the day - well so far at least.

Brownies was great, I can always rely on them to lift my spirits!

Estate agent rang this afternoon, my house is in one of the local magazines this weekend so fingers crossed. She was nice and positive but we will have to wait and see.

I did the sums again today and had a good think, and if I want my life to really change and enjoy myself again, I need to move. I will have to choose carefully as one of my biggest worries is needing to move again quickly afterwards. The longest I have ever lived in one house is 7 years, from the age of 12 to 19. I have been in this house 5 years (although I lived away for a year when we separated before I bought ex hubs out). My house is going to need a lot doing to it over the years and without a second income, this is too much pressure.

I have caved in and poured myself a GnT. I'm not feeling guilty about it, I am parked with Corrie for half an hour and enjoying my drink, and will then do some practice and clean the kitchen just in case of a mystery viewer tomorrow (mmm yeah right!). I have almost completely lost my appetite for wine which is no bad thing. And i haven't got much gin left so will try T no Gs instead which I actually quite like

tried to drink more water this afternoon and I feel a bit less bloated. So will try to keep this up over the next couple of days. I think I will try some running this weekend to try and get the weightloss going a bit more.

mineallmine

HI there

No need to be embarrassed about playing the Harp - I would imagine 99.9% of people would say oh my god, that's wonderful. So go for it. What's the worst that could happen? Mmm, I cannot think of anything. And think how lucky you are to have this talent to make some pennies.

Now the house - I think it's time to prepare to move. Time to set the house up as a show home for viewing purposes. Time to say - this is not my house, it will be someone else's soon and I'm moving somewhere lovely. So get her looking spick and span (no need to do the shred if you're doing this exercise). Most of all - prepare to move and then you're sending out the right vibes.

I used to help with brownies and really enjoyed it. Only gave up cos life because too busy and the parents took advantage of us - always very late picking up, messing around with money (and we kept the prices lower than we should have). But overall really happy times. I have somewhere in my house of clutter a picture of me at camp smiling with some of the girls. Really lifts your spirits that kind of work.

little_h_2

Thanks - the house is pretty much as good as it can be, needs a quick tidy round but is 99% there really. I got a copy of Essex Life today from my estate agents and am pleased with the picture so that's something

I have been really thinking hard and visualising myself in the house I have seen that I really like - picked out colour schemes and everything So am hoping that the positive thinking will come off. Reminds me, I still haven't done my tarot reading that I have promised myself. Needs a couple of hours as I'm not very quick!

my current sofas will fit as will most of my bedroom furniture, there will be lots to give away but I shouldn't have to buy anything new other than a new bed as my mattress is shot and the bed frame belongs to my ex hubby really. So have promised myself a fab new bed when I can afford it, and ideally this would be for when I have moved.

looking on rightmove today, another house which I had liked the look of before and which had sold, has come back on the market. I see so many that have been sold and then come back on which worries me a little, but I will deal with this if/when I need to.

So. Tonight I am beyond pooped, just got home from a music lesson but was too tired to really get much from it and my poor teacher was very supportive. I have been v sensible on the food today but haven't had any tea. Still, that is all good for the weight loss

I will aim for a lie in tomorrow and then get on with some hoovering, tidying up and DO THE BLIMMIN EDGING in the spare room!

have a good weekend x

ps - our Brownie pack is lovely and they have very nice parents thank goodness!

little_h_2

so. a brief lie-in, but woke up about 7.30 and was feeling energised so decided to go for a run while it was still a bit dark and quiet, before I had time to change my mind!

I went down to the farm, armed with thoughts of c25k and my phone as a stopwatch. I managed a minute each of running and walking and then swapped to a minute of running and a minute and a half of walking towards the end. It was very hard, but it got easier towards the end. I think I started off a little too quickly, but felt a bit silly at the end as it was more of a lively shuffle than a run! Never mind, I'm sure the farmers and van drivers I saw had a good giggle! Probably as they tucked into a large Ginsters :rotfl:

I have a viewing on the house tomorrow, I asked the estate agents to do it as I am in a state now in case I say the wrong thing showing people round, I really want the house sold so hopefully they can do a better job than I can. That way I also don't have to deal with the emotional angst if they are not liking the house etc.

So I have done some sprucing this morning, after enjoying the Corrie repeat this morning and a super quick burst of harp as I only realised Corrie was on about 15 mins before it started. I will do more later. plus I am super pleased as I finally tackled a stain on the carpet in the spare room and it has come out a treat! It has been there the best part of 2 years! :rotfl:

So for now, my plan is to do a quick bit of edging in the spare room before curling up with Steel Magnolias this afternoon. I have never seen it but have wanted to for ages. I think it's meant to be a bit of a weepy but that might help too. I am trying to resist the pizza in the freezer for tea, will hopefully be good and just cook my favourite pasta dish instead. It's not exactly diet food but its much better than a pizza! So could save pizza for when my weight is back under control again.

ex fiance lost his job yesterday. I feel very sad for him. I am trying to stay clear as I suspect he will ask to come back again. I feel very selfish but am struggling to cope with my own stuff at the moment, and can't deal with his. He will have to cope on his own this time, rather than leaning on me and guilting me when I don't give him what he wants. I hope he's OK though, I can't begin to understand what he is feeling.