I've been such an idiot - someone slap me!

JustKeepSwimming_2

Hi All

I feel the need to rant & also to remind myself not to be so trusting again :mad: and yes, it does involve yet another f e c k less partner (men may want to look away now).

I've had a miserable couple of weeks after finding out that my partner of 3 years has been indulging in flirty texts with a few women over several months. Long story short - I overheard a comment by chance that he was seeing someone else but decided it must be wrong as he'd never given me any reason not to trust him, & we have a great relationship :rolleyes: A few days later I moved a pile of papers & his mobile drops to the tile floor- when I pick it up the screen shows the same girls name I overheard - it's his inbox & there are lots of texts from her. Dilemma - do I read them?

Damn right I do. And I'm glad as I now know what he's been up to. I've had many chances to snoop before & I never have as I thought I had nothing to worry about. How wrong was I! It turns out he's been flirting with this (married) girl for months (he's a sports coach) along wth another few girls. He's also denied having a girlfriend too. Hes also admitted to taking 2 girls home from nightclubs (he did bar work when we first met).

He swears blind that he hasn'tactually done anything (apart from the lying & betraying my trust :rolleyes:) with all these girls. Apparantly it's like an addiction - he likes to know that he could if he wanted to. But he'd never be unfaithful to me - don't I know that? Oddly enough, I'm struggling with that point! He's very angry & embarassed that he'sbeen caught out - it goes without saying that he's also sorry for upsetting me. He went without saying it until I pointed it out.

He'd even stopped doing so much texting in the last month as he "thought something was up with me & didn't want to hurt my fellings". Bless.

I've asked to see the texts as if they are as innocent as he says, then there shouln't be a problem. The sim card appears to be broken so I can't.

A miserable Xmas - he came round to see my children (8 & 5 who adore him) & ended up staying the night, & against my better judgement I said I'd give him another chance.

He should have come to my house earlier tonight - after 2 hours I rang him on the non -working mobile tonight (witholding my number) & he said he was just leaving as he'd been busy. Mobile seems fine to me! I'm disgusted with myself but I lost it - told him he had big balls to hack me off so early into his second chance. I told him to ring me when he felt he could devote some time to me - but I'm not holding my breath.

3 glasses of red later I'm going from anger (how dare he treat me like this) to dispair. I feel he's made it clear that he isn't really that bothered, & I've just boosted his ego again by showing him how much I care.

Slap me someone!

idiotgirl

at least u now know what a plonker he is. Ditch the idiot and make him realise what it is he's messed up. You've given him more than a fair chance. Now's the time to look out for u and the kids

larmy16

It's a new year soon and time to slough off the old dead skin and your cheating scheming man, by the sounds of it. It will be hard, but better quick amputation than a malingering festering sore!

You deserve better than this, but after 3 years, I can understand how let down and disappointed you feel.....it must be so painful for you. take care. X

my_definition

life would be much easier without some of these guys. 2 chances are more than enough. It might be an idea to go with the new year new start idea

Kirri

I like the new year new start idea as mentioned above - best thing to do with this man is go quiet on him and ignore him now, he obviously needs his fragile ego boosting by chatting to these girls, he needs to grow up. He'll maybe realise what he's lost and come crawling back (they usually do...) but I think men like that never change..

2010 beckons!

salesaddict

I'm so sorry for whats happened to you. But from what I have observed of these egotisitcal type of men, they just can't help themselves. I hope it goes without saying that there is nothing wrong with you. Men like that just seem to need a "new challenge" every few months. Something to relieve the boredom of a stable loving relationship. I wish you all the strength you need to get rid of him and move onto someone more deserving.

MarsdenCuckoo

SLAP, SLAP, SLAP, SLAP! (Enough? :rotfl:)

Take a deep breath, relish in your children's joy at this time of year and treat yourself like someone to be treasured. Don't let this plonker get you down. Chances are if (and I don't underestimate how difficult that may be) you can pick yourself up, ignore him (consider him a naughty child and deprive him of your company) and get on with your life then he'll realise how stupid he's been. Whether you then choose to let him back into your life or not is up to you. Don't be a doormat; be strong; if he's worth sharing your life with you and your family then he has to earn that privilege because that's exactly what it is.

Hope that helps a little.

Happy New Year - hope 2010 is a good one for you and your family (whether that's 3 or 4 of you)

paddy's_mum

I'd far rather slap HIM! :mad: Tiger Woods Syndrome strikes again!

Humans moved out of their caves thousands and thousands of years ago and still the male of the species thinks and behaves in prehistoric ways.

I'm sorry that this has hit you at such a family oriented time of the year. It makes it doubly difficult to deal with and you can't even fill your whirring mind by going to work.

I like your writing style - sarcasm needs a huge amount of clear sighted observation - and can only say that I hope he gets everything he so deserves.

Hope the New Year is more peaceful for you and your children.

mrcow

I know it's not much comfort to you now, but at least you've now realised that he's not actually that bothered about you and are admitting it.

Better than living a life of denial whilst he treats you like a doormat.

Second chance has been and gone. There aren't any more chances after that.

Lotus-eater

Some men just like to flirt, it's unclear from the OP whether she thinks he has actually done anything physical with the women, but to me, taking women home from a nightclub isn't flirting.......... but could be done with good intentions in mind, helping a woman etc.
Just for one second remember that men are supposed to act like gentlemen all the time and escort a single woman home.

I like to flirt, but my OH doesn't really mind and it's her I will always go home with, or go home to. we have total trust.

It sounds like this relationship doesn't, it also sounds like a bit of a mismatch tbh, he likes to flirt, she hates it. I find it difficult to see it working. It also sounds like he's lying and that's probably the worst thing.

Running_Horse

Men can only keep treating you like dirt if you let them. We are simple enough creatures to control when you learn how, and usually end up with women who demand and expect respect.