bipolar?

Anthillmob

i need help. am seeing my doctor on monday after a previous failed visit to a different doctor who sent me off for a thyroid test previously that came back negative.

a couple of people have suggested maybe i am bipolar.

i feel very very low at the moment. i cry at the drop of a hat even at the most stupid thing [like seeing the gruffallo being advertised on bbc1].

i am such a very angry individual at the moment.

recently i have gone fro m wouldnt say boo to a goose to a loud mouthed 'i dont give a f**k' come and have a go if you think youre hard enough kind of person.

thats isnt me at all.

im usuall a talkative but level headed individual who steers well clear if trouble.

but recenlty my moods are so black and i switch from happy to absolute rage like a switch goes off in my head. my dog takes the brunt of my abuse [not physical] but i have 2 young children and a partner and i dont want them to take the brunt, or the dog the poor thing.

before this dark mood swept over me totally about 2 months ago i went through some kind of transformation. i tarted up my wardrobe, started wearing more makeup than usual and flauting what i have [which aint a lot but i was elated to have gone up a bra size after a proper fitting]. i am not in any way unhappy in my relationship, im totally in love even after 11 years. i got more confidence from somewhere. i thought this all stemmed from me giving up smoking. i also was very randy [i know TMIis all relevant]

and then ive been down in the lowest place ive ever known. i shout and swear for no reason and once i start it isnt one swear word its a barrage of them. i am very angry and aggressive but not aggressive to people more to objects if that makes sense, i try and refrain from people but i dont know how long ill be able to.

and i really dont want to go down that route.

everything annoys me. i cant be bothered about anything. i aint sleeping properly which makes me arsy in the mornings and ome night i take kalms but these dont help much.

an example last night was the work christmas do. the first ive been to in 5 or so years. my friend who is a contractor there fell down a flight of stairs and ended up spending the night in a&e as she had knocked herself out. we didnt see her fall and she dont know if she slipped or passed out [she wasnt that drunk] but either way i was very upset by it. especially when the ambulance went off leaving me behind, she has no family up here as she lives on the south coast. and one colleague was trying to take photos of the incident with my camera and no one apart from 3 others from a large group gave a !!!!.

i had some kind of breakdown infront of the lot of them. eventually i left with another colleague who is a close friend and went to the hospital to se the other and then home. i came close last night to saying stuff to each individual that would get me sacked.

i was so so angry with them. butthen on te other hand am i being OTT?

and ive noticed at work a few people have nothing to do with me now, especially since my new found confidence. or what i see as confidence.

im in a total mess. i cried my eyes out for an hour earlier for no reason whatsoever.

any ideas? i know im seeing my doctor monday but right now im just a mess. or a shell, all front but nothing in the middle

choille

could it be it's giving up the ciggies that's made you have a short fuse.
Bi-polar is times of depression followed by times of mania - hyperactivity.
Could be you are stressed or maybe your hormones going a bit haywire?
Good that you are going to get it checked out as it sounds like there is something going on that's affecting your moods.

pipkin71

Doesn't this also tie in with you starting new medication?

Anthillmob

sorry i forgot to mention my medication, cheers pipkin.

sorry, the OH came home and i started talking to him.

ive been on my meds now for a year on and off [cant take them if ill] and i discussed with them last week my moods and they said give it a miss for a bit unless i really want to come off it completely. which i dont want to do.

im not stressed by giving up the fags, it never bothered me and i more or less did cold turkey.

ive always been a bit narky nown again and never a morning person but now im seriously angry morning noon and night.

i rmember once years and years ago i lost control in a clas in middle school and stormed out and punched a wall. thats not me either. and ive never done anything like that since.

ive had counselling before for 'depression' that was absolute carp and not worth the effort. it didnt help and i did the 'course'.

somehow it all burried itself. and i put it down to coming out of a violent [on the ex'spart] relationship and me getting over it. that made me ill as in major weight loss.

after 11 years with my parter ive got more confident until now when ive got super confident and even put on some much needed weight but something dark has attached itself to the goodness. if that makes sense.

its not right to sit here and cry at nothing for hours. im so down. and shouting at my kids is not right. the 2 year old dont care ut the 4 year old, she knows. i apologise and cuddle her. and him. and writing/thinking of that has started me off.

why am i so unhappy? ive got a loving family [OH and 2 kids], my mother drives me insane with her aches and pains, my sister lives up north. i have friends but rarely go out which is probably good in this frame of mind. actually scrap that, they are friends in the 'dont go out with them' sense.

im thankful im seeing my doctor who listens to me rather than the others who work there and dont give one.

this cant go on.

pipkin71

You're right, it can't go on, and I'm glad you're seeing the GP on Monday, who can hopefully make a diagnosis.

Good luck

RainbowChild_2

Let us know how you get on..it's awful being on the rollercoaster hun xxx but there are plenty that are..even if we can't help you directly you will know that you're not alone

Anthillmob

sorry. i know theres people out there worse than me but no one else is listening to me right now.

i need to get this all out. my mate wo got hurt last night [shes fine just concussed] was discussing with me yesterday that she has noticed me go from me to 'angry and aggressive' but thankfully she still loves me and knows its some odd thing going on and she has been there herself. so i have some support.

dont get me wrong, the oh is supportive hes just gone off to bed as he has come home worse for wear after his crimbo do.

im lucky i have him. and i love him and my kids to deATH.

nna bow out of this convo now because im upsetting myself again. all i want to do is cry but it dont help.

ive told him if i dont get somehing sorted by new year im sectioning myself. i know im suffering some kind of mental illness. i just need someone to believe me. also not helped if i admit im possibly an alcoholic.

RainbowChild_2

There are loads of people behind you girl but I understand what you mean..TOTALLY

Pm me if you like xxx

dmg24

I am bipolar, and know it is difficult to get an initial diagnosis, as it is for any MH condition past depression. It is unlikely that your GP would make a diagnosis. You could ask for a psychiatric referral, but you could have a long wait or they may not allow you to see anyone (often intervention only comes when you have a particularly bad episode).

If you can't get anywhere with the NHS, it may be worth seeing a private psychiatrist. Then with a proper diagnosis, you are more likely to get help from the NHS.

You can't actually section yourself, sectioning only occurs when you will not consent to treatment. The chances of getting inpatient treatment by choice are very low, unfortunately there just are not the resources.

I hope you get something sorted. It is a very frustrating system!

gizmo111

its not right to sit here and cry at nothing for hours. im so down. and shouting at my kids is not right. the 2 year old dont care ut the 4 year old, she knows. i apologise and cuddle her. and him. and writing/thinking of that has started me off.

Don't be fooled that the baby doesn't know or care that she is being shouted at, you are on the edge of causing them emotional harm and need to be aware of this, as does your partner.

I'm not medically trained but I don't think you have bi polar, having 2 relatives that have it, however I agree that you need to get a GP assessment and referral asap and get a diagnosis and treatment asap.

Good Luck, it is not easy to get someone to lsiten to you when you don't know what the exact cause/probem is but you must perservere for your children as wel as yourself.

Kind Regards and keep posting for support xx

EDIT

ive told him if i dont get somehing sorted by new year im sectioning myself. i know im suffering some kind of mental illness. i just need someone to believe me. also not helped if i admit im possibly an alcoholic.

Just re read this post - the alcohol is likely to be a big part of the way you are feeling and acting, so make sure you are totally honest and open with GP and partner, although this will be very difficult for you. How much are you drinking?
You cannot section yourself, although you can voluntarily agree to be detained in hospital for assessment/treatment.

Bryando

Hi there.

I have mental health well 'problems' or what ever the word is. Going into hospital should be a LAST resort. Purely as it is a false enviroment. I know this as been sectioned etc. Hospital is only god should you pose a danger to yourself. what is defined as danger to yourself if one for a Doctor. As this varies. Or for public safety.
I've read what your saying. I'm not going even go down the road of advising you on Bi polar etc etc. As I can assure you. If you read a specific book. you will find you match a few. The best person to advice etc is a Doctor. Whether than be a Psychiatrist with the support of a Community Psychiatric Nurse. Or Psychology/G.P. You may not even have a mental illness or disorder. Only thing I will say to you, that helped me in the past few years. Is keep a diary for a better word of when you get up to you go to bed. Make notes on your mood/what was happening then. Other folks reaction/ how dit make you feel. Times you can't sleep etc. This helps alot. not only for you but the doctor. Which in turn could lead to a quicker diagnosis, therefore on the road to recovery.