Going from 1 toddler to plus newborn any advice?

jimjams_mommy

Im due to have a much wanted second child in a few weeks and have a toddler under three. Any advice for the jump from one to two children? I haven't got a double buggie yet as my ds is a good walker, have been given a buggie board. I still have a load of baby items so thats money saved.

Any advice for the first few weeks as i don't have any family that can help who live near by. I learnt the importance of getting out and going to toddler groups when I had pnd. I am in process of defrosting the freezer to do some meals to save a bit of cooking and stocking up on nappies, pads, kitchen items etc. My dh is self-employed so wont be getting paid leave or able to have much time off.

Any advice is most welcome.

tiamai_d

Unless the baby is in danger, ignore him/her when he/she cries if your toddler wants your attention. Not all the time, but to your toddler if they see you always running to pick up the baby when they are talking to you, it is a big no no, they see it as the baby is stealing you away.

When toddler (or any aged child) visits you in hospital/first time after the birth, do not let them walk in to see you cuddling the baby, again it can seem to them that mummy has a new baby and doesn't want them anymore.

Although, there will be people on that will say leaving a baby to cry is cruel and their child was fine.... etc etc.

Best bit of advice I can give you is that so long as the house is clean enough not to get a tummy bug making a cup of tea, it's clean enough. If you have to go out, pack bags the night before, leave out clothes and make sure you know where shoes, jackets, hats etc are. Include the older child but don't make demands, ask them to get you a nappy but don't tell them off if they say no.

You will get used to it in a few weeks, its not as bad as you imagine.

fernliebee

I'll be in your situation in june, my DD turns 2 on 11th June and baby is due a week later. I'll read this thread with interest!

My friends who have already made the jump from 1-2 have given me some good advice, but obviously I haven't tried any of it yet!

If planning on breastfeeding new baby then get a selection of interesting toy's or bit's and bob's/ household items etc for when you are feeding and only let toddler have them then as they will hold more interest.

Get the toddler a present from the baby when it is born so they feel included, ask others to think of toddler too when buying gifts.

I don't want to get a double buggy and DD is already a good walker so hopefully will be OK, however for the first few months you can sling baby and put toddler in the buggy if need be.

Freezing the meals is a great idea, will save you so much time on those days when you literally don't have a minute (most days with a toddler and a newborn I would imagine )

Good luck, you will be fine, especially if you get out and about to groups etc so toddler is occupied anyway.

MoaningMyrtle

If you have to take the older child to nursery in the morning, don't worry about dressing the baby, just change it's nappy, feed it then put on outdoor clothing and a blanket. You can spend time dressing/bathing it when you get home.

Indie_Kid

Might be a bit young; but can you get toddler invovled in helping out with baby?

Molly41

Oh this brought back memories. I have four kids and my eldest DS was only 15 months when DD was born. Oh he hated her for a few weeks and she spent the first few months stashed safely away from little fingers behind the stairgate in the kitchen. I could see and hear her but she was ignored quite a bit until big bro came round to the idea of his sister. He always wanted to poke her and once when she was a bit older he decided she needed to be taken to the toys and proceeded to drag her by he ankles across the floor. Of course i intervened ! Basically its a time of transition..of shifting dynamics and your toddler may well regress in behaviour, toiletting, eating. Thats normal and you just have to be extra loving and patient. Trying to keep to toddlers routine is helpful as is accepting any help on offer. Hope all goes well for birth x

bettybeaver

I had a 17 and a half month gap between my two DD's and found that number 2 just slotted in alongside everything else. I think that having one child is more of a rench to your life style than the addition of another one to the family.
So don't worry, and make sure that you give yourself time to yourself. Dad's are pretty good at most things (dispite what they say ) and let him 'take turns' with things like the bedtime routine.
Last thing, make the most of having one for now, as once the second one is born you quickly realise just how big your lap can become!!!!!

**skinnyminny**

I have exactly 2 years difference between my sons and it was a big worry for me but i was pleasantly suprised by the way my eldest coped with the new arrival, i was definately worrying more than i needed to.

I tried to explain to him that he would be getting a brother but to be honest i really don't think he understood until he was born and i bought him a little cheapy buggy and dolly so that when i was tending to the newborn he could help by seeing to the dolly so he felt involved.

I bought a phil and teds buggy for the fact that it converted from single to double really easily and sometimes the older versions go really cheaply on e-bay if you were considering getting a double but then again if your eldest is a good walkerr a buggy board should suit you well:D

I think to be honest clothes wise, you sound like your sorted and have stuff left over but the basic white sleepsuits from sainsburys were a lifesaver for me i used to just pop a nice bib over each one as they were covered in puke again 5 mins after i had changed them:eek:

**skinnyminny**

Oh, i hadn't finished and it posted

Not sure if you have a slow cooker but i think they are a great idea you could pop all your stuff in when you get 5 mins in the morning and leave it all day then serve up some for you eldest and then it is still lovely and warm for when your oh gets in so you could eat together, i think that trying to squeeze in time to sit down together is the hardest part, as everyones so knacked with a newborn!

I also would say don't worry too much anout bathing your baby lots in the new days, with my first i was forever dunking him in the bath and making my life more difficult thinking he had to be clean all of the time, with my second i was the queen of a top and tail bowl and cotton wool and it was soooooo much easier than filling up baths, getting everything ready and so on, they don't get too mucky so a quick wipe over is more than enough

Lastly just try to make sure you have a bit of time for yourself, especially if you don't have too much family about, when the baby naps just sit down and catch 5 minutes of the telly, nap or read a few pages of a mag just so you still feel like you and are not just a mummy and wife, But wishing you lots of luck with your new arrival and enjoy every minute:D

bylromarha

My 2 were 22 months apart. OH also self employed.

Eldest (DS) stayed in buggy for 1st 3 months of baby's (DD) life, whilst DD went in a sling. When DD got to 3 months, she went in the buggy, DS went on Buggy Board. However, I had already done all my research on double buggies when pregnant so, should I need to if the buggy board failed dramatically for DS, I could immediately buy a double rather than find which one would suit me best.

Also, have you checked the buggy board is compatible with your buggy? Best to try now and make sure it has all the parts you need.

Had a stash of new toys and books to amuse DS for the feeding times.

I felt absolutely fine about letting DS watch a bit more TV than normal!

OH arranged his timetable so that he could be around at stress points to ease the burden a few times a week.

Stock the freezer up with single meals for your toddler as well as family meals as some days you won't be able to all eat together.

Let the toddler take things at their own pace with getting to know the baby.

Be aware there are days where they both scream their heads off. Take a deep breath and attend to the most needed issue first.

And remember that the feeling you are constantly changing nappies doesn't last much longer as your toddler grows up! DS is now in yr 1, DD in Nursery half days and I can't quite believe that we've reached this point so quickly - only seems like yesterday they used to play crawling chase when DD was 6 months old.

wornoutmumoftwo

My two were 14 months apart and have to say it was a struggle in the early days. Obviously baby comes first, but I made sure my elder son had quality time so not to feel left out. Also had to give up breastfeeding as my little one would have fed 24/7 and I felt it wasn't fair. Other than that, you just sort of learn to cope.

Peopl asked me how I managed with two young children, and my answer was I just did, when I asked the same of mum's with 3/4/5 kids there answer was the same.