People buying xmas presents when they haven't previously.

Spendless

Just wondered if anyone had ever had this happen to them and what they did.

Bit of background we have family friends, Mr S has known the husband since their schooldays before losing touch a bit in adulthood. We got back in touch when my eldest was a baby roughly 10 years ago. They lived close-ish to us (40-50 mins drive away) and we saw them regularly but intermintently then they emigrated a few years ago (we still saw them once a year when they visited family), it hasn't worked out and they've returned to the U.K this time within walking distance of us- so we've seen a bit more of them.

Recently the wife told me that she had bought my kids something for xmas- from the way it was worded not sure if it is a joint present for my 2 or she's bought something each, but we've never ever bought xmas presents before for each other kids or otherwise.

Present wise I am wanting to scale down, I've sorted it out on my side of the family to buying for parents, grandparents and children (until x age) but not on husband's cos it was left a bit late in the day and it's something that we were going to broach in the New Year.

So what do I do, do I buy our friend's kids (they are secondary school age) pressies this year, do I not buy knowing mine are going to receive something, do I buy this year but then say something for future years. Anyone been in same situation?

Claire2831

Maybe you could buy a couple of selection boxes and have them in your cupboard so that if they do come round with gifts then you have something you could give them too without it costing too much?

Spendless

Claire - they already have the gift that's what I was told, that's why I don't know what to do- if it was just a possibility I'd go with the selection boxes, but I've been told in advance what the present is.

Teenie_D

Hi!

This happened to me a couple of years ago when my hubbys best friends wife (she is more an aquaintance to me not really a friend) told me she had bought my baby a xmas pressie and I was mortified as we have a big family and like you were scaling down. I just told her (uncomfortablly) that I didn't want to start getting presents for friends children as we couldn't really afford it. It was just a little thing she bought my dd but I felt awful but felt i had to stick to my guns or the same thing would happen the following year.

I would say to your friend in a nice way that you weren't expecting anything for your children and you are embarrased but you don't have anything for hers. Either that buy this year but warn her in plenty time that it is not something that you want to start.

Good luck-it is a really horrible position to be in!

Kazipoo

It is an awful position to be put in, but I would tell her straight out. I certainly don't give to receive, and actually feel embarrassed if people feel obliged to get something for me if I have for them. I love buying gifts for people, or even making them, as I have done this year, for me its all about the warm fuzzy feeling when you see their faces light up.... perhaps your friend is the same?

Spendless

Kazipoo- Out of interest do you tell people in advance you have got them something or not? I understand what you are saying about getting people presents, I love thinking of what someone would like to receive.

I'm scaling down present wise partly cos we were upto 19 people to buy for.:eek: partly cos some of the kids are getting older and I want a limit on what age we buy to before my list of 19 gets even bigger and partly cos DH has taken a pay-cut this year and I've been unable to find work.

Our friends have been financially hit too - which is why they've returned to the U.K so I do feel a bit mean when they've put themselves out to buy for my kids- it's just something I never really wanted to start.:cool:

barbie_babe

I have had this over the last few years as my children have got older,where there friends have started buying them presents. Some years i have had to give selection packs back as thats all i have had spare.

I would buy something back this year and next year in plenty of time tell her you are only going buy for family as money is tight.
What ages are the children and are they boys or girls maybe someone on here could help you get a cheap deal.

Spendless

barbie_babe wrote: »

I have had this over the last few years as my children have got older,where there friends have started buying them presents. Some years i have had to give selection packs back as thats all i have had spare.

I would buy something back this year and next year in plenty of time tell her you are only going buy for family as money is tight.
What ages are the children and are they boys or girls maybe someone on here could help you get a cheap deal.

Boy 13 and girl 11. If I do go down the buying for this year route the girl I think will be pretty easy, but the boy My son is almost 10 and he's becoming harder to buy the 'smaller' (ie less expensive presents for) no idea for a 13 year old.

MrsTinks

Buy them a board game Something like monopoly - so long as it's likely to have appeal for the whole family then it should be a winner

LJM

i would also say go with the board game idea as its always a firm fav in our house at xmas. i would broach the subject after xmas and let her know. tescos have some good board games cheap

mums_got_no_pennies

i too had this problem last week although it was a family member.she rang me up to ask what size my daughter wears and when i told her she said oh good i bought the right size then.i then started to panic,i have 3 children of my own and am a single parent and money is tight,as it is with most at the moment,so a couple of days later i politely said to her that if she wanted to return the gift that was fine by me as i wouldnt be able to give a gift back.needless to say i got no answer.i feel she only told me she had bought gifts as she had her own child this year and thought i would return the favour.i have never received a gift from her before for any of my children,so why start now?there are lots of children on my side of the family and we have never bought at christmas,we feel it better to concentrate on our own children.hope i dont sound like a BAH HUMBUG,im really not.oh yes and whatever happened to you dont give to receive,simply not the case with some people i think.