Hypno's "me, me, me, me, me," diary.....

Ches

(((hugs))) from another lurker. My hubby left all the financial side of things to me and was useless at it anyway so it was best that way. However, after we split he showed that he could deal with budgets as well as the next person and has since admitted to our DD that he pretended to be bad with money so he could leave it to me. Although splitting up is sad and I don't want to make light of the emotional upheaval that has to be lived through it was a kind of relief not having another 'child' leaning on me. I hope you find peace and contentment soon.

ZTD

hypno06 wrote: »

OH announced to me about 10 days ago that he is leaving me. A bit of a shock to me, to say the least, but something that he has obviously been planning on doing, or at least wanting to do, for some time now.......

That is really, really sad. :grouphug:

hypno06 wrote: »

That means my budget is now tighter than it has been for a very long time as I assume full responsibility for the roof over the heads of myself and our children. OH will pay maintenance, obviously, for the children, but he earns a minimum amount, so the payment to me will not be great. There is nothing that can be done about that other than just getting on with it.

It is the best resolution. It might seem unfair to bear all the burden yourself, but it's even less fair to have the other person holding half suddenly buckle. As seems likely on a balance of probabilities.

hypno06 wrote: »

However, in order to ensure that my budget is not unworkably tight, I am going to go against all the things I have worked for over the last few years, and I am consolidating my barclayloan onto the mortgage. I have had to consolidate the mortgage and the secured loan into one anyway, as they are to be transferred into a sole account, and by adding in the other loan, it frees up £250 from my budget, which is a huge amount at this stage and will make the difference between sinking or swimming.

Consolidation loans, in and of themselves, are not a bad thing. They are only bad when the behaviour that led to that loan has not changed - so the seed of Consolidation Load II are sown in the ground of Consolidation Loan I.

I'm sure you have changed.

hypno06 wrote: »

That will mean I just have a mortgage and the 0% card.......but the overall figure will remain more or less the same, although the money I have previously put aside to offset against my loan to pay it off early, will now be used to pay legal fees and pay for items of furniture that I need to replace, so my debt will actually increase slightly as the offset savings are not there.

Don't replace too much furniture too early. Men are fickle creatures.

hypno06 wrote: »

In addition.......my attitude to the debt (or the mortgage as it will be) will shift slightly.......There is no way possible that I can now be debt free by the summer, or debt free by 40......I can do little about that.

Be pragmatic. Facts are immutable. Alas.

hypno06 wrote: »

I also have no savings now, using them (as above) to cover the cost of this situation I find myself in.....

:grouphug:

hypno06 wrote: »

So I have to stop throwing money at the mortgage, and instead ensure that I am able to make the books balance for everyday living, make sure that I can save for some sort of "life" with the children - skiing, trips, a bit of nice stuff, and to get some form of emergency savings behind me for the future.

Then, and only then, will I restart the overpayments to the mortgage.

So, I hope you will understand why I have been quiet over the last couple of weeks. It seemed futile posting about a 10p scratch win, when I really wanted to scream at the top of my voice about my frustrations of having to take on £195k of debt on my own.

The children have now been told. It wasn't fun, but then it wasn't supposed to be. We will get through this. It won't always be easy, but we will survive.

Life goes on, albeit in a different format to the one I always expected

:grouphug:

hypno06 wrote: »

mid life crisis **insert shrugged shoulders smiley AND roll eyes smiley here**

For my mid-life crisis I'm going to buy a stupid car. OK - it's a stupid car on a budget (my shortlist of models includes a 50+ MPG diesel) - but that's all. I would never leave anyone for a mid-life crisis...

hypno06 wrote: »

All practical stuff has been dealt with - it is one of the things I am good at.....my budget is as "clean" as it can be, utilities transferred into my name, council tax reduction arranged, joint bank accounts now sole bank accounts and so on and so forth.

I may be crap at the emotional side of things, and mentally am a bit of a wreck.....but if there is a discount to be had, I am on the ball

I'll come back to this...

hypno06 wrote: »

I didn't really see it coming, although I knew *something* wasn't right. I didn't expect that sort of a bombshell though.

On the "plus" side (oh, so easy to jest in times of woe), I have lost my appetite, so lost 9lbs in as many days.......and the decluttering is going great guns, as he takes all his stuff and some of the furniture too **sarcastic smiley definitely appropriate here**

And this...

hypno06 wrote: »

The children reacted as expected - tears and tantrums, but they are good kids, and are very mature in many ways, so we could both talk to them properly, and they have been fab.

We've just driven over to OH new flat, to show the children that there is a bedroom there for them to prove that they are very much wanted by both of us, just in different places - they seem comfortable with that, and have both "booked themselves in" for overnighters with him already, so I think it will be ok.

I'm under no illusions - they are teenagers, and so unpredictable by their very nature, so I have to be ready for resentment, fury, tears at bedtime, and whatever else could come my way, but it could certainly be a whole lot worse.

But what about you? Who will be there for your resentment, fury and tears at bedtime?

You have friends. Don't shut them out and try to bury this. You have come so far along such a hard path - don't let negative feelings which dare not speak their name keep you from the support you deserve.

hypno06 wrote: »

As for keeping it together for the last two weeks - it has been bloody hard, and a very very long couple of weeks - it is quite a relief that we can now actually start getting on with things!

:grouphug:

hypno06 wrote: »

The money fairy has allowed him to walk away free of all debt.....thereby starting with a clean sheet and the words "if you EVER get yourself into debt........."

"...there's a space in the patio wating for you..."

Do try to not let this poison your friendship with him. It will be hard I know.

EllieMarie

Hello Hypno,

hope you don't mind me posting here but I do read your diary every day and just wanted to say I am so sorry to hear your news. Its never nice to go through something like this and I do hope you have friends and family around you who you can talk things through with and who can offer their support. You're doing a brilliant job with the children. Take care x

SaffiesMum

Just popping up out of Lurkdom, to add my sympathy, Hypno. Had a thought, don't know if it would help, but when I had a bereavement and didnt want to "THINK" at night I found listening to the radio worked well. It had to be a talking program - I chose 'Radio 5 live' - and left it on all night with the volume low so that I fell asleep and if I woke up again just started listening again until I went back to sleep. Anyway I will be thinking of you amongst all the other lurkers and hope you dont suffer too much xx

Auntyem

Another lurker who reads everyday, just wanting to send good wishes to you at such a difficult time . It was really concerning to see you so obviously not yourself. Now you have been able to break the news to your children I hope you can find support from your friends & loved ones. Best wishes hypno x

stressed.mum

I'm sorry to hear your news Hypno, I don't post often but just wanted to say stay strong, and look after yourself. You are an amazing person, always putting others before yourself, so try to remember yourself at this time. Maybe when the children are on their 'sleep over' at Dad's house you could have some down time - home pampering, meet up with friends - now's the time to go to BenBens with Pania!

Stressed xxx

spud30

SaffiesMum wrote: »

Just popping up out of Lurkdom, to add my sympathy, Hypno. Had a thought, don't know if it would help, but when I had a bereavement and didnt want to "THINK" at night I found listening to the radio worked well. It had to be a talking program - I chose 'Radio 5 live' - and left it on all night with the volume low so that I fell asleep and if I woke up again just started listening again until I went back to sleep. Anyway I will be thinking of you amongst all the other lurkers and hope you dont suffer too much xx

I use audio books on CD at night, because I have asthma and dont like hearing myself wheeze :cool:

benbenandme

Woah, another one who really wasn't expecting this Nothing more I can add that your friends on here haven't already said, but as someone who has been left to cope with the mortgage / children etc on their own I can categorically say it makes you even more determined to be good with money and even more focused on what you want to achieve, so once the dust settles and the pain lessens then God help anyone who gets in your way on your financial mission

Sending you big hugs hun, as others have said please feel free to pm me / chat on f/b, rant away or whatever you need to do. Hoping you, the kids and oh can find peace xx

benbenandme

I'm sorry to hear your news Hypno, I don't post often but just wanted to say stay strong, and look after yourself. You are an amazing person, always putting others before yourself, so try to remember yourself at this time. Maybe when the children are on their 'sleep over' at Dad's house you could have some down time - home pampering, meet up with friends - now's the time to go to BenBens with Pania!

Stressed xxx

Absolutely!! Looking forward to an mse singles weekend :beer:

hypno06

Nothing like a break up to bring the lurkers out :rotfl:I am amazed that so many people actually read my diary :o:o It is lovely to "see" you all, though, and I am very grateful for all the support. Thank you very much xx

And Z, excellent post, as always, thank you very much too x