Burying my head in the sand

gargrave50

bazwod wrote: »

I know I sound so self-indulgent and spoilt but I just get so anxious if I can't spend and go shopping.

I'll post my SOA once I can work it out.... I am just fed up,

It all feels so hopeless and that it will never get any better so I may as well make it worse.

Hi Baz

If you feel you "need to spend and go shopping" then I doubt this is your lightbulb moment. You might get anxious if you can't spend and go shopping - but you HAVE to change your outlook. Anxiety will get worse when it gets to the stage where you can't pay the minimum repayments and you have red letters cascading through your letterbox.

You might not think your SOA needs changing, but I think we could all have looked at our own and thought that:p. You need a fresh eye on your expenditure to be truly critical:rolleyes:.

Posting your SOA is a priority and needs to be top of your list.

The things is that things won't get better if you keep spending - and you will have to face it one day - the sooner the less debt you need to face:rolleyes:.

PLAN:j

1. Cut up your cards (all of them - in a REAL emergency you would need to ask your parents)
2. Dig out all your bills - get APRs and balances
3. Post your SOA
4. Take it on the chin, and start putting the advice into action
5. Take the ongoing advice of others, and start to change your life.

bazwod

Nargleblast wrote: »

Bazwood - sounds like you have had some good advice so far, and are starting to put some of the suggestions into action. You need to get it into your head that it does not matter how other people live their lives and spend their money (I am referring to your parents here), it is your life and your spending habits that matter. Do not keep up with the Jones's, drag them down to your level, it's cheaper!!!:D

Perhaps a word with your family on the lines of having debts to clear and trying to be very careful with money in order to get back on the straight and narrow would help? And if by chance they gave you some money then use it to clear as much debt as possible, starting with the ones with the highest interest rates. And cut up all plastic cards if you haven't done so already. Once your debts are gone you will get a lot of satisfaction from paying up front for things, knowing you owe nothing to anyone (apart from a mortgage, and that's allowed!) Then you could even consider making overpayments on the mortgage to get it reduced faster?
Once you start this DFW moneysaving stuff it gets as addictive as handbags!

Nargle, I've given the credit card to the OH to look after at the moment just in case i find anything in the wardrobe with tags on it that I can take back in the next 28 days. Can't think of anything at the mo, but after that he's going to cut it up. He also has my debit cards too and I'm asking him for cash when I need it. I've started the spending diary which is pretty enlightening. And awful! I can't believe how much I spend on food/drink when I'm out of the house!

I think you're right about getting satisfaction from paying for things up front. I can't imagine I'd get to the stage where I'd saved up a few hundred quid and wanted to spend it on a bag! It would take that long to save up that I'd probably rather go on holiday with it. But all the time it wasn't my money and I had loads of debt anyway, it didn't seem like it cost so much. If that even makes sense! My crazy logic.

My mum and I are going to have a chat about it all today. She worries so much about me anyway, it's just in her nature, that I don't want to scare her....or for her to worry but I really am starting to feel in control.... thanks for your advice.

bazwod

gargrave50 wrote: »

Hi Baz

If you feel you "need to spend and go shopping" then I doubt this is your lightbulb moment. You might get anxious if you can't spend and go shopping - but you HAVE to change your outlook. Anxiety will get worse when it gets to the stage where you can't pay the minimum repayments and you have red letters cascading through your letterbox.

You might not think your SOA needs changing, but I think we could all have looked at our own and thought that:p. You need a fresh eye on your expenditure to be truly critical:rolleyes:.

Posting your SOA is a priority and needs to be top of your list.

The things is that things won't get better if you keep spending - and you will have to face it one day - the sooner the less debt you need to face:rolleyes:.

PLAN:j

1. Cut up your cards (all of them - in a REAL emergency you would need to ask your parents)
2. Dig out all your bills - get APRs and balances
3. Post your SOA
4. Take it on the chin, and start putting the advice into action
5. Take the ongoing advice of others, and start to change your life.

Gargrave, thanks for your reply....

I have posted my SOA now - can't remember if I put it on a different thread, I must of. I agree with you that when I put this thread on I probably hadn't had a lightbulb moment, but knew that I really didn't want to get to the stage where I couldn't actually afford the repayments.... and knowing that if I did something sooner rather than later it would be a darn sight easier. So this week, after being on this site every night (can you get done for stalking a website?!!) I've become slightly obsessed with my spending diary, checking my bank balance, seeing what I can sell to get the debt down to a more 'rounded' £100, and then by another £10 etc. The tip about paying the pence from the bank a/c towards the credit card is a great idea. I know it's only going to be a few quid a week but it definitely all helps!!

So, my lightbulb moment my have been more of a dimmer switch and I now feel like it's shining pretty brightly! As I said above, normally I'd go shopping at the weekend and my OH is taking stuff back for me today so I don't have to go near the shops. It probably is a bit extreme but he's going into town anyway. Anyway, I feel like I am starting to change my life and whilst I know it's going to difficult, like a lot of change is, it really has to be done. Reading some of the stories on here make me realise that I'm actually pretty lucky that I'm not in complete dire straights!! thanks again :D:D:D

bazwod

jamesd wrote: »

bazwod, yes, keeping the rental place makes sense. Hopefully it's on an interest only loan because you deduct the interest part of the mortgage from the income when working out how much income you need to declare for tax. That usually makes it a good idea to keep the maximum possible amount of capital owed on a rental property, up to the original purchase cost, not more (more isn't allowable against income for tax).

The trouble with the clothes and handbags isn't so much the amount but the amount it's costing you. The interest on those unsecured debts is another 400 a month that you're unable to spend, making the 200 affordable if you can get rid of the unsecured debts and free up that 400 a month.

If your mortgage allows payment holidays or interest only for a while you might want to approach the lender about doing that so that you can put the reduced payment money towards the more costly borrowing. You can catch up with the mortgage payments later, once you're paying less in interest on the unsecured borrowing and have that money available to spend again.

One thing that I do is track my savings and borrowings every day. Then I have a graph that shows how I'm doing so I can see the improving position day by day as I work on it. It can be a useful way to see that you're getting some reward for the reduced spending. You can also track the interest you pay and watch that reducing as you reduce the balances, so you can see the amount you'll have available to spend once the unsecured borrowing is gone going up.

Longer term it's a lot easier to feel secure and good about yourself once you know that you have six months or a year or more of your income in your emergency fund so that you know that you won't be instantly badly affected by a job loss or unexpected big repair bill. Much harder when you're worrying about bills and debts!

James, I don't have the rental property on an interest only mortgage... it's on a fixed rate repayment and the fixed rate is crazy but I'm tied in and the exit fee is disproportionately large to consider changing. The chart thing sounds like a good idea. Did you develop yours yourself? I don't have a clue on Excel.... any chance you could mail me one? (or is there a template lurking around on here somewhere?!)

I never really thought of the bags and clothes costing more than the price tag because of the interest, but you're right! (I'm saying that to every poster on this site, but it's true!!) I'm certainly tackling it all now....slowly but surely! Thank you :D

Shoe_Gal

Hello

Just wanted to say 'hi' and 'good luck'

I understand about the shopping thing - shoes are my weakness :rolleyes: And shoes neve make you look fat!

I am (slowly) conquering my spending habit - but still have a long way to go. The only advice I can offer is don't be too strict with yourself. In my experience, after a while you can stick to it and then you get fed up and go on a mad spending spree :mad: Make aure you still allow yourslef some treats

I am also struggling with my weight on refelection I have only lost 2lbs since Christmas so I definately need to go on a food and money diet

ixwood

You know yourself, it's all in your spending. What's the attraction to £200 handbags and the like? It's pretty shallow self satisfaction.

Have you been brought up to associate money with success? Do you think people think better of you for having them?

If anything, I just think pretentious mug (who's probably debted up) when people have these things. It's almost vulgur and distasteful IMHO. Then I do have a personal dislike of the middle classes snobbery and pretentious. It all seems desperate and needy to me.

You need more self confidence. You don't need conspicuous consumption to make you worth something as a person.

bazwod

Shoe gal - thanks for the welcome, very kind of you and yep, shoes never make you look fat and always seem to fit now much how weight i put on!! Bonus!! I won't be too strict with myself but I'm gonna stick with the strict stuff for a while at least.

Ixwood, I haven't been brought up to think that success is all about money as when I was young we didn't have a lot of money at all!!

And I think for you to assume that anyone who has a lovely handbag on their arm is a pretentious mug who is probably in debt says more about you than them!! Sorry to sound harsh! And to think it's vulgar and distasteful is also making a bit of an assumption too.... not all expensive handbags are covered in crazy patterns or logos etc. The ones that I own, you'd probably never know that they were so expensive. They are just made of a great quality leather are well made and smell lovely! It's not snobbery to appreciate decent quality objects, in any form!

None of my bags are 'conspicuous' and I don't view it as consipicuous consumption. Everybody has hobbies and that was mine!

We'll have to agree to disagree on this one eh?

Shoe_Gal

well said I love my Mulberry bag - and I have never been pretentious in my life :rolleyes:

ailsajayne29

Hey, just wanted to say hi and good luck!! I have rather a lot of cash on my DMP, the initial spending ws down to me but other stuff stopped me beng able to repay things! But I know how you feel about the shopping fix!! It does still bother me that I cant just go into town (esp on saturdays lol!) and days like today where im three days off payday and have absoultely nothing left are annoying! But then i remember that one day everything will be sorted and i wont need to worry about lying in bed worrying over having so little to live off every month! and then ill know that ALL the money in my bank will be mine and not owed to anyone :-D

And dont worry about talking to your mum, I was terrified when i told mine, and yes she shouted and told me off (and still occassionally says well you cant afford that!) but at the same time its good to know my parents are there and care!! Oh and another thing that might help... I did Weightwatchers last year and found I was actually saving so much money because I had a habit of wandering into the shop to buy lunch and buying loads of crisps and choc everyday! But once i was trying to count points etc i found that i didnt, saving me eaasily twenty quid a week :-) and i got healthier! double benefits!

Good luck :-)

bazwod

My Mulberry bag is my favourite too shoe gal! And when it's reduced from £800 to £330 you can't say no... Mulberry is a pretty understated classic brand.

Ailsa - I know what you mean! All the money in the bank being our own will be a great feeling..... I've done WW before too. It's a great plan, if you stick to it! I'm planning lunches now and taking stuff with me, even if it's just a tin of soup and a slice of bread. It all helps. Thanks for your kind words