Overpayers beware!!!

Joe_Bloggs

Take a step back and consider this scenario. How would you feel if you were in your partners position. Would they see you as a financial bully? They earn more than you and are throwing the money in your face towards a debt that you can't match. My guess is both partners may feel some stress in this matter.
J_B.(It was only a scenario.)

moggins

If it was a man who was saying this then many more people would be up in arms about it too. Come on, where is the equality in this?

I'm a woman who got divorced 7 years ago, I only worked 16 hours a week, I got lumbered with 60% of the debts and 2 years later had to pay my XDH £7000 for his share of the equity. I'm now remarried and again we have a joint account, joint debts and the house is remortgaged in both our names.

Optimistic? Maybe but I'd rather look at the glass as half full than half empty. In 6 years I have gone from working in a job I hated with an unemployed DH to a SAHM whose husband has a good job. DH has gained a £120,000 house with a very low mortgage and a wife who enjoys making sure that her family is well looked after. Circumstances change, they always will, but what is the point in going looking for trouble before it happens.

You never know without asking what your DH expects from life, he may not want to go on the mortgage because he is too proud to take your assets anyway, especially if you make a point of the fact that you earn more than him, men are very !!!!!ly about pride.

Bil2

Joe_Bloggs wrote:

Take a step back and consider this scenario. How would you feel if you were in your partners position. Would they see you as a financial bully? They earn more than you and are throwing the money in your face towards a debt that you can't match. My guess is both partners may feel some stress in this matter.
J_B.(It was only a scenario.)

He only earns £2000 per year less than me! How am I being a financial bully? When I first set up the mortgage, he was a student. He's now been working for nearly 2 years. We had a shared understanding that he would a. start paying half towards the deposit that I made when he was able to and b. join the mortgage when he started working.

He has now declined to do either of these!

He is in a profession that will earn him much more than my profession will earn me (for e.g. he only graduated 2 yrs ago and is now already earning only £2000 less than me- I've been working for 5 years to get to my current salary). However, because he is not careful with his money and makes v. little effort to save even in about 5 years time when his earnings will be significantly higher than mine, i will still most probably have more in savings and assets because I am careful with my money!

Good for you if your partners are trustworthy and wonderful. Some of us aren't so lucky!

Bil2

Joe_Bloggs

This is a domestic situation about future, past and current financial responsibilities.
I hope you can find a sensible middle ground for the past, present, and future. Some times nagging does not work. Is there a non destructive alternative to nagging? Financial reconciliation perhaps?
J_B.

Dead_Eye_Jones

lol someone had an attack of common sense!

Doesnt bother me at all, you cant have a relationship where you count each others pennies - its pathetic. So typical of todays 'me' society.

Im an unmarried joint owner and I overpay. If we split then we'll prob sell and of course split evenly - who cares, maybe I win some, maybe I lose some, there are more important things to worry about.

In fact raising the subject would probably cause a split.

Maybe Im lucky in that my missus is a hardworking lass who gives everything to our relationship, I wouldnt want to be with anyone who wasnt...

Debt_Free_Chick

Bil2 wrote:

However, because he is not careful with his money and makes v. little effort to save even in about 5 years time when his earnings will be significantly higher than mine, i will still most probably have more in savings and assets because I am careful with my money!

I've declined to comment on the "trust/fairness" discussions so far. Frankly, it's none of my business - and I'm not in your relationship, you are Only you can judge your partner and I think there's nothing wrong in being a little cautious, as you are. Better to have these thoughts and deal with the potential consequences now rather than leave it until divorce - if it comes to that and I sincerely hope it doesn't.

However .....

It may turn out that you are being just a teeny-bit paranoid Of course, his reluctance to go onto the mortgage may have a sinister hidden agenda, but it could simply be that as he's bad with money, he thinks it's "better" that he doesn't. He might think that he could (in some way) jeopardise the mortgage if he has money troubles or is simply so bad at keeping track of what he spends.

Remember, that with joint debts, each person is responsible for the whole lot, if the other cannot pay. Maybe he has that muddled in his mind so he thinks it's better for you to have control of the mortgage

For your own peace of mind, I really think you should talk to him some more. Ask him, in a gentle "I want to understand" way, what concerns him.

Have you considered a joint household budget for everything except personal expenses? You could even have a joint account and contribute half the budget (each) to this account and pay all the bills from it. If you add an amount for overpaying the mortgage to the budget, then you can share the overpayments 50/50.

My partner and I do this - he's dreadful with money too :eek: What he doesn't know is that there's "slack" in our budget and I syphon this off this month into a savings account, which we'll then use to overpay our mortgage

In fact, I run all the finances - mine, his and our joint account. I also syphon money from his current account into his ING account and he's amassed £4k in the past year plus £3k in an ISA. On top of that, I paid off his debts by giving him only £100 a month spending-money for the past 2 years. (It sounds a lot, but he earns a lot, spends a lot and has maintenance for his son to pay. Still, he (or me on his behalf) has paid off £25k of debt in the past two years).

Anyway, I digress. So far, your only "evidence" is that your husband is bad at managing money. That doesn't mean that he's out to take you to the cleaners. Talk to him. At the end of your discussions, you'll know whether (a) he's a scheming b8$!8rd (!) or (b) just useless and with some guidance could be a 50:50 contributor. Result?

Best regards

Prudent

I can see both sides of this argument. I married believing marriage was for life and still highly respect people who make a life long commitment. When my marriage broke down it was not my choice.
I had some saving which I had wanted to put towards reducing the mortgage in the year before we separated.My ex couldn't see the point as he didn't mind debt. Had Idone this he would havegot half. As I still had them my solicitor advised me to use them towrds buying myself a house and to offset this against his pension in dividng assets. Now I have paid of the mortgage on this house and know what I hav put in I will be able to keep.

Bil2

Noozan wrote:

But then surely you'd have to give him half of the savings and half the equity; in which case, if the remainder of your savings wasn't enough to cover half the quity, you'd have to find the money from somewhere to buy him out

As far as I'm aware, this is equity (figures below for example only):

Mortgage- £50,000
Property worth- £100,000
Therefore equity is- £50,000

If I take the overpayments (including my deposit) out of the mortgage, the mortgage amount will raise to the original purchase price of the property (I've checked with my lender and I will be able to do this). At the moment, the worth of the property has risen by about £10,000, so that's £10,000 in equity. Therefore, he would be able to claim half the equity which is only £5000 and I can easily pay this off using my personal savings.

If I were to keep the overpayments in the mortgage, the current equity would be £27,000 (10,000 + £17,000 of overpayments). I would then need to find £13,500 to pay him off and I don't have this much in my savings account because I've been overpaying the mortgage. This means that I would a. have to sell the property to give him his half of the equity or b. have to increase my mortgage loan to pay him off.

Of course, if the price of the property increases dramatically over the next few years, then the situation will be different. But, as I will now be saving the money that I would have made in overpayments, I still might be able to pay half of the equity of the property to my husband if we divorce without the need to sell the property or increase the mortgage loan.

I may be wrong, but that's how I understand it. Please correct me if I've made an error somewhere with regard to equity.

Bil2

Bil2

Debt_Free_Chick wrote:

Anyway, I digress. So far, your only "evidence" is that your husband is bad at managing money. That doesn't mean that he's out to take you to the cleaners. Talk to him. At the end of your discussions, you'll know whether (a) he's a scheming b8$!8rd (!) or (b) just useless and with some guidance could be a 50:50 contributor. Result? Best regards

Ignoring savings and other assets for the moment- lets just concentrate on the property issue...

If it turns out that he is innocent and he agrees to join the mortgage 50/50 (after I've taken out the overpayments that is!), then on divorce he's liable for 50% of the equity in the property (fair and square- I've got no objections to this).

However, if he is scheming, then purely based on the fact that we're married, he's still able to claim 50% of the equity in the property whether he agrees to join the mortgage or not, so basically I'm screwed aren't I?

Bil2

alanobrien

gingerdad wrote:

I thought marriage was for life, i think maybe you should divorice now and save the trouble, as making statements like above show you don' love him.

Everything in my marriage is ours, we both earn it and spend it.

Absolutely agree or what is the point in being married in the first place. Wierd world we live in.