finding friends

cantcope

Miroslav wrote:

Okay I've done this to get to know people better........i'll answer if I get enough people replying..........it's all positive, no negativity

Favourite:

Music Artist(s): Bon Jovi, Phil Collins, Will Young
Sportsman/woman(s): dont have one
TV Programme(s): Home and Away, Fat friends, Bad Girls
Country (ies), other than your own Country: Ireland
Comedian(s): Lee Evans, Jo Brand, French and Saunders
Animal(s): Rabbits, Giraffes
Time Of Year: Summer
Current Song(s): Everybody's going to war
Food(s): chicken, chocolate
Way(s) of relaxing: sleeping, laying in a nice pool somewhere (in my dreams)
Cake(s): chocolate chocolate chocolate
Drink(s): vodka and diet coke, baileys, vimto

Morning all. Off to work soon, don't know what i've been doing in my sleep but my left knee is all swollen and i am walking like my knee isn't there

Looks like its going to be nice and hot again so i can sweat in my non air conditioned office all day. how lovely.

Hope you all have a good day. Those who aren't at work, Enjoy the sunshine

ukbadger_2

Ok - very quick background.

My mum is a total drama queen, basically my childhood was dominated by her being 'bad with her nerves' and she is just the same today. I know she has had a lot of worry about me with failed relationships, mc's, and my health problems but any problem I have seems to be become ten times more of a problem for her. I hated her growing up - and I mean that. my grandmother brought me up and when she died when I was 15 I told her that as far as I was concerned my mum was dead. Well our relationship has improved in recent years but I still keep her at arms length and now it seems that a vicious circle has developed in that if I confide in her about any lows I have she just totally over-reacts.

Yesterday she called around 2pm and asked what I was doing - I said I was still in my dressing gown and had a lazy morning reading the papers in bed (scandalous) , she comes out with her favourite line "how are you feeling in yourself" which I absolutely hate !! So I goes ... I hate it when you ask me that (which she knows) and she says fine I will call you another day and hangs up.

So I called her this morning and I get all the usual sh*t from her - I haven't slept all night , I can't cope with the worry, I'm on rock bottom, not sure how much more I can take of this and I'm like what on earth are you on ?? In her head me being in my dressing gown yesterday apparently ,means that I am on the brink of suicide. I pointed out that again she is being a drama queeen and that I was fine (which I was pre ex text) so she's now - oh it's all my fault as usual and starts crying.

She is doing my head in !!!!!!! I've been doing ok I think , found a great new job (she is worried about my having to drive on the motorway in winter, worried I won't be able to do new job, worried I will get 'caught short' on way to work with Crohn's ,worried I am leaving my friends at work here etc etc) Found a new friend (worried about me going out too much, worried about me drinking too much) My health is ok (worries about my bowel exploding, worries about bowel cancer, worries about the future) I am getting over ex and the miscarriages (worries about me getting too old for children, worries that I won't meet anyone else, worries that I will get involved too soon.)

Give me strength Hx

ms_london

UKbadger - I know where you are coming from. After an attempted suicide last year, if I dont respond to mums texts/phonecalls almost immediately she worries. I do feel as though she worries over the slightest things, but I cant blame her - and parents will worry whatever you get up to!! She is probably finding it hard to cope with herself and perhaps doesnt know how to handle the situation and if you're anything like me whatever they do may not be good enough depending on your mood!! Big hugs though, I hope things ease off soon, it must be tough. I suppose I am lucky in that although they worry, they dont interfere & pretty much let me get on with things!!

xx

wannabe

UKB I completely feel for you and my heart goes out because I know where you are coming from. I truly believe that they do care but are useless in the way they show it because when you are on the receiving end of it it will drive you demented what they don't see is how it affects us. I guess in a way they are a little selfish in that they see how your life, illness is affecting them. Perhaps she sees you as 'too strong'??
Does it make any difference if you try to talk to her or is it a waste of time?
Good luck what ever you do and know that we are here for you, use us to sound off, you will need to.
xx

ukbadger_2

I had some counselling through relate last year and we talked about this ongoing thing with my Mum and the woman I saw said exactly that to me - that my Mum can't understand how I have been able to cope with everything that has happened without cracking up - I have tried on many occasions to get it through to her that I am stronger than her but it's like a clock ticking as to when her next drama queen moment will be !

Sometimes I think she would be happier to see me have a nervous breakdown and then she'd be proved right !

Once many years ago I wrote in a diary (this was not long after my gran died so I would have been 15 ) that I hated her and that I would be better off dead. She read my diary (which is unforgiveable in itself) and saw this - as far as I know this is the only thread she can clutch to in terms of suicidal thoughts and there was no real intent.

KathrynPenguin

And the results from the Basildon Jury

Favourite:

Music Artist(s) - The Jam, Musicals in general, any 80's
Sportsman/woman(s)- Lance Armstrong, David Coulthard
TV Programme(s) - Top Gear, Neighbors, Home & Away, Eastenders
Country (ies), Canada, Australia
Comedian(s) Jasper Carrot
Animal(s) Penguins!
Time Of Year Winter
Current Song(s)One life by U2 cos I have to learn a huge flippin chunk of it for a concert on Thursday
Food(s)Italian, Goats Cheese, Strawberries, Tomatoes
Way(s) of relaxing Surfin the net, playing poker
Cake(s)Rasberru cream ones
Drink(s)Rasberry Frappucino, Peppermint Latte, Cranberry juice

Careful_girl

I totally understand. I find parents have to be trained!! :mad: When I most need my mum she drops me like stone (lets forget Dad in all this he is worse). I have learned never to rely on them. I think that is why I deal wth everything at home as I don't trust anyone to be able to function when I need them. My Mum was lovely last week-you need to get your work done and get your strength up and decide whether to buy the house. Then as the days have gone on I can tell that she has had enough of me and wanted OH over!! When dicussing me leaving him she seems dead against it.
Your Mum as you say finds coping hard and to a gertain extent she is supporting you the best way she can. But you don't want her up all night you need to say lets go for a picnic or shopping and buy you something nice. You want her to pop round and say I thought I'd come and keep you company shall I do the ironing?:j
However people rarely do what you would hope and it is our job to try to accept them as they are and find the best way of dealing with them. I remember you didn't tell her for a while and you did the right thing. I would be very careful about what you tell her but if you want the ironing done or the picnic suggest it.
Just some thoughts; and I don't know you both and hope none of that is in anyway offensive to you. Wish you could come round here and we could open a bottle of wine have a good heart to heart and then laugh at BB or something as mindless!!
Really sorry you have has the extra hassle.
Lots of hugs,
CG.:beer:

roversbabe

Hi all,

Not posted for a little while, hope everyone is well.

Miroslav, you sound like such a lovely bloke and I really hope you find a partner who appreciates your qualities.

Great questions, here goes!

Miroslav wrote:

Favourite:

Music Artist(s) - Green Day, Nightwish, Evanescence, Metallica, Linkin Park. I like anything from trance to heavy metal, don't like R&B tho.
Sportsman/woman(s) - tough one, I'll get back to this one
TV Programme(s) - I'm a sad case and love BB at the moment.
Country (ies), other than your own Country - Scotland, possibly the most beautiful place I've ever visited.
Comedian(s) - Peter Kay, Bill Bailey and a few others who's names I've forgotten
Animal(s) - My lovely cats
Time Of Year - Summer, I'm loving the nice weather
Current Song(s) - I wish I was a punk rocker, Sandi Thom. Makes the hairs stand up on the back of my neck.
Food(s) - Salt & vinegar crisps and white magnums (am pregnant so thats my excuse)
Way(s) of relaxing - Tai Chi & singing my head off
Cake(s) - my home made banana bread
Drink(s) - ice cold water at the moment - love white wine too

UKB - big hugs to you. Hope you get things sorted.

rb x

KathrynPenguin

Sorry to come in and rant but I have to tell someone. OH came round tonight and after about 5 mins was being a total s***. I told him I didn't want him to be like this in front of DS and he just gave me more abuse because he didn't give a f***. DS was standing right there listening to all of this, then he puts his top on (common git takes it off and puts it over the back of the sofa when he comes in) and storms off, stopping only to tell me that he wont be looking after DS tomorrow so F*** you (Tuesday is the only day he looks after him and he knows it was too late for me to make any arrangements). :mad:

I have texted him and told him in future I will not be asking him to look after DS at all as he only holds it over me. With 3 weeks to go till the end of term I can probably manage, I will see if nursery can take him tomorrow and next week and if not I will take him in tomorrow and ask Mum next week (Don't want to ask her for tomorrow as she does enough for us). I teach 1 lesson tomorrow so can manage with him there and then leave after that lesson as there is little point in trying to do office work with a toddler who won't sit still for 5 mins. Next week I can't take him in as there is an induction day and I'm teaching year 6 pupils all day. Following week is sports day and I'm not keen anyway, certainly not paying £35 to put him in nursery so I can sit on a field and roast!:rolleyes:

Oh and in amongst all the texts OH has sent me he told me there is someone else who wants him. Surprised he thinks I'm still bothered about that!

As soon as I posted he phoned and said to drop DS off at his Mums as usual in the morning. I will but will deffo make alternative arrangments for next week. I just can't put up with him holding this over me any more. I will also arrange a child minder for when DS starts school (part time till easter :mad:) in Sept mind you the additional cost of a child minder was what stopped me sending him to a private school, if I have to pay this to send him to the school round the corner I might just reconsider. Anyone know what they cost for before school and all afternoon? And will they take him term time only or will I have to pay for holidays too?

Careful_girl

Do we all collect these horrible OHs? KP he is horrid and is missing out on his son. I am meant to be working but I send you lots of love and agree he is a prat. I would look after your son fot you but tis too far.
Just to make everyone laugh I had more ill children today. Not even from my class just supporting the young teacher from nextdoor. Lets just say even though it was home time I had to deal with it when he said "But it's running down my leg!!" Bless. I had spent the whole day keeping my own class well with constant drinks and keeping them cool. They were fine!!!
Gone!!
CG:rolleyes: