I'm expected to help more than brother

BitterAndTwisted

Very judgmental and rather harsh as well. It might be helpful if you didn't read people's posts quite so literally.

It sounds to me like the OP didn't really need to be begged.

ceridwen

I do sympathise. I hope your mother isnt being sexist here. I know in my own mind - I rate my brother and myself EXACTLY equal as to what its reasonable to expect and no allowance whatsoever is made by me for the fact that hes a man and I'm not - so what....:mad: I dont THINK my mother plays the "sexism card" here.....or maybe I dont want to be angry with her - and she does and I'm "blinding myself" about it. I THINK its just that hes her favourite child - as hes much more like her than I am.

If/when it comes to it I will be telling my brother in no uncertain terms that hes up for 50% of the responsibility to deal with it - but I'll make sure and certain that I do 100% of the organising of whats what...so its done properly and fairly. I dont trust my brother either and my parents know it and deep down they know he cant be trusted - so I'll just have to cross my fingers that they are as fair as I am if it comes to it.

Because I think my parents are probably pretty fairminded - then I am anticipating a "Battle Royal" with my brother come the time....but, oh well, nowt I can do about it...so theres no point in worrying myself. My brother is the type who would "rob his granny" if it suited him...whereas I would be sitting there scrupulously working things out fairly....but thats ultimately his problem...hes the one who will have bad karma - not me....:D

I guess ultimately that the most positive way to look at it is "At least I know/have known for years what hes like - so I've not been giving/giving/giving in his direction and am in a for a nasty shock some time along the line realising that its all been one way and I've just been used by him. I've known all along what hes like - so have been protecting myself by not doing that and he hasnt been able to use me - like he tries to with our parents." I'd recommend you think that way....

margaretclare

beverleyhills wrote: »

I think perhaps with our parent's generation, it's a gender thing - women are sort of expected to do this sort of thing.

Lin

'My son is my son till he gets him a wife but my daughter's my daughter all the days of her life' Late 17th century proverb.

It still colours the thinking of many people. I can understand that you feel resentful. Try to get rid of that feeling and concentrate on yourself and what you are able to do for your parents.

Well, not necessarily all of us of that generation. And no one is alive now who was alive in the late 17th century when that proverb was current!

It is certainly not true of those of us who marched for Women's Lib back in the early 1970s.

the_cat

Ninja

I don't think it is a case of 'expecting' you to do more than your brother. Your parents are obviously in need of help at present and have turned to the one person they can rely on.

If I were in their position I would be hurt beyond belief at your brother's attitude but would like them probably not tackle it directly, especially at the moment. Your mum will be worried about stirring up a family row and the stress it causes while your dad is ill and quite probably your dad is stressed and worried about the forthcoming surgery and not feeling up to tackling this

Be very grateful that you are able to help them and that they have you to rely on. It is galling and unfair that your brother behaves like this, but you angrily trying to 'fix' it will only make things worse and your poor parents simply do not need that right now. Karma will deal with your brother as and when!

Hope your dad is well again soon
Cat

ninjalass

Sorry just switched PC back on.

Yes I'm annoyed and stressed and emotional but he still gets away with it all.

1st - will, it's my parents suggestion not mine - I have said he'll just contest the thing anyway. They haven't been bothered to sort out will anyway after talking about it for several months.

Mum begged me but knows quite well I would have done it anyway - they know that I had kept time off work to help them when dad was going in for surgery. He needs further surgery in about 6 months after he's recovered from this op. When I asked my brother to take a few days off to help with that op (we didn't know at time he needed heart surgery) he claimed he couldn't take time off work in August 09 as he'd be too busy at work - then took 2 weeks off in August when we knew dad had to have the heart surgery first, and still didn't go and see them. I lost a job in past due to mum's cancer because I took time off to watch after her. He didn't bother to see her for 6 months.

His gf is just as bad not telling him to go and see his parents - if I was seeing someone who wouldn't go and see his ill parents I'd frog march him over to see them as family is important. She see's her mum and g-mum every week or more.

If they ask me to take them to his I'll oblige if they pack up a suitcase and I drop them off and take the suitcase telling him to bring them back the next day and if he had anything else on tough.

Errata

1st - will, it's my parents suggestion not mine - I have said he'll just contest the thing anyway. They haven't been bothered to sort out will anyway after talking about it for several months.

Your brother would have no grounds to contest their wills, he's not a dependent.

coco1980

ok our father was ill for a long time and i used to get soo annoyed with my wee bruv not doing hosp runs etc . i soon realised however that my brother couldnt bring himself to go, he hated the hospital that much and hated seeing our father so ill. it wasnt just an excuse his g'friend used to tell me how bad he felt.
our dad died last year and in the last year of his illness my brother did start doing his part.
sorry if this has went on a bit.

ninjalass

Apparently I'm to blame for dad's injury, he fell at mine - not the fact that he hadn't secured the ladder correctly and didn't tell me he was going to use the ladder without someone to "foot" ladder. I'm probably the one who caused dad's heart problems too as we found out when he crashed my car.

I asked dad which car did he prefer theirs or mine for travelling back in, or I can ask bro to go and fetch him - uncertain terms of "I ain't sitting in that tin can of his" was received.

My brother has never gone to a hospital in his life, wouldn't see relatives when he was younger, done nothing with us since meeting his OH and blames us? When I lived at home I used to drive parents to relatives house - still do as I live closer to dad's brother than they do and I drive them to see him more than my brother does to our parents per annum. I've driven my parents to airport, see friends about 5 hours away, landed up 2 in front of my brother's house saw him go into his house and refuse to allow us in etc. When we go shopping locally with him we go opposite way to him as we're so embarrased at his appearance and I'm not drop dead georgeous myself, but my clothes aren't 15 years old and full of holes, paint staines etc!

Apparently I've been poisoning mum and dad against him for 2 decades (I'd have just left primary then ), but he can't give me an explanation when I ask what poison and when are they going to stay with you? Why hasn't he gone to see them more than 4 - 6 times since I've left home, when I've been away etc? He can't answer that.

tandraig

sorry if this is a bit blunt hun - Is your bro mentally ill?

carlsberggal

In my opinion if theres a daughter she will always be asked to do more, just do it as you love your mum and dad but maybe have a word with your brother about pulling his weight/doing his fair share? Don't involve your parents in this