Potentially homeless teenager

bestpud

I also think you are taking this boys word as gospel and he, like any other teen out there, will have missed the bits he doesn't want you to know.

You cannot judge how it is for the family based on the time he has spent at your house and, for me, the fact he can behave when he wants, is even more reason for him to try and work it out with his folks. He is clearly able to take other peoples' feelings on board and adapt to different social situations, and that has to be down to the parenting he's had.

Believe me, as nice as he is, there will be another story and the parents are probably reacting out of sheer tiredness/frustration/anger...

I'm not excusing what the father did, but I do doubt the boy only said someting rude. Or, if that was the only thing to trigger that kind of reaction, I really think this family must be at the end of their tether.

Even the most loving parents have a breaking point - in fact it can often be the ones who care most that end up worst off because they try anything and everything until they have nothing left to give.

Families who don't care are more likely to see their children off long before they reach breaking point, or they don't stress about it because, of course, they don't care what happens to their children.

Can you see what I am getting at? I'm not sure I explained that very well...

Get him an air bed for now and see if you can help him set up some family mediation, or something, to help him speak with his family again.

He may never move back in with them but he needs them and you are wrong to try and take over.

Do you have a Foyer in your area? They can often help. http://www.foyer.net/

Morgan_Ree

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

why do people have kids and then do this to them?

Whilst I agree you obviously want to do best by this boy it's so wrong to judge his parents the way you are

I don't for 1 minute agree with what the dad has done but you also couldnt comprehend what this family have been through dealing with a child who has ADHD
Seeing him and his behaviour occasionly is nothing compared to years of it

I totally agree with the other posters who say you need to take a step back
Inform social services as soon as you can

Jowo_2

Have a look at the Connexions, Shelter and crisis websites to understand the support available to a vulnerable and homeless teenager.

Levering the lad into social housing on his own isn't necessarily the panacea you think it is and still doesn't resolve the family breakdown issues, employability, health etc.

My nephew, ever since his early teens when he was taken into care, has always coveted getting a council flat (was obsessed with it, frankly). As far as I can tell, it's done nothing positive for him.

He probably enjoys the independence but its my understanding that he is using drugs, drinking heavily, working cash in hand intermittently and is often without power because his budgeting is so poor that he prioritises strong lager and his mobile phone over payments of bills. In addition, his 'friends' (if you can call them that) simply exploit him and use his flat to hang out away from their parents.

blueotter

Jowo wrote: »

As far as I can tell, it's done nothing positive for him.

its my understanding that he is using drugs, drinking heavily, working cash in hand intermittently and is often without power because his budgeting is so poor

Think perhaps you'd be better off giving this advice to your nephew rather than broadcast it on an internet chat room.......surely that would be more positive for him.

Snakeeyes21

Why make a big thing out of the fact he has ADHD?

when I was younger you were just known as a hyper little s*it :rotfl: well I was untill I was diagnosed with it, happy days, then I could get away with it because I had this 'problem', I think people are too fast to label people and assume that what they have is the reason why they are like they are.

From my personal experience, which is scarily similar to this, you dont want this in your home, he may seem polite and friendly at the moment (isnt everybody when their with their girlfriends parents) but if he gets settled in itll all start.

You would be better off trying to get him to sort things out with his parents or help him get in touch with the relevant people who can get him a room in a hostel or B&B.

Oldernotwiser

blueotter wrote: »

Think perhaps you'd be better off giving this advice to your nephew rather than broadcast it on an internet chat room.......surely that would be more positive for him.

Sorry to disillusion you but this isn't a chat room.

Lobell

The duty of care for homeless young people lies with Social services so that should be your first stop. If returning home is not a realistic option then an assessment (under the Common Assessment Framework) needs to be instigated as soon as possible This will establish his accommodation/health/education/familial etc needs and what financial assistance he is entitled to.

paulwellerfan

get in touch with http://www.foyer.net/
they should be able to at least put him on there waiting list
however its not direct access accomodation so he may have to wait a few weeks until they have a place free for him.
as correctly stated by the above poster social services should be able to assess his needs and if deemed ness accomodate him under section 20 of the children act 1989

hethmar

Have to agree, its very very different looking from the outside. We went through a living hell with our son from the time he was a toddler and I can assure you there are different levels of ADHD. We arent talking about someone happily rushing about but someone constantly angry and threatening and doing many things I shant put on here. But suffice to say with anyone outside the family (except at school) he went for the sympathy vote, how cruel his father was, how we never really wanted him, how his brother was our favourite and got everything.

My life in particular was 24/7 devoted to this son (to the detriment of the other "favourite"!) and yet I was physically harmed on several occasions, in one case needing hospitalisation. I think you will find once he feels secure at your home you will begin to see a different side of him. Im sure it wont be to the extent his parents have seen but he will change.

Connexions is a good place to start. Our son disappeared when he was 16 - after informing the police and spending 3 weeks of traipsing the city streets showing people photos of him, we found him shacked up in a flat with several people - he wasnt apologetic about the worry he had given us, in fact he couldnt see why we were worrying at all and just asked us for money.

Thank god things do improve as these children get older and whilst they still seem very immature for their ages their behaviour becomes more acceptable and they begin to understand how their behaviour effects others. We now have a reasonable relationship with him and there are times when we even feel close - something we never had before.

But please dont judge his parents - you cant imagine what they may have been through.

Vader123

I just want to echo what everyone else has said.

Jojo, you seem a nice person with a warm heart, but you are not helping.

Instead of looking at the benefit entitlement , ie

Has anyone had any experience of teenagers with additional needs being housed by the council?

Can I suggest you help the family as a "go-between".

Vader