Arrangements for children with ex over Christmas?

JBD

tanith wrote: »

I take my hat off to those of you who manage an amicable arrangement in separated families... it can't be easy for anyone, and as for both spending the day together and being able to 'zip it' for a whole day for the sake of the children well thats above and beyond :T

It doesn't really bother me TBH. I don't have a partner and neither does he[at the moment] so I guess we just concentrate on giving the kids a good day. We also both recently lost our Mums so it is a little bit sad for us both. Even though I don't like him much I still wouldn't leave him sitting indoors alone on Xmas day.

miamoo

My 2 have always gone to their dads on Christmas day afternoon sleep over and come back boxing day night. Sometimes depending on what day christmas falls he will have them an extra day if he is off work.
They go to their dads every weekend anyway so if Christmas falls in the week he still has them at the weekend. They are 16 and 13 and this has worked well for us for the last 10 years (OMG 10 years, its flown by!)

SuzySu

For the past 7 years my children have spent Xmas Eve with me and my partner and we make it just like Xmas Day. We wake them up by candlelight singing "we wish you...." and then it's downstairs for presents and hot chocolate by the fire. We keep them until the evening and do the full Xmas lunch etc and then take them over to their Dad's and he has them Xmas Day. Then depending on whose week it is to have them, they will either come back to us or stay with him for New Year.

This has worked very well since we separated and there's no confusion over whose turn it is to have them. They are now 18, 16 and 15 and love the arrangement. As long as they have stability and know they are loved then it will work.

alm721

My brother has his little girl for various times over christmas. This year he's not geting her until boxing day but tbh it was his choice not to ask as he knows her mum is currently single and quite down at the minute, she also has no family around her so he feels its unfair to take his dd when mum is then left by herself for xmas day. If things were different though he would be having her for some part of christmas. I really don't understand these men who don't seem to want to make the effort to see their kids. If I wasn't with hubby he would be camped on my doorstep at xmas in order to see the kids, surely this is how it should be!

ariarnia

I don't know how they arranged it, but I wasn't at either parents for Christmas as they couldn't stand to even see each other for most of my early life.

They arranged it so mum would take me on boxing day to her mothers and we would both spend the night there. On Christmas after a full Christmas lunch, about 1pm, mum would go home and I would be collected from my nan's by my dad and taken to my other nan's where I would have a Christmas dinner and spend boxing day.

many presents and much food (I always had to make sure I had light meals or dad's mum would sulk I didn't want dinner):rolleyes:

MrsE_2

Jo_R wrote: »

Is it normal - maybe I'm wrong but I just assumed NRPs with regular contact would *want* to spend extra time with their kids when they can?

I think you are really lucky:D

My ex had my DD (22 now) once for xmas day & it was my worst xmasday ever:(

This way you get them all xmas & a baby sitter NYE:T

nuttyrockeress

I am the SM here. I have a SS who is 15, his dad and I have been together since DSS was 2.5. In all these years I think that we have DSS twice on Christmas day. His mum always says that it's her turn as we had him the previous year.............

We have (apart from the 2 years where DSS stayed with us on Christmas Eve) always picked DSS up on Boxing day with the exception of 2005 where my dear dad passed away.

We still don't have DSS on Christmas day and Dh always collects him on Boxing day and usually has him through to at least New Years (although the last 2 years DSS chose to stay at his mum's due to parties etc)

I always felt for DH when his ex used to be like she was. He was between a rock and a hard place as she wouldn't budge that DSS had spent the previous year with us when he used to say to her mummy I was with you last year......

Jo_R_2

I know I'm quite lucky to be able to have the girls Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, it's just how I prefer it anyway - I suspect this is the way it will be, but if he ever did ask, I'd be very pleased and more than happy for them to go to his for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day.

He's actually a lot better generally than he used to be in terms of keeping to arrangements, but as I said, he seems happy as long as arrangements on the whole fit into their designated 'slots.' I hadn't actually thought of what would happen if his weekend fell over Christmas Day as has been mentioned...

I shouldn't keep hoping he'll do any more than he does because he rarely does, which is a shame, not least for DDs who (particularly DD1) would love to see him more. Plus would be nice to have a breather every now and again over the hols but that's asking him for a bit too much:rolleyes:

Jinx

My dd always stays with her dad on Xmas Eve so she can open her presents there and then he brings her home around 12ish. He stays while she opens her presents from my side then goes home so I have her Christmas day afternoon and boxing day. (it did take some time before we could be in the same room on xmas day however, maybe 2-3 years after we divorced)

Each New Years Eve was arranged in advance, some years I had her and some not....

I think the key is to arrange in advance and explain the arrangements to the child so they know what to expect ....

Peanuckle

We came to an agreement with my DH's ex when stepson was small (he's 10 now) to alternate who has him for Christmas day. It's our turn this year and we'll take him back to his mum on boxing day. We usually have him on New Year's eve as well mainly as we don't go out (we've 3 other children) and if we have him then she can go out and have some fun. That might change this year as her other half is taking part in a parade and SS would like to watch, not sure yet whether he'll stay with mum or if we'll take the others over and watch together.

As far as possible we've kept things as amicable as possible, SS sees us a one big family, the only drawback is he can't understand why the others aren't excited about having a new brother/sister (his mum is expecting). I suspect we'll offer to babysit when the little one arrives though