People buying xmas presents when they haven't previously.

Kay_Peel

What an awkward position to be in.

There can only be one reason why you were forewarned about your children's presents - and that was to tie you into a reciprocal arrangement for her own children. In the past when this has happened to me, I have felt very resentful about being manipulated in this way. Depending on how close I am to the family concerned I've reacted in the following ways:

1. Told the person that we will not be available on Christmas Eve, Christmas Day or Boxing Day, but they are quite welcome after that time. Invariably, we will have received some gifts that are (excuse the phrase) "surplus to requirements". We re-wrap them and give them to Mrs. Manipulator's children.

2. Those who call around unannounced, after you've asked them to call on another day, and who smile sweetly and say 'I hope you don't mind but we just wanted to drop off the children's presents' - they get nothing except our gratitude, thanks and a cup of tea if they are lucky. Cheeky beggars.

3. If I feel a bit sorry for Mrs Manipulator - just moved to the area and desperate to find substitute 'aunts' and 'uncles' for her off-spring because her family live so far away, for instance - then I'll go the nearest pound shop and spend no more than a pound on each child.

It sounds harsh but I can't tell you how much I begrudge this tactic from a so-called friend. :mad:

Kazipoo

Hi Spendless, no I try not to tell people in advance that I am buying or making something for them, that way, they get the gift in the way it was intended, however, it doesn't always work out that way, sometimes I do have to ask for example if they like or dislike a particular thing, but I do request the person that I have asked to keep it to themselves as I don't wish the receiver to know or feel obliged to return the favour.

This year for example, I have gifts for my niece and nephew and sister in law, now we haven't exchanged gifts for years and years because there was a falling out between the hubby and his sister. However, this year, due to an unfortunate bereavement (father in law), it has brought us all closer again. The niece and nephew are now late teens/early twenties and it has been lovely getting to know them again, and been great for my kids too, so I wanted to give them a gift just to do something nice and carry on the new found closeness.

I am also making some homemade sweets and truffles for my sister in law, who I regrettably offended earlier in the year, and this is in the hope of a truce or at least offering the olive branch.

I absolutely do not want anything in return for these gifts. I just want them to know that despite everything that has happened in the past, we can move on and leave it in the past.

jellyhead

Hmmm .... sounds like Kay Peel's 3rd option in which case I'd get them something, but I'm a soft touch.

Perhaps they consider you and your children to be their best friends at the moment?

I think I'd class them as being on your husband's side of things, and buy a gift this year but then let him whittle his 'side' down in down for next year.

How much have they spent on yours?

I'd finf it difficult to buy for a 13 year old too. My nephew is getting a sonic the hedgehog t-shirt, but I know he'll like it and I know he is short of T-shirts because he grows so fast. I'll also give him money or a book (from the book people, with free postage code lol!), but it's easier when you know someone well.

We have to buy for husband's godson and it's difficult because I've only met him once and that was 7 years ago! We don't know what books etc. he has, what his interests are, whether a lynx gift set etc. would be considered rubbish because his parents alrealy provide him with all of that, we don't know how rich he is, how much pocket money he gets etc.

There's always something in the firebox catalogue, but if you're scaling down then it would be too expensive, even if you found a free postage code on here.

aliasojo

I know this is supposed to be the season of goodwill but all this would induce in me would be the urge to moan.

I hate feeling like I have to iyswim.

I went through all the options in my head about what I'd like to do but in reality the version I ended up with was buy a gift this time but from around June next year start moaning how skint you are and by the time December comes, it will be no surprise when you broach the 'don't get us and we'll not get you' thing.

I assume you wont really know the other kids well or know what they like or have already got?

If they had ipods, Morrisons are doing a 2 vouchers for £20 promo just now. Play has some decent gadgets for boys and novelty t-shirts depending on how old he is. Some of them start at around £3/£5. Girl will be easier to buy for I think, again depending on age. Also kinda depends on how much they shelled out too.

aliadds

Spendless if you do decide to go down the present route, a couple of ideas for the boy would be Top Trumps for £4, 20Q electronic toy £8 or maybe something from Boots 3 for 2. I think they have an FCUK bodyspray and keyring for £5. Then you could get something for the girl as well plus an extra present and have it delivered free to your local Boots branch! And collect some points:j
HTH

emlou2009

i'd just get something really cheap and say you couldnt afford to go mad cos you dont normally buy presents. then if she's spent lots, she wont next year cos it wont be worth it, she'll know she wont get much in return and hopefully its avoided next year

RoxieW

I'm finding this difficult this year as I've bought little bits for my friends children but they seem to resent it because they 'have' to buy back. It seems like the spirit of giving and receiving gifts has been lost and I'm left wondering if I should have bothered as they seem to view getting a gift as a hassle and inconvenience. They are only token gifts - nothing flashy or expensive. i thought it was the thought that counted but it seems people would rather I didnt bother

Spendless

To answer some questions. I was told what she'd bought. I've looked it up in Argos, it's around £20, but her words were "I've bought Master Spendless a game I've also got one for my two" leaving me unsure if she's got Miss Spendless something completely different or if the item is also for mine to share.

As it happens we already have one Miss Spendless won it in a comp last year.:cool:

One of the reasons I don't know what their kids already have, is they had to pretty much abandon a lot of their belongings which are still abroad in storage and they might get back in new year.

Yes I'm pretty sure they see us as their 'best friends' at the min, mainly cos they are now living so close to us.

Roxie - I suppose your friends get put in the same awkward position as me, I don't want to just take but I didn't really want to get started on the extra person to add to the giving list too -iyswim.

ETA - Unsure when we will see them over xmas, possibly before Xmas Day as the schools break up a week before! Unlikely on xmas Day/ Boxing Day - but will def see them over new year. Don't know if that helps towards my dilemma or not.

Iheart2poundcoins

Many moons ago a neighbour bought me a load of xmas presents and they were given to me on the eve of xmas eve! I had to go out xmas eve and buy their kids a load of presents and i was pretty skint at the time.
I hardly bought for my family at the time never mind starting it with neighbours!!
It makes you feel uncomfortable that you just give in and feel you ave to buy as much back.

Spendless

Mr S has just informed me he's been told the game is for our DS so that's a present each.

I think I'm going to have to go with the buy for this year and sort it out next. Ideas welcome!