Arrangements for children with ex over Christmas?

JBD

My ex actually will spend the day at our house. Last year he got here about 8 o'clock and left at about 6 in the evening . So it's best behaviour from me. I did get a tiny bit irritated with him at 1 point but on the whole it went OK. So we will do the same thing again this year, it's all for the kids benefit.

tanith

I take my hat off to those of you who manage an amicable arrangement in separated families... it can't be easy for anyone, and as for both spending the day together and being able to 'zip it' for a whole day for the sake of the children well thats above and beyond :T

purplegirluk1

This is mt first christmas as a single mum, me and ds are having christmas lunch at my parents. I have invited ex to come over on christmas morning and open ds's presents with us, then i have suggested he can take ds to grannies for a few hours and bring him back by lunch. It would be nice if my ex actually thought about anything, he hadn't even given christmas a thought. This is the plan so far, I bet it changes before christmas!

nickyhutch

My DS is 15 now so he picks and chooses what and when he wants to do, but we've alternated in the past - he was with me one year, and Dad the next.

I do think it's unfair to be dragging them here, there and everywhere over Christmas - pick a plan and stick with it. It's my feeling that whereever they are for Christmas Day, they stay there. I remember as a kid opening my presents then being dragged off somewhere else (without my presents!) just to satisfy this "we must all see the children on Christmas Day" mentality. Christmas is a festive period, so it can stretch into a few days for the purpose of visits. It doesn't all have to revolve round that one day. Let your kids enjoy the day wherever they are.

Becles

Jo_R wrote: »

I was just wondering what sort of arrangements separated parents have for their children over the Christmas period?

Mine chooses not to see them at Christmas or New Year as they interfere with his drinking and partying too much :rolleyes:

He normally takes them out for a couple of hours on the 27th/28th-ish. He takes them to the shops to pick their present in the sales, and then takes them to McD's or Pizza Hut.

The boys think it's crap, and would prefer to see him with wrapped gifts on Christmas Day, but it's much too inconvenient for him to do that :rolleyes:

Apricot

I cannot understand these parents who don't want to see their children over christmas. My dad lived a 45 min car journey away when I was little and he used to leave my presents at his aunties house (round the corner from me) and he used to ride his bike down on xmas morning (he didn't drive). He would usually arrive at about 10 and stay until about 12.30 and my mum and stepdad were perfectly happy about this. He always brought a present for my younger sister as he didn't want her to feel left out and when my step brothers and sisters stayed with us one christmas he brought them small presents too.

Once I was about 15 we changed the tradition and I always went to his house on christmas eve (still do) and opened all my presents in front of him - he used to make me sing a song for each present!!! But my mum always understood that he would want to be around to see me open my presents and so it was never a problem.

Boxing day we always went to my sisters dads family to get presents from them (they have known me since I was one so always treated me the same) - I always thought all people loved having their families around them at xmas.

marshmallows

my husband and his x alternate xmas

that way the kids arent being moved halfway through the day

hubby always has them NYE as there are always family parties

icklejulez

Hi I think we are the same person lol apart from the fact my DS has just turned 4 recently. My daughter will be 6 in december.

I split up with my ex about 2 years ago and he has been seeing the kids from friday evening till sunday evening every other weekend however his weekend falls on the weekend of xmas day. However as I walk full time and the kids have so many weeks off school I made an arrangement this year with him in January that if he helped out for as many weeks as he could over the summer and a week at easter then I would allow him to pick the kids up at about 1:30 rather than 5 on xmas day.

If he was to have the kids at 5 they would be tired and grumpy by the time they got there and this way i get to spend the morning with the kids which to me is the most magical time. As he left this family for another women he made the choice that he would miss out on things like this in my opinion. But he will then get the kids for 2 1/2 days so I think in a way he's lucky and I get a break.

On the other hand he has made it clear that he will never be able to have the kids on NYE as his job makes him work it (this is his excuse for most nights out too) and so in a way it means I will always have the kids and wont be able to go out with my boyfriend.

I think every family is different. As much as your ex hasn't jumped up to have the kids, they still have you and when they grow up it will be xmas's with you that they remember. They will respect you for that and will come to understand it one day. Before you know it they will of grown up and xmas's will go back to being pretty boring.

However either way I hope you and your family have a lovely xmas, it really is the ideal age for both your kids to enjoy it!

icklejulez

princessleah_ wrote: »

I cannot understand these parents who don't want to see their children over christmas. My dad lived a 45 min car journey away when I was little and he used to leave my presents at his aunties house (round the corner from me) and he used to ride his bike down on xmas morning (he didn't drive). He would usually arrive at about 10 and stay until about 12.30 and my mum and stepdad were perfectly happy about this. He always brought a present for my younger sister as he didn't want her to feel left out and when my step brothers and sisters stayed with us one christmas he brought them small presents too.

Once I was about 15 we changed the tradition and I always went to his house on christmas eve (still do) and opened all my presents in front of him - he used to make me sing a song for each present!!! But my mum always understood that he would want to be around to see me open my presents and so it was never a problem.

Boxing day we always went to my sisters dads family to get presents from them (they have known me since I was one so always treated me the same) - I always thought all people loved having their families around them at xmas.

That was so nice of your dad :T I wish all men were like that. I really worry about having another child with my boyfriend for I dont want any of the children feeling left out.

liney

He hasnt botherd to make exra arrangments for the last 2 years so i don't know why you thought he'd change this year. Perhaps it would be better th divert the children's attention from this.

I would be concered that he'd be expecting me to give up the entirety of Christmas with my children when this comes around again, but lands on his weekend, and would be making it clear now that that isn't going to be happening. That in it's self might prompt him to make some alternative arrangments.