Potentially homeless teenager

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Spoke to mother again tonight - as you may have noticed (or not) from earlier posts, I have been speaking to her. She says that his father has always dealt with him that way, it's a normal way of handling rude children and if he comes back, his father will do it again, this time for running away. Moreover, he's making a fuss about nothing, as it isn't as if his father uses his belt any more.

She suggested that she posted his birth certificate and passport to him.

So - they believe it is normal to physically hurt him for rudeness.

I am quite surprised at how so many people think he must be making it up or must have deserved anything he did get/must go back there now. I am not sure everyone would be saying the same if it were a woman who had been treated like that by her husband. I don't quite understand how, just because it's a boy, it's OK?

I saw his injuries. I would be quite happy not to judge the parents on the basis of what I saw.

I personally would prefer it if 12 people 'decent and true' (or whatever the phrase is) were to be judging his father, as they would if he had done this to any other 16 year old.

But he thinks that no one will believe him - because he's a boy, because he's big, because he must have deserved it, because they'll just say he has ADHD and everyone will assume that he is to blame for it.

Looks like he was probably right.

poet123

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

He was diagnosed with ADHD when he was small, back in Germany (where he is from), and took Ritalin for many years, hating how dozy it made him. He stopped taking it a couple of years ago.

He has his moments of impulsiveness/frustration/etc but he is perfectly well behaved round here - possibly because it is an extremely quiet place,

His parents have had a hard time dealing with it, as his behaviour when he was younger was pretty shocking. .

Your first post (to which I, and others, responded) made no mention of speaking to the parents, nor did your second (until edited). No one is condoning his Father's actions, but on the face of it he ssems to have found an unconditional champion in you. Life is never so black and white, and unless you live with, or deal with, on a daily basis someone who has ADHD, you can have no conception of the pressure or torment it can produce.

I don't think anyone has said he is making it up, rather that the full story is not neccesarily out there, nor the cumulative effect of living with his behaviour every day fully appreciated.

I have emboldened what I believe are the salient points in your first post, and to which most of us (with either personal or professional experience in this field) responded. Those points seem to be glossed over in your subsequent posts, easy to do when you are not at the coalface every day, as you may soon realise.

I feel for this young man, but long term his best bet may be with his blood family, and this may be a hiccup, and something that can be overcome when time has passed.

Support and guide him by all means, but do not try to alienate him further from his family by making judgemental comments to him about them, and try to faciltate healing between them. To do anything else, is to do him a great disservice.

Morgan_Ree

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

.

I am quite surprised at how so many people think he must be making it up or must have deserved anything he did get/must go back there now. I am not sure everyone would be saying the same if it were a woman who had been treated like that by her husband. I don't quite understand how, just because it's a boy, it's OK?

I saw his injuries. I would be quite happy not to judge the parents on the basis of what I saw.

But he thinks that no one will believe him - because he's a boy, because he's big, because he must have deserved it, because they'll just say he has ADHD and everyone will assume that he is to blame for it.

Looks like he was probably right.

From what I've read no-one has suggested he deserved what he got nor that he was making it up

You say you saw his injuries and that he's worried no-one would believe him.
If that's the case why didn't you phone the police?
If a teenager turned up on my door black and blue the first thing I would do is call the police whether he liked it or not

hethmar

You mention him "doing homework" and going to college/university? Thats an incredible achievement if he has serious ADHD. (My son was thrown out of school - we then went on the high court route to get him a school place). Surely his college will have counsellors to help him?


Have to echo others though, if the parents really have beaten him with belts and punches since childhood then may be social services should be involved.

shazrobo

i would have reported the incident to the police, violence is violence at the end of the day.
many times i've wished i had the strength to overpower my ADHD sons, (twins aged 14, 6 feet tall.
many times i've had to involve the police because of they had done to me and the house. the worst of the two was put in resedential school, and initially teachers said what an angel he was, til he felt comfortable there, and lashed out there too. please for your own safety dont assume that all this lad did was say sopmething not nice to his dad. teens are very good at telling the story in their favour.

Ames

I'm not going to get into the moral debate here, just give some factual benefit advice.

Under 25s are expected to live in a shared house, unless they're disabled (there are other exceptions, but this is the relevant one). Does he get DLA? If not, he needs to apply because it will make things much easier with the benefits system. Regardless of what happens in the short term with the immediate situation, at some point he's going to have to live on his own and so it needs addressing. If he's planning to go to uni, he probably wouldn't cope with halls and so needs to start working out how he'll cope then. A flat on his own paid for by LHA seems the best solution to that.

Lobell

Ames wrote: »

I'm not going to get into the moral debate here, just give some factual benefit advice.

Under 25s are expected to live in a shared house, unless they're disabled (there are other exceptions, but this is the relevant one). Does he get DLA? If not, he needs to apply because it will make things much easier with the benefits system. Regardless of what happens in the short term with the immediate situation, at some point he's going to have to live on his own and so it needs addressing. If he's planning to go to uni, he probably wouldn't cope with halls and so needs to start working out how he'll cope then. A flat on his own paid for by LHA seems the best solution to that.

This child isn't simply classed as an under 25 year old, though, He is 16 which makes him a 'vulnerable' young person (regardless of his ADHD/disability) by virtue of his age alone and the responsibility of Social Services.

Yes, he will at some stage have to live on his own but at this stage, he should be placed in accommodation deemed safe and appropriate for a vulnerable young person. This may be a shared or self-contained accommodation dependant upon the result of his Social Services assessment and/or availability of appropriate accommodation in his area. He will be supported to develop the skills for independent living, with a pathway plan in place for movement to independent living in time (or other appropriate supported accommodation). Benefits are neither here nor there at this stage for the OP as Social Services will cover the cost of his placement and ensure he gets all the financial assistance he is entitled to. Which is why it is vital to ge Social Services involved asap, IMO.

jazabelle

Ames wrote: »

I'm not going to get into the moral debate here, just give some factual benefit advice.

Under 25s are expected to live in a shared house, unless they're disabled

Is this a recent law Ames? It's just my friend was made homeless at 16, and was given a small temporary flat for six months, and then a proper permanent flat after that. There was never any mention of shared accomodation.

Our council doesn't have any shared accomodation at all - so probably depends where you live.

Fire_Fox

It wouldn't be council owned shared accommodation, it would simply be a case of getting a room in a privately let property and claiming LHA against the cost. If he rented a flat privately, because of his age this young man would not normally get the full amount of rent in LHA.

Oldernotwiser

Ames wrote: »

I'm not going to get into the moral debate here, just give some factual benefit advice.

Under 25s are expected to live in a shared house, unless they're disabled (there are other exceptions, but this is the relevant one). Does he get DLA? If not, he needs to apply because it will make things much easier with the benefits system. Regardless of what happens in the short term with the immediate situation, at some point he's going to have to live on his own and so it needs addressing. If he's planning to go to uni, he probably wouldn't cope with halls and so needs to start working out how he'll cope then. A flat on his own paid for by LHA seems the best solution to that.

I don't think that any of the information we've been given sounds like this lad would be eligible for DLA. On what grounds were you thinking that he could apply?