Going from 1 toddler to plus newborn any advice?

Counting_Pennies_2

You mention PND in your post.

I too had PND, undiagnosed the first time, and the second time when it was I went totally unsupported, so I had to take things in my own hands.

Someone on here recommended Home Start, and I honestly think this is what saved me from going under.

You can self refer yourself. Just call or email your local branch and they will contact you, do an assessment of your needs and hopefully match you to a helper.

The lady who helped me would take my preschooler off to the park for a few hours or to the coffee shop for a treat if the weather was poor. The visit is a one two hour visit a week, which for me was so very short but it gave me respite half way through the week and that really got me through.

In terms of advice for the rest of the week, I would suggest just one outing a day, it takes so much effort to get up and out, that it will exhaust you doing two trips with the two of them.

From the age you mention your toddler may not be potty trained. If so put it off until you are six months in, or if you have time now and the birth isn't too imminent give it a try now.

When baby sleeps you will probably find you have a toddler to entertain so you won't be able to crawl into bed like you might have done with your first. I would recommend getting a supply of DVDs, I think Love Film do a cheap service and they send the next one out very quickly and you only have to make it to the post box to return it, and they then send you the next one, so just a few days wait. That will enable your little one to sit in front of the tv to have some quiet time and you can have a lie on the sofa. Perhaps do some cooking (chocolate crispy cakes) the most simplest form going, or some reading of books just before so that your toddler has had some interaction with you just before baby goes to sleep.

Something that I worked out over a year into my PND is that the Progesterone contraceptive pill has helped enormously with my emotions. I have heard Progesterone is a good thing to have with PND and you can get an injection immediately after the birth if you are prone to it. You might want to check that out if you think you might be vulnerable again.

You didn't mention if your partner can work from home, if so try to get that to happen once or twice a week, again to enable you to have a sleep. Pop little one in front of tv so partner can still work. I know the dreaded tv isn't ideal, but in terms of alternatives needs must!

Good luck

x

jimjams_mommy

Thanks for all the advice!, lucky ds has got the hang of day time potty training and he goes to pre-school 2.5 hr once a week ( all we can afford untill funding starts term after he is 3 )

I go to a homestart play group once a week so will ask about the home visit. I'm lucky ds understands more regarding me being unable to pick him up so much and doing certain things.
I have a good g.p who we argeed if my pnd comes back to go on anti-pressants again and go to formal feeds. Will try and nurse as long as I can and not beat myself up if I can't. Its hard at the moment as I don't drive and live in an area with poor public transport.

Think I'm at that pregancy stage of OMG I'm about to have a baby lol. I'm not worried about the labour but just the shock of going from an indepentant toddler to a new born without the ablitly to rest when I can.

When I talk to ds about when the baby comes and that big brothers get a present from babies, all he wants is a milkway!!!! ( he has one when we go for my appointments )
will put gift in bag and make sure baby in cot when he visits.

flower24

bettybeaver wrote: »

I had a 17 and a half month gap between my two DD's and found that number 2 just slotted in alongside everything else. I think that having one child is more of a rench to your life style than the addition of another one to the family.
So don't worry, and make sure that you give yourself time to yourself. Dad's are pretty good at most things (dispite what they say ) and let him 'take turns' with things like the bedtime routine.
Last thing, make the most of having one for now, as once the second one is born you quickly realise just how big your lap can become!!!!!

have to disagree with this :eek: sorry lol

I have a 17 month gap between my two and have found it bloody hard work. I used to do a lot of going out walking and meeting friends when I only had the one, but adding another to the mix scuppered all that as double buggy wasn't very good for long walks and it's hard leisurely walking with a friend in town when you've got to keep two of them happy. I found I spent a lot of time stuck in the house and although I had PND after my first child it was a lot worse after the second one was born.


I do think though OP if you child is just under 3 you will probably find it a lot easier as a child of that age has more understanding that a 17 month old who doesn't understand why mummy has to sit feeding a greedy baby all day! :rotfl:One piece of advice is if you want to use a dummy use one, my little man used to use my boob as a dummy and would only go to sleep when feeding so I had to get one just to be able to get stuff done. And do make sure you get out to the toddler groups, try and find somewhere to go/something to do every day x x

angelicmary85

sh1305 wrote: »

Might be a bit young; but can you get toddler invovled in helping out with baby?

Never too young to help out! My 1st was 17months old when my 2nd arrived and she'd run and get the wipes for me or a 'boob' (she couldn't say bib!)

carlamagee

advice fr the first few weeks;take one day at a time. if u feel like going out, go out. whether it be a nip t the shops to get milk etc or a meetup woth other mums. alos, if u dont feel like it, dont do it!

i thought my 2yo was a good walker until my 2nd one arrived aswell; she HATED the buggy board after a while so got a 2nd hand from gumtree!
everything Tiami D said applies aswell!
the elder child might feel put out a bit for the first few weeks, which is only normal, but as hard as it may be, try not to scold too much!

I wish you the very best with your new babby, and dont be scared/anxious/fretful -- you will find your own routine and do your own thing that will suit only you and your family! xxo

Counting_Pennies_2

MoaningMyrtle wrote: »

If you have to take the older child to nursery in the morning, don't worry about dressing the baby, just change it's nappy, feed it then put on outdoor clothing and a blanket. You can spend time dressing/bathing it when you get home.

I would go one further and say don't worry about changing clothes at all. They are bound to spill milk at some point and at that stage just pop another baby gro on. I found until mine reached 3 months I just kept them in baby gros with two special outfits in case of visitors. If no change has happened in the day just pop a fresh baby gro on before night time.

Also if you can get a fleece outdoor suit to pop little one in, not the big quilted variety, so much easier to get into and so much warmer. I got mine from Jo Jo Mama and I got the bigger size than she was and it did for a good six months, should take you through to the warmer weather. A good birth present for your family perhaps?

mums_got_no_pennies

Had my son 4 months ago 2 days after daughter turned 2.first few weeks or so were fine,although hard work as doing it all on my own,We then had a bit of a blip when he was about 6 weeks.few tears and tantrums,house was a complete tip as had to make sure i had time to do the normal things with daughter.i actually bought her a doll ,nappies,bottles etc and when i had to tend to baby i would ask her to get the doll and we both did it together.she now helps out getting nappies,wipes and things and loves it.As for a double buggy if you can avoid it dont buy one,dont know how i didnt do myself a serious injury pushing that thing around town.I think its really nice to have them growing up with a small age gap,there are 11 years between my oldest and my daughter and i was an only child.It wont be easy at first but you soon get your routine sorted and its not that different from having just one.i have a very content little baby now as i think he knows he has to wait his turn and theres no point in screaming about it lol.Good luck but im sure you wont need it.x

jimjams_mommy

Have washed the baby clothes and are all neat in my bedroom, DS was so funny when I showed him a hat he wore when he came home from hospital, he tryed to put it on he was so sweet.

All the baby grow are like new can't believe it! just need to get a new matress for the moses basket and crib and thats it. And nappies bits and bob. The baby is moving loads with very painfull kicks and i swear if I had a pound for every person who says how massive I am I would be mortage free lol

Thanks for the advice, was having a wobble at the start of the week thinking of having a new born again!

jcr16

My daughter was just under 20 months when my son was born. and i found it really easy. They just slotted in together. i found there was no point in getting stressed or worried. if we got up late we did. WE went off to toddler groups which started at 9am and for some reason i found getting up and out the house earlier alot easier. We had days when stayed in pj's all day.

It harder going from no children to 1 than it is going from 1 to 2. because with your first everything is new and you have no idea,lol.

ALIBOBSY

I definately agree with those who say the biggest jump is from no kids to 1 child. I am due baby no 4 in spring next year and the first 3 all slotted in together no problems (well no more than any other families :rotfl:).
But my first 3 had bigger gaps between then. DS was just 5 when DD1 was born and she was 4 when DD2 came along. So now will have an 11 nearly 12 year old at high school, a 6 nearly 7 year old at primary, a 2 and 1/2 year old at nursery (2 mornings) and the new baby (and a cat lol). Should keep me busy.

ali x