Arrangements for children with ex over Christmas?

SingleSue

My children will see their father at the beginning of December, hopefully for more than a couple of hours!

He likes to be selfish on his days off.

DeeDee74

i normaly have the kids xmas day till after dinner. then ex will pick them up and bring them bk some time boxing day.
i alway's have them new year.
we are having a different arrangement this year.

pinkie_pie

I have (the last couple of years) had the kids Christmas eve/christmas day till 1pm, then ex has them from 1pm christmas day for a few days. Then I get them back for a couple, and then we take NYE in turns.

However I'm torn, I always wanted Christmas Eve as I love the bedtime/wakeup/stockings/excitement part but I've realised it feels like I'm holding my breath waiting for the moment they have to leave if that makes sense. Like I can't relax because I know they have to go. Plus I always cry when they do

So I have asked ex if next year (2010) we can swap. He got very short and shirty, I think he knows full well he has the better deal...

kirstle99

Well, speaking from the child's point of view I can tell you what happened to me. I was 11 and my brother was 9 when my dad left (he shacked up with the woman he cheated on my mum with and then later married her and had a little boy with her, now 7).
My dad never bothered with christmas. The most we got was maybe 30 mins in the car opening our prsents on christmas day/boxing day, sometimes we didn't see him at all. It never harmed me or my brother - we were obviously disappointed not to see him but my mum made it so fun at christmas that we didn't think about it too much.

Fast forward a few years and my dad's wife has now left him and guess what - he's started feeling lonely! They split the care 50/50 between him & his mother (i know!) so I guess they are doing the same at xmas, the cherry on the top this year was my dad phoning up my mother and asking if we all wanted to go down for xmas dinner! Lol!

The point I am trying to make is that christmas is what you make of it - the children will be fine as long as they know they are in a place with people who love them.

hth

cloverfan

this is my first xmas as a single mum. also my dad passed away 4 weeks ago and i am dreading xmas this year. my ex has never had the kids since we split early this year. he will only visit them at my house and is coming over xmas day. he ruined a fair few xmases in the past including sloping off back to bed half way through watching the kids open prezzies coz he was still tired:mad::mad: so i am interested in seeing how he behaves this year. this xmas will set the bench mark for how the rest of our xmases will be dealt with.

also must quickly say his face was a pic when he asked what we were getting them this year and i replied i hadnt decided what i was getting them what was he getting them??:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:apparently he thought he would just add his name to mine as b4 the presents came from both of us!!! I said i would if he gave me half the money BEFORE xmas!!

sparklewing

I'm a stepmum, my H has a 3 year old and split with her mum before she was born. The first 2 years we went round on Christmas day and gave her presents but this year she has moved 400 miles away (her mum has remarried and had another baby) so H is going to visit tomorrow to give her all her presents and spend the day with her. It's been a bit of an epic arranging task as he doesn't drive and couldn't get the train with what appears to be the entire contents of Toys R Us :rotfl:but now his parents are driving down with him.

He's gutted he hardly sees her now (h works 6 days a week and struggles to get time off) but he phones her every night and when she's a bit older it'll be better because she'll be able to come up here too (she's still too clingy with her mum to be separated for her overnight).

We're very very lucky because we are all (me H. the Ex and her H) on very good terms with each other.

mums_got_no_pennies

i split with ex about 6 months ago,we have a 2 year old and 4 month baby.he has had them away from the house about 6 times since he left.2 weeks ago xmas was mentioned and he actually thought he would be spending it with us.he says that if hes not here they will have nothing to open xmas morning,little does he know i have done wonders thanks to this site and they will be very happy with what i have managed to buy so far.every time he has bought them a present he has text me to tell me the price,thats his excuse for not being able to support kids at the moment.i also have a 12 year old from previous relationship and they never really got on ,i have had to buy my sons xmas and birthday presents from my own money even when we were together,so i know he hasnt bought him anything and dont want the fact that hes gone overboard on his 2 shoved in oldests face.why does he want to make a fuss just because its xmas.kids are for life not just christmas.i dont think he deserves to spend the day with us.boxing days not good for him its usually family day in the pub then sleep all night.should i stick to my guns or give in for kids sake? .am i just acting like a bitter ex ?

svjenni

I don't usually give advice on threads like this - I have no kids

6 months is hardly any time, your reasons are valid for not wanting him there. If you really don't want to say an outright no - then perhaps an allocated time slot is more appropriate than the whole day with you.

It sounds like the consequences of your split have not hit home here - why would he "assume" you are spending it together??

whitewing

mums_got_no_pennies wrote: »

i split with ex about 6 months ago,we have a 2 year old and 4 month baby.he has had them away from the house about 6 times since he left.2 weeks ago xmas was mentioned and he actually thought he would be spending it with us.he says that if hes not here they will have nothing to open xmas morning,little does he know i have done wonders thanks to this site and they will be very happy with what i have managed to buy so far.every time he has bought them a present he has text me to tell me the price,thats his excuse for not being able to support kids at the moment.i also have a 12 year old from previous relationship and they never really got on ,i have had to buy my sons xmas and birthday presents from my own money even when we were together,so i know he hasnt bought him anything and dont want the fact that hes gone overboard on his 2 shoved in oldests face.why does he want to make a fuss just because its xmas.kids are for life not just christmas.i dont think he deserves to spend the day with us.boxing days not good for him its usually family day in the pub then sleep all night.should i stick to my guns or give in for kids sake? .am i just acting like a bitter ex ?

Based purely on the info in this post, the fact that the little ones are so young, and the oldest is 12, I would say keep this year's xmas day ex-free if possible. The oldest child this year, purely because of his age, is the most important in my opinion, and his happiness is paramount (and I don't agree with asking him what he thinks as he'll say anything to keep you happy).

I emphasize that this is for this particular post only; I wouldn't usually suggest that an ex doesn't have xmas day contact (although my DS' dad has not had DS for the past 11 years on xmas day but that is another story).