How to cope when OH picks friends over you

*Louise*

Give him a taste of his own medicine!

It's all very well him going out with the lads, but when you want a night out together but he deliberately arranges something else, then that is just plain ignorant in my book.

My hubby wouldn't have lasted long if he tried that one. Mind you, I am sooo glad he isn't interested in football or rugby!

I think you need to put our foot down regarding boxing day. Tell him he can have the following day for his mates. If he refuses...well then you kinda know where you stand don't you. Is this the man you want to spend the rest of your life with?

Jo_R_2

I could have (and probably did!) write similar a year or two ago.

My OH used to go out 4/5 times a week. I wasn't in a position to go with him as I have two DDs from a previous relationship so would maybe be able for us to either go out together or me come along once a week.

I too got fed up, we argued a LOT about it once we got more serious. I would explain that it wasn't that I wanted to stop him going out, but that I wouldn't mind him going out so much if I knew we had 'quality time' planned.

My experience told me I had to be blunt to the point of spelling it out word-by-word (LOL!) The times we had an understanding that we would go out one night, or I would meet up with him when he'd already gone out, only for him to make plans with his mates for the same night or tell me he thought I wasn't coming out for dinner so he'd already eaten etc etc...

I would tell him I was 'booking' him for Saturday night and what we were doing, when etc.

Fortunately once our DS was born, he did a complete about-turn and once or twice a week max is his limit now... and tbh I often usher him out of the door so I can have some 'me' time!

Not recommending you have a baby btw, just saying:D

Wickedkitten

Jo_R wrote: »

I could have (and probably did!) write similar a year or two ago.

My OH used to go out 4/5 times a week. I wasn't in a position to go with him as I have two DDs from a previous relationship so would maybe be able for us to either go out together or me come along once a week.

I too got fed up, we argued a LOT about it once we got more serious. I would explain that it wasn't that I wanted to stop him going out, but that I wouldn't mind him going out so much if I knew we had 'quality time' planned.

My experience told me I had to be blunt to the point of spelling it out word-by-word (LOL!) The times we had an understanding that we would go out one night, or I would meet up with him when he'd already gone out, only for him to make plans with his mates for the same night or tell me he thought I wasn't coming out for dinner so he'd already eaten etc etc...

I would tell him I was 'booking' him for Saturday night and what we were doing, when etc.

Fortunately once our DS was born, he did a complete about-turn and once or twice a week max is his limit now... and tbh I often usher him out of the door so I can have some 'me' time!

Not recommending you have a baby btw, just saying:D

That's what I would suggest doing.

RickHoughton

So say he stops going out with his mates, and stops doing something he loves, that keeps him fit. You spend all your spare time together, he gets fat cos he's not doing as much exercise as he used to, then you go off him, and end up splitting up/divorcing.
Not his fault you dont get on with his mates wives or girlfriends!!!

Or was that just me lol??

Ruby_Moon

Some men like their friends and their sports as some women like their bingo and girly nights out. Theres nothing wrong with either.
What you need to do is learn to enjoy your own company and not rely on your OH to provide you with entertainment.
Just because a couple are married doesn't mean they have to do everything together. It doesn't even mean that you have to share in his hobby/pasttime.
You need to find your own pasttime or outside enjoyment. If you don't have many friends then try and make some.
Take up a class or a nightschool course, you might find you love it and then, of course, you have something to occupy you every week.
I don't think that all men are selfish just because they choose to do their own thing some evenings.

Hermia

Ruby_Moon wrote: »

Just because a couple are married doesn't mean they have to do everything together. It doesn't even mean that you have to share in his hobby/pasttime.

I totally agree that people need a life outside the relationship, but the OP said her partner never took her out. I think a couple need to spend quality time together as well as having some "me" time. If a chap never wanted to have a night out with me I'd seriously worry about the relationship. I just worry the relationship would become all about dull home stuff.

I agree with everyone else that you need to make this chap really understand how you feel. You also need to work on building a social life of your own. Perhaps you could enrol on a course or start a bookgroup to meet some different kinds of women from the WAGS of your bloke's mates.

My dad is not British and when he moved to the UK he thought all the men were gay! He couldn't understand why all his work colleagues wanted to spend all their free time with ugly men rather than wonderful women!

mountainofdebt

In response to another thread about a stale relationship, I decided that OH and I would have a 'date night' - we'd go out, all tarted up and we'd be a couple again.

Worked a treat, so much so that I decided that at least one night a month would be marked as date night.

OH must have thought it was a good idea as well as he wanted to know last weekend when date night was this month!

OP - tell your OH that you will be going out as a couple on a specific date and if he plans soemthing else then that gives you a fair idea of how your OH sees your relationship - and only you can decide on the next move.

welshmoneylover

Jo_R wrote: »

I would tell him I was 'booking' him for Saturday night and what we were doing, when etc.

Actually, I did 'book' him the night before to go out, and he still went ahead with his mates anyway cos they phoned up when I was in the middle of getting ready!

Ignorant, yes I think so and I'm having doubts about us being together much longer.

welshmoneylover

mountainofdebt wrote: »

OP - tell your OH that you will be going out as a couple on a specific date and if he plans soemthing else then that gives you a fair idea of how your OH sees your relationship - and only you can decide on the next move.

Hmm, lot of food for thought here. I've been thinking of a solution to this problem today in work, and I've come to the conclusion that he's always been like it but he's just getting worse.

We've argued over it previously and I'm just past caring any longer to be honest.

This to me is a sign that it's time to move on from each other.

*Louise*

welshmoneylover wrote: »

Actually, I did 'book' him the night before to go out, and he still went ahead with his mates anyway cos they phoned up when I was in the middle of getting ready!

I'm interested...how did you react to him doing this??


Why does he think it's okay to treat you so flippantly?