I've been such an idiot - someone slap me!

whitelillies

Hi i didnt want to read and run. Ive just split fron my partner 6weeks ago (not through him having an affair, but something more of emotional hurt). I gave him a second chance and we got back together two years ago and now hes done the same thing again. Like people have said even if you could go out would you really enjoy yourself? Its really a hard thing to deal with let alone trying to handle it at this time of year. Im trying to forget that its New Years Eve and im going to treat myself to a pampering night in (i think if i go out im going to be to emotional and thatll ruin the whole night and i probably wont forget it). So im treating myself instead because like you im worth it. It may not be the best new years eve but im thinking of myself for a change and its only one night out of 365days.

BallandChain

Lotus-eater wrote: »

Some men just like to flirt, it's unclear from the OP whether she thinks he has actually done anything physical with the women, but to me, taking women home from a nightclub isn't flirting.......... but could be done with good intentions in mind, helping a woman etc.
Just for one second remember that men are supposed to act like gentlemen all the time and escort a single woman home.

I like to flirt, but my OH doesn't really mind and it's her I will always go home with, or go home to. we have total trust.

It sounds like this relationship doesn't, it also sounds like a bit of a mismatch tbh, he likes to flirt, she hates it. I find it difficult to see it working. It also sounds like he's lying and that's probably the worst thing.

Yeah, right....:rotfl:

CAFCGirl

JustKeepSwimming wrote: »

Without wanting sound even more pathetic - I don't know anyone who is having a party! One of the many joys of being married to someone in the forces is that you get moved every 2 years, so by the time you've made friends either you are moving or they are! My closest real friends are in Australia (left last year), USA (2 year psting) & Liverpool (6 hours drive).

I've been in this town now for 9 years (ex-husband lived away for 2 of his postings & now I know why!) but I've only made 2 good friends in all that time, both of whom are abroard with families until Jan 3rd. The other "friends" have all fallen into the "we've invited your ex-husband & his girlfriend so we didn't invite you in case you felt awkward" camp. No real loss, I know, & if I happen to bump into them they are civil, but I'm never included anymore, even to things that my ex isn't invited to.

I've always struggled to make friends as I'm shy & don't have much confidence in social situations - Im 40 now (boy, wasn't 2009 a great year :rolleyes:) so I doubt I'll change much now! Normally I'd agree with the advice of going out & trying to have a laugh, but I don't feel up to paying a fortune to go into our local club (this is MSE after all) & going on my own. My charming partner will also be out on the (small) town & I think seeing him will just finish me off!

Unless anyone has any bright ideas I shall stay in with season 5 of Desperate Houswives, some decent wine & food that I can nuke!

Thanks all :beer:

To be honest hun, you'll change as much or as little as you want to.

There are ways and means of doing pretty much most things in life. With 2 kids, theres a great outlet for getting to know others just at the school gates, or google some childrens centre events.....
Get to know people at work better, and if you dont work, then maybe look at getting a part tim job, or volunteer.

Just basically do something thats for you for once. You've spent your last two significant relationships always being the "at home" option.....but you dont need to be that anymore, you've already prooven from your humility and humour re the situation that you've got something worth knowing within and people will respond to what you put out there...

Act like you want to know others, and they will respond
Act like you think you deserve more than the slimey one (who im sorry to say it has fed you some right lines!) and you will get more than him.

You're 40, you're not dead.
Life is for living, but only if you choose to live it....

P.S You can stay in and chat to me online with a glass of something bubbly for NYE if you like, I've lost my husband to the xbox (no great shame really as im now discovering!) :rotfl:

The_worst_guy_around

I just wanted to say that I think your guy is a very very lucky person for you to give him a second chance...... I would love a second chance you see i've been unfaithful to my partner of 10 years, twice with the same person. Understandably she has booted me out and told our children that i'm working away at the moment. I would dearly love a second chance to try and make things right but I am fully aware that I don't deserve it and probably won't get it.

Your guy does not know how lucky he is/was to get a second chance and then a third when you told him to let you know when he had time for you......

The Worst Guy around..................

Eager_Elephant

Hi there,

Presumably you are now feeling guilty and realising that the affair was not worth it, have you thought about why you did it? Do you have issues which need addressing?

I am not saying what you did was acceptable but it takes courage to come on a forum and admit wht you have done.

Do you still love your partner and want to be in a relationship or is the other person the one you want to be with?

Not sure what advice to give but it would take a lot for any woman to forgive an affair especially if it has happened before.

Whatever happens you will learn from it and act more appropriately in the future.

EE

The_worst_guy_around

Hi there

Oh yes im feeling guilty alright and I defiantly realise what I have done is unforgivable and wrong.

I love my partner with all my heart and I really do want to make things right, its only been 4 days now and she is adamant that there is no going back, not now not ever. I have lost everything I ever held dear to me and im at a complete loss.

Again I know its only been 4 days but for me I never want anybody again if its not her, she was my life and one thing I have realised is how much I meant to her, i really had no idea how upset she would be.....

Thanks for replying

January20

The_worst_guy_around wrote: »

Hi there

Oh yes im feeling guilty alright and I defiantly realise what I have done is unforgivable and wrong.

I love my partner with all my heart and I really do want to make things right, its only been 4 days now and she is adamant that there is no going back, not now not ever. I have lost everything I ever held dear to me and im at a complete loss.

Again I know its only been 4 days but for me I never want anybody again if its not her, she was my life and one thing I have realised is how much I meant to her, i really had no idea how upset she would be.....

Thanks for replying

Genuine question to the bit I highlighted: You must have know what you stood to lose so why did you do it?

shellsuit

The_worst_guy_around wrote: »

Hi there

Oh yes im feeling guilty alright and I defiantly realise what I have done is unforgivable and wrong.

I love my partner with all my heart and I really do want to make things right, its only been 4 days now and she is adamant that there is no going back, not now not ever. I have lost everything I ever held dear to me and im at a complete loss.

Again I know its only been 4 days but for me I never want anybody again if its not her, she was my life and one thing I have realised is how much I meant to her, i really had no idea how upset she would be.....

Thanks for replying

No, you don't.

If that's what you do to someone who you love with all your heart, what do you do to your enemies?

I'm glad your (ex) partner had the sense to tell you where to go and I hope she meets someone who will truly love her with all their heart.

tirlittan

Hi JustKeepSwimming.

Hope you had a nice NYE, as someone else said, it's just one evening in a year.

Best wishes your way.

The_worst_guy_around

January20 wrote: »

Genuine question to the bit I highlighted: You must have know what you stood to lose so why did you do it?

Good question and if I knew the answer then maybe I could try and rebuild what I lost.... I think it was just easy to be honest she threw herself at me and I didn't resist as I know I should have done...... As the lady that started this thread said somebody slap me.

Anyway I only came on here to say how lucky that other guy was