Falling for friend at work(i'm married)

Silverbird

I have put myself in your shoes and tried to imagine this happening to me so I can give straight advice.

Distance yourself as much as possible from this stylist.

You have a husband and a baby on the way and despite this man being very helpful and kind to you, you don't need him in your lives. He is also a big, big danger to your marriage and clearly doesn't care about marriage or what the vows you took mean, which should tell you a lot already.

Avoid him and concentrate on your husband and yourself. You need to spend more time together and enjoy one anothers' company.

nixinixi

I would agree with most other views. You are 16 weeks pregnant and so are probably feeling fat rather than pregnant, I know with mine I felt really unattractive. (Nothing meant personally I should add!) But when you aren't feeling great about yourself any form of attention can give you a real boost and confidence lift and you can easily, especially with pregnancy hormones, confuse those for something more.

Honestly look carefully at your relationship with your OH, you are carrying his child....only 16 weeks ago you made this baby together and things were fine then, so put everything into perspective and sort it out.

If you really aren't happy with your OH that doesn't mean this stylist is right either.....in a few weeks you will have a screaming baby, be exhausted and not be bothering about your own appearance (and you will love it!) would someone who is a virtual stranger want to see you through this, I suspect not, but your OH would as he is there for the long haul. I believe you need to talk to your OH about how you are feeling, blame it on the hormones, and ask for some special you two time (when the baby comes you won't have time!).

You really should cancel your christmas plans, no need to make the situation worse than it already is. Maybe you need a few days off work to sort your head out..... you could always go and talk to your midwife too, I am sure she has loads of experience with hormonal women and the effects.

Good Luck, don't do anything stupid for the sake of your unborn child.

Fuzzy_Duck

I agree that the stylist sounds quite creepy. It simply seems weird for a man to be attracted to a woman pregnant with another man's child, and his behaviour comes across as sleazy. As others have said you can bet money he won't be interested when the baby has been born.

It sounds to me like your OH is working through his own issues as well, so share your worries with him, as he was affected by your loss as well. He may be trying to distract himself from these worries but tell him it's important he listen to you and you will listen to him and his concerns. Everyone goes through rough patches but I'm sure these feelings will pass. You're likely to be hormonal after all and these will mess with your emotions and cloud your judgement.

If it were me I would cancel those Christmas plans immediately. It simply isn't appropriate and to the stylist it may seem like you're inviting him to make a move on you. If you can't cancel the plans then as a previous poster said, invite other people to put him off.

Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy

mrcow

So Clair - you're online - so tell us - have you cancelled this guy for Chirstmas day yet?

If you loved your husband or meant any of your marriage vows when you said them, it's what you'd do.

Seraphseven

Claire3121 wrote: »

This is when it gets tricky. I was half asleep on the sofa when he stroked my hair and kissed me. Nothing more has been said but he told me he's falling for me big time,last week,and I'm starting to grow very fond of him too..
xxx

Hi Claire,

Looking at this from the point of view of your colleague, He feels that he is falling for you, He kisses you and you don't immediately tell him it's wrong, you then invite him round for Christmas, what is generally considered a time for the ones you love, when your OH isn't around.

You are giving this guy strong signals that you want something to happen

You're married and pregnant, do you really want to throw your whole life away over this? Sit down and objectively think about how you feel, would you really want to be with someone that chases a vulnerable, pregnant, married woman?? You haven't said much about your OH but as others have said, how would you feel if you had to work on Christmas day and your OH invited a female work colleague round to spend christmas day with him and your kids knowing that you would be out of the house for at least a few hours?

I'm sure you wouldn't be best impressed, By reading these boards you can get a real idea of how much hurt a cheating partner can cause, Would you really want to be the cause of all that hurt to your family?

Sit down and have a long think about what is important, I'm almost certain it won't be this work colleague

fantasia322

CAFCGirl wrote: »

Super honest pregnant woman view coming on now:

I too am 16 weeks pregnant and have had a hell of a time with my DH...... I suffered a loss last year and although so far this pregnancy has been going well, I am still scared to my core every day. I made little comments to my hubby, but he just said dont worry and carried on about his business....
So there I am with all this time on my hands, thinking he's being really unsupportive that I just blew up, had an absolute hysterical fit and cried for 3 hours, telling him that I felt he had no compassion for me, gave me pathetic one liners as if they were supposed to dispell all my fears, and that I thought I'd be better off on my own than have him half heartedly in it with me....

And you know what happened......?

It rocked him to his absolute core that I hadnt shared any of it with him sooner, that I'd spent my days mulling it over, and even got to the stage where I though I'd be better off alone...

Moral of the story, he cant help you if a) you dont tell him whats wrong and b) you dont tell him what he can do to help you!

And looking back on what happened over my weekend, what else did I realise?
Just how unsupportive I had been of my husband. WE lost a baby last year, not just me, but WE, the baby was a part of him too.....
He is just as scared as I am that it will all happen again, because WE are pregnant, not just me, but WE, this baby is a part of him too....

And he loves him just as much as I do....

He cant get inside your head, but it sounds like you are letting a fantastical view of what life could be like with this work colleague overtake your mind.....
Why dont you spend time thinking how fantastic life can be with your husband, if you open up and share your concerns with him.....

And plus, have you ever stopped to realise how your huband feels KNOWING that you would rather be cared for a whole week after that scare, and many more days since by someone else....
No wonder he's burying himself in his work, you're giving him plenty of signals to say you dont want him around......

And quite frankly, if any of my male friends did that to me, when I wa emotionally and physically vunerable, they would not be coming round my house on xmas day, getting to play the happy family!!!!

Apologies for any harsh tone.... have gone into full blown pregnant woman rant...

I really do hope that you talk to your husband and get some distance from this guy at work....

I started to post but after reading this I deleted it. Bravo, exactly what I was trying to say. And you can never over emphasise the WE bit, its as much a mans baby as the wife, she is just lucky enough to have the closeness of carrying the baby. But any loss is just as much the fathers as is the threat of anything wrong with the pregnancy. Agree totally with you.

fantasia322

Fuzzy_Duck wrote: »

I agree that the stylist sounds quite creepy. It simply seems weird for a man to be attracted to a woman pregnant with another man's child, and his behaviour comes across as sleazy. As others have said you can bet money he won't be interested when the baby has been born.

It sounds to me like your OH is working through his own issues as well, so share your worries with him, as he was affected by your loss as well. He may be trying to distract himself from these worries but tell him it's important he listen to you and you will listen to him and his concerns. Everyone goes through rough patches but I'm sure these feelings will pass. You're likely to be hormonal after all and these will mess with your emotions and cloud your judgement.

If it were me I would cancel those Christmas plans immediately. It simply isn't appropriate and to the stylist it may seem like you're inviting him to make a move on you. If you can't cancel the plans then as a previous poster said, invite other people to put him off.

Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy

Lol so why did Joseph marry the Virgin Mary when she was up the duff then.......? Some men find pregnancy a trun on. Shouldnt be happening in this case of course it should'nt. But its not wierd, just unuaual.

Claire3121

mrcow wrote: »

So Clair - you're online - so tell us - have you cancelled this guy for Chirstmas day yet?

If you loved your husband or meant any of your marriage vows when you said them, it's what you'd do.

I'm in work at mo and trying to read posts when I can. will reply better tonight xx

mrcow

fantasia322 wrote: »

Lol so why did Joseph marry the Virgin Mary when she was up the duff then.......?

Well if we're being pedantic - he didn't. They didn't get married until afterwards. Joseph also wanted to run a mile until he was visited by an angel to tell him to stay with Mary during her predicament.

Sorry - this all off topic, but I cant stand inaccuracies like that lying

fantasia322

mrcow wrote: »

Well if we're being pedantic - he didn't. They didn't get married until afterwards. Joseph also wanted to run a mile until he was visited by an angel to tell him to stay with Mary during her predicament.

Sorry - this all off topic, but I cant stand inaccuracies like that lying

Lol ok, I stand corrected, but you get the jist