Fathers rights when mother dies - HELP

BitterAndTwisted

He was dealing with the final illness, death and funeral service of his wife, so it was his decision unfortunately, As Oldernotwiser said people feel differently. Perhaps step-dad believed he was protecting his step-daughter from suffering.

mummy_Jay

How about offering to take both DD and step bro, for an evening or two to help out. Show this man that you are there to support the whole family not just DD.

I think at such a time to go in all guns blassing to move DD back with you would be a huge mistake, you will put his back up and end up with one hell of a fight. After a loss we fight harder to keep those we have left close.

This man is DD's brothers father, you need to be his friend, not act in a way that he fells you are ganging up on him or tthreatening his family at a time of loss. Why not offer things like all of you including him go out for a day and having everyone over at xmas. He's going to need support, if your the ones doing it, you will be protecting your DD and her best interests, as well as her relationship with her brother.

The more you and this man don't get on right now, the more you pull your DD in two different directions the more damage you will do to HER. She has enough to deal with right now, let her try and cope, let her life get back to normal, keep routine and be there for her but don't start putting her in the middle of a tug of war.

As for his treatment of her mothers death, I'm sorry but some people are like that, I know my dad would be, the just think they are protecting the child as they know no better. Just because you looked at the help websites doesn't mean he was in a state to at the time adn maybe just whent with his gut on what he thought was protecting the children.

DX2

tootie wrote: »

Need to know what ours and his rights are.

When the Deceased Parent is the Stepparent’s Spouse

Legally, stepparents do not have automatic rights to their stepchildren, so if their spouse were to die, they may lose contact with the stepchildren unless the kids’ other parent chooses to keep in touch. This separation can be quite traumatic for the children, who then lose not only their natural parent, but their stepparent, as well. While the ultimate decision about the children being allowed to maintain relationships with their stepparent falls into the hands of the kids’ remaining natural parent, there are steps that stepparents can take to increase the chances that they’ll be permitted to keep in contact with the kids.


If there has been discord between the two, stepparents may want to approach the children’s parent to express a sincere desire to put the past behind them and start fresh. Offering assurance that they are not trying to be intrusive and only wish to make themselves available to the children should they be needed may help, and it may be beneficial to express concern about the children experiencing additional and unnecessary loss, but in the end, the decision must be left to the wisdom of the children’s remaining parent.
http://www.beingastepparent.co.uk/helping-step-children-cope-with-death-parent.html

E2A: Once parental responsibility has been given to a natural father (if he is not automatically entitled through marriage), he cannot have it removed from him even if the child does not live with him. The natural father has precedence over others in relation to guardianship of children after the death of the natural mother; however, if there is a residence order in force in someone else's name when the mother dies, that person also has parental responsibility as long as the residence order is in force.
http://www.womensaid.org.uk/domestic-violence-articles.asp?section=00010001002200330001&itemid=1452

SandC

Totally agree with the above.

I know it's a dreadful time for her but kids to adapt very quickly to change. I really think she needs to be with her dad to be honest, with open contact with stepdad. Kids of 12 do need some guidance with things like this, it's not just as simple as saying 'what do you want to do?'. Have as much involvement as you possibly can, obviously but ultimately she is a child and it is up to her dad to do what he thinks is best.

My cousin's ex wife passed away leaving their 3 children and their step brother. There was no question - they were immediately cared for by their dad and moved to Singapore where he was living settled well. They are bright, well adjusted kids - I am not sure about the contact with the stepbrother and his dad as he lives down south and they are now in Scotland.

I don't think their stipulations in wills about keeping the stepbrother/sister together has any legal holding whatsoever - no stepparent has rights over a biological parent.

brians_daughter

for the time being why not negotiate with all involved to 'relax the rules'. so if she wants to come and see you on a monday when she doesnt usually then allow it. She will come to her own conclusions soon enough. Also, (and i am sure you will) remember that there is a sibling involved also, and he will be going through the same, so maybe have them both for a few hours so he doesnt feel excluded

There is no right or wrong way to do this. Its all down to the wants and needs of the children involved

DX2

tootie wrote: »

Partner gave up his half of house on understanding with ex wife it went to DD.

No sure how this would legally stand in a court. Might have some degree of difficulty with this one.

Mojisola

tootie wrote: »

My Partner and ex wife have a daughter together who was 12 recently.
Marriage split up when DD was 18 months old.
Partner gave up his half of house on understanding with ex wife it went to DD.
Ex wife gets re-married and has been for around 9 yrs
Ex wife has son with new husband.

Dad has parental responsibility and contact order and has always paid a very fair amount of maintenance without fail.
Dad has been with me for nearly 6 yrs and we have our own home where DD has own bedroom - we have no other children. Myself and DD are very close.

Ex wife died.
Partner and I feel for step-dad and half brother but feel DD would be better off living with us.

Worried about step dad trying to prevent us from doing this.

Need to know what ours and his rights are.

Dont want to rock the boat but feel we need to act quickly as DD needs help to deal with this emotionally and think step-dad may have already been seeking legal advice

Dont know what to do

There's two issues to deal with, at a time when everyone is upset and emotional, which makes it very hard - who your OH's daughter ends up living up and whether the ex-wife has left half the house in trust to her daughter.

As a step-father, the ex-wife's husband has no legal control over your OH's daughter. Her Mum's wishes, expressed in a will, have no legal standing. At 12, her wishes will be taken into account as to where she lives.

Can you keep the situation flexible for the time being? She may want to be with her Dad but she may need to be around her Mum's stuff which is all at the other house. It's likely she won't know for sure what she wants to do herself for a while. With all the adults around her upset and emotional as well, the situation will need time to settle.

If your OH's wishes about half the house being left to his daughter have not been complied with, he will need to come to terms with the fact that his old family home has now gone to the new husband. If that's the case, try not to let anger and resentment about that affect how you both deal with him.

Threebabes

If it were me, I would want my kids to be with their dad.

What a shame for that poor girl, heartbreaking :-(

dgl1001

As a father of two, i would move the earth for the protection of my children. The thought of a child of mine with a step father in that situation saddens me. OP - speak to the child asap and if she wants to return, then please please please do everything in your power to make it happen.

marshmallows

If 2 parents are seperated and then the main carer dies as long as the other parent and the children still have a good relationship then i think the child/ren should live with and be cared for by their remaining parent whether it is mother or father