Another idiot another new username

bundly

You definitely need to speak to someone in person. You can phone the Samaritans any time and you don't have to be suicidal. They will talk with you. The only problem is, each time you phone you will speak to someone different. That is OK for a bit, but its better to get an ongoing counsellor so you don't have to keep repeating yourself. Your GP can get you one, or you can go private if money is not a problem.

Either way, DO THIS -- it will help you so much!

Many of us have felt like you. In time, you will feel differently.

viktory

idiotgirl wrote: »

I realise I'm in love with one of the guys I've pushed away, but he's happy in a relationship, and has been for a while

This must be really hard for you, but you must leave him alone. He is in a relationship and therefore out of bounds - and that includes flirtatious texts. Just read some of the other threads on here from people whose husbands/wives etc have cheated.

londoner1998

Hey sweetie

please do not despair, we are here for you. I have gone through much of what you describe )self-harming, self-loathing, being in love with people who didn't are enough, pushing people away...)
Has anything really bad happened in your life that might be the cause of all these feelings? I know you can get through this, but you need help. Counselling can really help, and it will be very useful to start turning you thinking process around. PM me if you want, I really don;t like peopel feeling in this way.

I had a bit of a starter today yourself and I am now at home by myself (after argument with OH, screaming match with his 11 year old, all provoked by his ex at the doorstep at 7 am ... and still , I will always be the mad one...). I could have gone through a hoel of self-[ity, but I have come to accept that these things are prone to happen during the Christmas season and it is not the end of the world.

You can stop pushing people away, but you need to be comfortable with yourself first. Turn the focus on yourself, forget about guys and other people for now, hard as it is- you come first. Go easy on yourself and again, do PM me if you need to talk.
XXXXX

onetomany

sending u big hug op x hope you feel better soon ,

ukjoel

You need to love yourself before others will ever love you.

From what you have said.

Gentleman number one said he didnt want to see you as it involved travel.

Gentleman number two is happily attached but sends you occasional cheeky txt

Gentleman number three is ignoring your multiple txts after sleeping with you.

I would suggest all three Gentlemen are unworthy of your romantic persuits and you are best off spending some time working out what you want from your life and in the meantime ordering a rabbit and some batteries.

Bearing in mind every second thread on this board seems to start with the line 'why are all men bas***ds' this will be the best option in the long run.

idiotgirl

Wow, thats alot of replies. Thank you everyone. Its really helped reading your replies.

I imagine that you're often sat at home alone, thinking about what you don't have and you don't like

I go out alot, have a good friendship circle and take part in lots of activities. I smile when I supposed to smile, laugh when everyone expects me to laugh, but it never lasts. A few times, I've gone a bit off the wall on nights out, and friends rush round helping, but the next day when I really need help to sort myself out they've forgotten and think everythings ok.
The more I go out the more I realise that I'm nothing. I'm not funny, pretty ,clever, just fat, ugly and annoying. All of my friends are so fantastic, I just don't seem to be anything.

This must be really hard for you, but you must leave him alone

I am, I could never do that to someone else. I only just found out about his girlfriend, and its been going on for a year and a half. I really trusted him, we've been friends for years, I thought I knew him.

Has anything really bad happened in your life that might be the cause of all these feelings?

Not really. Wish it had at least I'd know why I felt like this then.

you are best off spending some time working out what you want from your life and in the meantime ordering a rabbit and some batteries.

I've spent most of my life single trying to sort myself out, and everytime I have I get knocked back down again. Everytime a bit lower, till I've turned out like this. I don't wanna be bitter against everyone, but I feel like I've been hurt so much I can't take it ever again, but if I'm gonna be miserable and alone then there's no point surely? If it wasn't for my rabbit I'd probably have given up a long time ago.

But I have to try, so I'm gonna listen, bit stupid to post if I'm not gonna give everyones advice a try. I'll book myself in at the docs, I'm scaring myself too much not to.

Thank you so much everyone.

Mips

Don't be so down on yourself... the fact you actually have friends suggest you have qualities that people love about you :A

FluffyFiFi

I really feel for you, it's a horrible time of year to start having feelings of self hatred. Please, see your Doctor, you need someone that you can talk to who is not part of your social circle. It could be you are depressed, I suffered without realising for ages but once I was diagnosed I felt like a huge weight was taken from me and it took about two months of medication before I started to feel myself again.

Wishing you all the best x

idiotgirl

I really don't want medication though, so I'm not sure there's much they can do.

Mips

idiotgirl wrote: »

I really don't want medication though, so I'm not sure there's much they can do.

They can offer you counselling.. but seriously.. I would have an honest chat with one of your friends.. I am sure they chat to you about things which upset them