Fathers rights when mother dies - HELP

tandraig

I sense here that you and your husband do not like this man, you feel strongly that his daughter would be better off with you. do you have anything to back this up? would daughter say she wants to live with you? if so - then see a lawyer. your offers of help have been rejected have they? but the custody agreement been honoured? you may need to fight this in court - are you prepared for that? is your daughter? dont forget she has lost her mother!! as much as you love her - you cant replace that. she may cling to what she knows and you may have to take a softly softly approach with her. good luck

tootie

We don't NOT like him. We respect him for taking on DD and providing for her and roof over head etc and have no doubt her cares for her. We are not into stopping her from seeing him of her sibling at all - we would allow her as much contact as she wanted. Our only gripe is the bullyish behaviour and seemingly lack of respect for women/females. We worry because DD Mum was so protective that stap-dad never stood a chance of complete control of DD but now DD does not have this protection.....

This is very difficult and i asked for advice, not opinions on rights and wrongs. DD has complete choice over what she wants to do but is she capable of making any decisions right now?

You cant leave your children in a situation you feel may not be healthy for her, can you?

tootie

Our hearts are braking for her right now - and yes i have considered that some of our thoughts may be selfish because we want to wrap her up and confort her with us.... but only because its what feels right......there is this huge cloud over our heads about what to do for the best and a guilt for not being able to be with her every min of every day since this happened

BitterAndTwisted

I really would try and dissuade you from trying to discuss long-term arrangements now, so soon after the mother's death. People behave in the most extra-ordinary ways immediately after a bereavement and putting pressure on step-dad may not get the result you want and could make the situation worse, and a one which can't be stepped back from later

tootie

Does leaving DD there for now even if we are not particularly happy about it mean we are wrong or we dont care or be are adandoning DD?? - my partners family think so..

BitterAndTwisted

I don't think there's anything else you can do in the immediate future except leave the child where she is. That does not mean that she has been abandoned. I think you really need to seek some advice from a legal expert to explore your options. Are you in phone contact with DD?

Oldernotwiser

tootie wrote: »

Not explaining what was happening to mum
Not allowing DD choice to see mum
Not alowing DD choice to go to funeral
Not allowing DD opportunity to be involved with songs, flowers etc

All things that any councillor, bereavement website advise you should do

These are things that all families and individuals feel differently about; there's no one right way.

tootie

Speak to her every day - and text lots. Just general support and lots of love - we are not going to hassle her or push her before anyone asks. She will shout if she needs us. We have her from tomorrow all weekend. Cant wait to see her. I hope that if she is unhappy in any way she will tell us.

BitterAndTwisted

Good, then you can all have a good cry together. Poor lamb

tootie

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

These are things that all families and individuals feel differently about; there's no one right way.

these decisions were not just one persons to make - she needs the opportunity to say goodbye too and its important to inform children to let them make informed decisions. If she were much younger i may have thought differently about some of it