How can I meet 'the one'

dieselhead

I know this topic comes up every now and again on here.

I'm 26 single (have been for a couple of years) have a reasonably good job studying part time so don't have a great deal of time. I'm fed up of being lonely, my friends have sort of dissapeared getting engaged married starting families, and so don't really get out much.

I'm desperate for a relationship, would love to embark on the whole marriage kids thing, although don't worry I don't go broadcasting this don't want the men to run away even faster!

My hobbies are running Brownies (all women) and uni.

I have tried the internet dating thing for a few months and silly as it sounds I never actually met any of the men, I would email them for a bit, find fault, (probably way too easily) and that would be that, no-one ever jumped out at me. At the moment I just can't afford to sign up again. Did I mention that I'm a bit strapped for cash!

Problem is all my friend seemed to just happen upon their men, one met her fianc! in a bar, another at work, another at uni, it just seems to be a matter of being in the right place at the right time.

Arrrgggghhhhh I think I'm going to wind up a lonely spinster forever.

BitterAndTwisted

The irony is that once you stop looking you practically fall over men wanting to date you. Or maybe they've been there all along but your eyes weren't open. Well, that's what I've found, in any case.

Perhaps it's matter of attitude or expectations and maybe it's better to look at men as potential friends rather than always seeing them as potential mates. I've formed lovely relationships with men who I would never have picked out in a crowd as a date, they just grew on me once I'd got to know them a lot better

Paparika

Don't be desperate for a relationship... means one thing disaster.

It'll happen, stop thinking about it.
Bitterandtwisted hit it on the nail.

attitude and expectations, see men as friends first and let things happen natrually, never force something

Kay_Peel

Have you made any sort of social life through your University? It sounds like you could do with some fun in your life. Surely the University has a society or a group that would appeal to you.

I nearly dropped through the floor when my daughter, a mature student, told me that she had joined the Uni's Scuba Diving Club. She explained that she hadn't gone mad but had noticed that there were only a couple of girls and a LOAD of hunky lads having a lot of fun and weekends away. She also went to receptions and events held by the Post-Graduates, who were more of her age (26) and who welcomed mature students.

Her most successful forays onto the dating scene came when she volunteered to work in the charity shop near to the University. Funny old world.

LJM

stop looking and thinking about it and it will happen,corny but true

SailorSam

If all that is putting you off the Internet dating again is the money, sign up to one of the free ones.

claireac

I was totally "off" men after a couple of really dodgy/rubbish boyfriends - then I met my dh!! Stop looking, I'm sure men can sense if you're looking for a relationship and take advantage lol.

Look for friendship first rather than a relationship. I think you should be looking for ways to meet a wider circle of friends first.

Zazen999

dieselhead wrote: »

I'm desperate for a relationship, would love to embark on the whole marriage kids thing, although don't worry I don't go broadcasting this don't want the men to run away even faster!

Unfortunately, the more desperate you feel the further it seems that you are from a proper relationship - it's the inverse square law.

From my experience, all the years that I was desperate it never happened, or it happened badly. After a while of being single and just enjoying life, I met Mr Right...on a free dating website. He was obviously as tight as I am :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

starbump

dieselhead wrote: »

Problem is all my friend seemed to just happen upon their men, one met her fianc! in a bar, another at work, another at uni, it just seems to be a matter of being in the right place at the right time.

You said it already! "Right place... right time." So long as you don't spend all your time holed up indoors at home then you will meet Mr Right eventually.

Btw, personally I disagree with the whole "friends" thing that various people suggest (not just on this thread) because I would never, ever date a friend. To me, friends are forever but boyfriends come and go - until you meet Mr Right of course!

cakeordeath_2

Could you do your home studying in the Uni & local libraries or internet cafes? You'd probably start seeing regular faces then, you want to be making male and female friends so that you can get 'out there' a bit more. Being desparate for a relationship is like having a big neon sign over your head, you'll have half the guys running for the hills, having an agenda sucks all the fun out of an early relationship. Relax and concentrate on widening your circle of friends, I bet some guy will just plop into your lap as soon as you start enjoying being young, free and single.

Dave101t

my story is similar, but with a real conclusion so may help you:

i was alone so looking for friends only, (as you will never find the one when looking for them as someone pointed out), but lo and behold, on an internet personals site (yahoo personals) i was talking to someone, met up for cinema/meals etc which became friends and now we have been married for 2 months! we met 3 1/2 years ago when i was 23-24.

i knew that although to go looking wont reap rewards, to do nothing would mean i never meet anyone as i dont hang in the usual social circles so i bit the bullet and paid for a 3 month subscription. its the 1st time i paid money to such a site and there were alot of coincidences that came together for us to find eachother, we were very lucky.
now ive told you, maybe i can pass some luck on!

cake or death is right, you need to get out there, whatever works for you, whatever your interests, join a club or society.