I'm expected to help more than brother

ninjalass

Dad is going in for heart surgery next week, mum begged me to take time off work which I've managed to do. My brother who's been home 3 times this year doesn't have to.

Prodigal son has returned home for 3 time this year today. He won't help out at all and I'm expected to do everything next week.

We both live about 150 miles away (me slightly further).

I'm tempted to tell them in new year that as brother can't be bothered to help out as much I won't be going home as much (I go home at least 1 per month sometimes more).

Mum is in remission and I nursed her through that too whilst he got away with it again.

He gets away with everything and I'm getting annoyed at his behaviour and them rewarding him as a prodigal son everytime.

What would others do?

garthdp

I would willingly look after my parents.You wont have them forever

cte1111

Your Mum has begged you for help and you are able to thankfully. She probably hasn't asked your brother because she knows he wouldn't bother / would be no use / she's not as close to him as you.

I can sort of see what you are saying, that it's not fair, but life isn't fair. I do understand what you are going through, my Dad has been ill and I have done what I can to help, but would try my best not to compare what my sister and I are able to do for him. We both do what we can, because they are our parents, end of.

tandraig

its annoying isnt it? my MIL thought the world of eldest son - though he didnt do much and she hardly saw him! my OH (her youngest) and his other two bros were lovely to her - but she had a habit of playing them off against each other while elevating elder bro to sainthood. nowt i could do about - just concentrate on what we could do for her and forget about Saint Doug.
oh and he alienated all his brothers for his moneygrubbing ways. none of them speak to him now. what goes around comes around.

ninjalass

We've never been allowed in his house, he's lived there about 10 years. Sat outside 2, only reason why we've not gone back is that I refuse to drive there now and they won't drive in cities.

Dad and I had a very bad accident, bro didn't come home, he stayed away for 4 years. Only came back when mum phoned him up to ask when he was coming over, "when it was mutually convienient time for all of us", she went "oh, btw I've got cancer, it doesn't sound too good" and put phone down - he was there 2 days later, stayed 48 hours. We've not seen his OH since before mum had chemo - about July 06. He barely goes home, 2 - 4 times per annum max. We've got to fetch and carry all the time.

He takes her mum and g-mum out for lunches / meals / tickets for concerts / hotels away, won't pay towards their 40 wedding anniversary. Still waiting for birthday and Christmas presents from last year and probably this year too - already missed mum and mine, and won't have left anything for dad's in 2 weeks time.

He's too b&&&&&y lazy to get out of bed on Sun before 11 and gets train at 12.

Parents have supplied my phone number for all to contact when he's in hospital.

My brother wanted me to help him with ebay the other week, as someone had bid 99p for something he had paid £24 for. He can't even be bothered to help our parents out - when I asked him to call me back to see if he could borrow money to help our parents out he didn't bother calling me back for 3 weeks.

Parents claim they're going to do a will to favour me but they've been saying that for months and still no will done.

Wish I could name and shame him on the thread.

tandraig

awww ninjalass - some people are selfish barstewards arent they? all you can do hun is be the best daughter you can be and get on with life as if he wasnt there! if you do get any help then its a bonus.
er - if your parents did leave him out of will or favoured you - suspect you would be embroiled in contesting the will with him - he sounds just like my bro-in-law.
really hun - from the sounds of him you are better off for NOT seeing him methinks?

ninjalass

I've just been told that he's already gone home! Stayed a grand total of 7 hours and was asleep 4 of them.

They've sort of invited themselves to his house next year, I've said good luck in getting there I'm not driving you there. I won't be invited anyway.

I know about the contesting of will, but think it's only way that he'd go and do more with them - have told them to tell him before anything happens to either of them what will be in will, i.e. more for me than him and if he does more with them they will review it etc.

So when I get home mid week I'm likely to hurt my shoulder again trying to sort out stuff for parents as he couldn't be bothered and then be in agony driving again.

BitterAndTwisted

ninjalass wrote: »

I know about the contesting of will, but think it's only way that he'd go and do more with them - have told them to tell him before anything happens to either of them what will be in will, i.e. more for me than him and if he does more with them they will review it etc.

I would advise you in the strongest possible terms not to get involved in blackmailing your brother in this way. It's wrong and it's also very, very foolish. I believe your parents understand quite well what a selfish and uncaring pig he is and they don't need any help from you to stir up a hornet's nest. It could all come back and bite you on the bum in future and you'd deserve it, really.

tandraig

I wouldnt have put it as strongly as bitterandtwisted - but agree with the post.
perhaps you are feeling a bit over-emotional at the moment hun? its a stressful time for you.
i really think you should leave your brother out of it. live your life and dont worry about his relationship with your parents.
agree with you that you shouldnt drive your parents over to his place - especially if you wont be invited in. what do they expect you to do? sit in the car? not on hun. refuse and tell them to tell son to arrange transport for them. not your problem.
dont blackmail him into helping them - they may decide he is so nice they will cut you out of will altogether. you dont want that do you?

Rockporkchop

You need to forget about your brother. Don't factor him into your plans or arrangements, if you were an only child you would be doing this by yourself. Many of us have had to put up with a prodigal sibling and it is annoying, granted. But these are your parents, you need to treat them exactly as you would want to be treated and do as much as you can for them while you still have them. Don't even think about the will either, do things for them because you want to and you can. They obviously know exactly what your brother is like but choose to gloss over it, and I'm sure they are grateful for everything you do for them.

milliemonster

Honestly, forget about your brother, spend as much time with your parents as you possibly can, you never know what tomorrow will bring, I have had similar issues with my brother, and we lost our mother last year to breast cancer, my dad has now met a lovely woman who has enriched his lonely life but my brother is not interested, says he doesn't care and has enough on with his own family (except when he wants money off my dad)

but instead of feeling bitter about him, I am just enjoying my dad while I have him, I lost my mum at a young age and I want to cherish the time I have with my dad, wills don't even come into it and they shoudln't with you, don't let bitterness come between your love for your parents, once they are gone you can never have that time back