Self Harm

Frith

Just wanted to send you my best wishes. I don't know much about self-harm myself but this agency is said to be really good for children and young people:

http://www.youngminds.org.uk/front-page

Molly41

Thankyou for your insight and supportive comments. Im finding it very helpful. I will admit to a tear when i saw her scars but quickly pulled myself together. I will make sure that she never knows that I feel responsible. She has gone out tonight with her mates and seems much more relaxed since she showed me. Its business as usual!!

I do understand how she feels regarding her weight as I have been overweight for much of my life. However she has gotten biger and biger and this is when I felt I had to intervene for the sake of her health. My daughter is so beautiful - I just wish she could see it. We are going shopping tomorrow as she has an inset day and need to pick up her new glasses. So some mum and daughter time. We will make a GP apptment tomorrow too. Thanks everybody xxx

gill_81uk

Hi Molly - just wanted to say that I self harmed when I was younger also. You must be doing a really great job as a Mum for her to feel that she could come to you as most girls keep it a secret for years, so please don't beat yourself up or feel guilty about it.

It sounds like you have handled it really well too, just continue to be there for her as you have been and encourage her to go out and live her normal life. I always found I was at my worst when I was alone with time to brood.

glitterycloud

I think mum and daughter time is brilliant, it is probably what she needs right now, a support person she can lean on. Try not to worry about it as she has made the first big step in admitting to you that she self harms. Getting her to the doctor is the right thing to do, they should be able to help her as long as she tells them what she told you.
Having my mum around when times were hard would have been fantastic instead I kept it to myself. Be there for her to come to, make alot of time for her and encourage more fun bonding times so she can see you as a friend as well as a mother.

Bethankim

Hiya,

I am the mum of a teenager who self harms, Every child is unique so his triggers will be different to your daughters.Touch wood he hasnt cut for 5 months, although his eating is a bit out of control so think he has changed his self harming..anyway some practical things

I started with our GP - i sat with him before the appointment to write it down in bullet points so the GP could get a picture - we put feelings, behaviour, what had changed, and what he was doing.

Our GP reffered him to the adolcesant unit - although he was extremely ill and manic.

the Self harm eopisodes.

I satayed calm - very calm and did the practical thing - i made it plain with his acceptance - if he self harmed and felt unsafe then i would take him straight to A&E (but that was to do with his severe depression and the health care proffesional assessng him)

we agreed together he would come and tell me if he was feeling unsafe and wanted to cut, we used distraction, watched TV, nattered no matter how middle of the night it was - until he felt distracted enough to sleep

we got help - i got educated

part of it is finding a line of being the parent and acting when you need to and supporting your child to take responsibility and to leanr how to manage thier feelings and not do it for them.

I get it wrong sometimes, i over do it or i miss things..but in order to cope i step back
its a hard road, there may be a support group, her college is very likely to have a councelling service which is free for students.

Good luck, she has taken the first step - by telling

Butterfly_Brain

My heart goes out to you both - I bet she is being bullied about her weight and if she wears glasses it is probably making matters worse - Have you thought about getting her some contact lenses or even though laser treatment is expensive it is another option.
It does not help that all fashionable clothes are made for beanpoles either
I was overweight and wore glasses as a child and I was bullied and tormented terribly.
I even thought about suicide when I was 13 .
She is a lucky girl to have a Mum like you

lar316

Several years ago i was suffering from depression and when things hurt so much inside, i started self harming to take away the emotional pain. After i saw a counsellor through my occupational health at work, she told me to put my hands into bags of ice and squeeze the ice cubes. This hurt like hell, gave me the same type of physical pain i wanted to distract the emotional pain but it didn't scar me etc. Try and advise this to your daughter. Be her safety net when she can't copes, but don't get angry with her or tell her to snap out of it because she won't be able to, it takes time and possibly medication to sort this condition out. Go and see her GP with her, let your daughter talk but if she struggles or forgets things then you tell your GP. I'm sure they will either prescribe something or recommend a mental health specialist/ self help groups etc.

I wish you and your daughter all the best in the future.

Molly41

Hi Guys,
Thankyou to every person who replied to my post or PM'ed me. I am going to collate the suggestions, coping mechanisms and websites so we have a resource. You have given me so much support when I was at a total loss. Actually I have been overwhelmed by the response and Im truly grateful xxxx

ailuro2

Molly - I can't help with the self harm side of things, but have you thought about going out walking with her - now the dark nights are in neither of you will be seen, if that's an issue for you/her. Even if you need to drive somewhere that is well used by dogwalkers and other walkers runners, then get out and go for a walk, or drive to a quieter neighbourhood where there aren't neds on street corners waiting to hurl abuse.;) Don't text other people while you're out, use it to have a chat about everyday things, and to have some 'quiet time' out from college.
It will do you both some good healthwise, and talking while walking is less 'in your face' as you're not opposite the person, so would be a chance for her to tell you little things she might not otherwise. Exercise is good for mental health too, and taking control of one aspect of her health might encourage her to improve her eating habits.
fwiw I think you need to keep healthy food in the cupboards at home, if she wants to eat junk then she'll have to buy it herself. Don't enable her at home.;)
I struggle with my weight, and my 11yo DD looks to be the same. I do worry I'm setting a bad example for her. It's not easy, I know. Good Luck! Hope the GP is a help.

Molly41

hi,
Thanks for your suggestion. Unfortunately i am disabled and rely on a scooter for my mobility but i could scoot and she could walk !!! I will suggest it. x