People buying xmas presents when they haven't previously.

jillymit

I suppose it depends what sort of person you are and what you think the reasons are that she has decided to get something for your kids ( I'm guessing it will be between them )
You could just go with 'oh how lovely, I feel soooo embarrassed I didn't get yours anything!' line which would certainly save you money but this approach takes more nerve than I've got
As suggested I go for a family board game, nothing too expensive and tell in plenty of time next year.
I'm sure the kids on both sides couldn't care less but it's more for the friendly gesture between adults than anything else.

jillymit

Oh blimey, she don't do things by half does she?
Well, it's not a competition, more fool her. Stick with a family gift, ok, chuck a tiny stocking filler in for each of the kids then.
She seems a bit free with her info I'm leaning towards Kay Peels opinion. I'd feel manipulate too.

Broomstick

I wonder if one way round the difficulty would be to say that money is a bit too tight atm for presents but could the children come round before the 25th and spend an afternoon with yours making and decorating Christmas biscuits (secret prezzies for their parents?) and/or making home-made decorations and cards? It might give the friend time to do last minute shopping, have a break for herself, or whatever. I know I'd have found that sort of offer really useful and you couldn't put a monetary value on it (and cooking and decorating ingredients wouldn't have to cost a lot).

karen24_2

I've bought a couple of my neighbours a small gift this year although I have never bought previously, as they have been so helpful and supportive to me this year. I will simply take the gifts to them on Christmas day so there is no possibility that they feel obligated to reciprocate the gift. I feel that mentioning the gift purchase in advance would make someone feel obligated to purchase a gift in return in some cases, however I have told people in the past when I know someone has bought them a gift, as I know they would be embarassed if they didn't buy a gift too.

jellyhead

I have a spare tin of biscuits or chocolates wrapped up with a label on, kept by my bed, so if needs be I can say 'I'll just go and gets your present' then hurriedly write their name on the label

but ... £20 each !! My boys rarely spend more than £5 on a present for a friend. Unless you want to or £20 seems an acceptable amount in your social circle then I don't think you should feel obligated to spend the same amount on their children. Something smaller/cheaper can still create the same feeling.

My youngest gets a present for his best friend - it was best friend's mum who mentioned it (but she did say don't feel obligated to give a present back). At first it felt odd to buy a present for one child and not his brothers, but the way they do it is each of their children can buy a gift for their own best friend. So, I don't need to feel mean for leaving his brothers out because I know they will get something from their own best friends.

Maybe your friends also do this, but their children don't live near their old friends now and yours are their new best friends. perhaps next year they will choose someone from their school instead.

morg_monster

Could you take all 4 of the kids (yours and hers) out to the cinema or something? I know it still costs ££ but it probably won't be as much as £20 each plus they'll appreciate the time you spent taking them. OBv this assumes they are all vaguely similar ages and you can find a suitable film
Also you could say maybe next year instead of buying presents for each others kids we could all have a day out somewhere, doing something you wouldn't normally.

Spendless

I typed a long reply that didn't take. GRRRRRRRR:mad:

In brief- I think they have bought as a thank you as we have been a familiar comforting sight for them in recent months when they've been forced to leave their home abroad as well as being full of practical help and emotional advice for them about the local area (shops/schools etc).

£20 each is way more than I would spend on a friends kids. We do have children we have spent these amount on in the family, mainly cos they are only children and I take into account that their parents buy for 2 when they buy for mine. It's def too much at the minute as I feel buying for other people is coming at the expense of me and DH being able to afford to buy for each other as well as having to reduce what we spend on our own kids.

I am toying with the idea of making their kids a NYE hamper for when they come over and filling with stuff to do that night, like balloons and nibbles and a game for everyone to play. That would get round the problem of starting to buy cos they have cos it's not directly an xmas present back but it is still a gift and hopefully won't cost too much. Tell me if it's a carp idea though I won't take offence - (as long as you word it nicely).:p:rotfl:;)

Spendless

Decision reached. Mr S didn't like the idea of the NYE hamper.:rolleyes: Well, he did but only if I gave it them for Christmas Day Yes I know that makes no sense cos the items I'd have put in totally appropriate for NYE would have looked naff opened xmas day but this is husbands we're talking about and common sense doesn't come into it.:p

Anyway he had the idea - very similar to what 1 or 2 suggested on here to take their kids to a local football match very likely to be in early in the New Year. That suits me it gives time as well as a 'gift' and cos it's not a 'gift wrapped present' I feel it's easier to drop in a subsequent year.