Self Harm

Quackers

shellyaspey wrote: »

, the actual cutting or burning was a total release for me ,

This seems the case for most self harmers.

My daughter self harmed...luckily not for too long.

She was already seeing a counsellor when it was discovered and she suggested wearing elastic bands on her wrist.

When she felt she needed to self harm she flicked the elastic bands as hard as she could to hurt herself...

I know this sounds odd but it worked for her

I hope the GP appt goes well & you get the support you need...the fact that she has opened up to you already is a really good sign - be proud of yourself that she felt she could come to you

Indie_Kid

TangledMemories wrote: »

The only way I could explain my reason for doing it is because I didn't know how to express my feelings or emotions.

This was the same for me and because it was the only thing that actually calmed me down after some friendship issues. (it was the self harm that caused the issues - I was too clingy, he couldn't deal with me and the way I was behaving towards him. He also once told me he couldn't trust me; which really upset me) We are ok now though, thankfully.

This is probably going to freak some of you out, but sometimes when I drew blood...it felt like such a release...as though the hurt, anger, frustration was flowing out of me.

I thought I was the only one.

the automatic assumption was that I was wanting to end my life.

A friend of mine actually said this to me; which upset me an awful lot. (he doesn't understand at all)

After 3 years, I am now trying to stop all together - which is not easy at all.

ElegantlyWasted

I've self harmed for just over ten years, since I was 13.
I think it's great, Molly, that your daughter feels like she can talk to you about it; I know that I could never do that with my parents. You sound so caring and desperate to help her. I know this has already been said, but please don't let her feel that you're disappointed with her. That's one thing that my parents did when they found out that I SH'ed when I was 15, and it's made it very hard for me to have a good relationship with them.
I hope that the GP can come up with something to help, Cognitive Behavioural Therapy is said to be effective with self harmers, though I've never had it myself. It's worth noting that some anti-depressants (not saying that that's what the GP will recommend at all) can increase suicidal tendencies and the urge to self harm, which is something to watch out for.

I've always struggled with my weight as well, going from binge eating when I was younger, to anorexia over the past few years. Even though they're polar opposites, they were both due to my needing to be able to control something, and needing to feel better in some way. Comfort eating is incredibly common, but so are the immense feelings of guilt afterwards. You can easily change what you eat, but changing the mindset behind is way, way harder.

I wish you both the best, you're doing everything right, and she obviously trusts you so much to have come to you about this. Please feel free to PM me if there's ever anything I can do x

System

Really really *big hugs* Molly. I'm not a parent, though i do have a (rather lengthy) history of self harm and my mum has gone through similar things with me over the years.

1st of all the fact she came and confided in you is a really positive step, it probably wasn't easy but now you're aware of it, and she knows that you're not angry or dissappointed and that you are there for her 100%. Beleieve me when i say this makes a difference. I never confided in my parents and was never able totalk about it, to this day they are uncomfortable talking about my MH problems, maybe if they'd been more open it would have helped. So its good she can trust you.

Assuming she is depressed (SH and depression often go hand in hand) then this may also be part of the weight problem. Does she comfort eat at all? I only ask cos what i eat is closely linked to my moods. It may just be she's lacking the motivation to exercise. Perhaps if your daughter has some initial treatment and feels ready ask the GP about the exercise referall scheme, if she's suffering from low mood she can be refered to a scheme when you get a certain amount of free/discounted exercise. I'm on it myself (overweight too )and there have been a few times i've felt its lifted my mood a bit

Do not feel responsible Molly, this is not your fault. She hasn't done this because of you, or to hurt you, she's done it because its a maladaptive coping mechanism, that may feel like it works, but soon you don't feel that way. You haven't done anything to make her do this. I know my mum blames herself for my mental illness and the self harm but its not her fault. I'm sure your daughter would have similar feelings.

Distraction techniques are good, personally i draw on myself in pen. Similar sensation to SH but without actually hurting myself. I've found a big list for you here:
http://www.scar-tissue.net/distraction.html

I'm not sure what else you can do (you're doing everything you can) but just contiune to let her know that you love her no matter what and that you're always there for her. Hopefully the doctors visit will help. I hope she gets the help she needs (and doesn't end up like me, i've self harmed since i was 12 (i'm 23 now), and have a lot of scars, but i'm slowley learning its not really helping me)

And there are lots of self harm recovery sites out there but the one i tend to go on most is http://www.recoveryourlife.com just in case she wants to look it up.

Your both in my thoughts

Molly41

I want to thank everyone who has contributed to this thread. You have all given me such a lot of information and insight. Thankyou for sharing your experiences and "tips" on coping. I am compiling a list. Most of all you have given me support and for that Im forever grateful. xxx