Thinking leaving long term partner. Help!

dogcat_2

Do it whichever way you feel is best for you. After all you know her best. We can all give advice, but we don't 'know' her personally. If there is any chance that she could get violent - then I would leave a note. I know It's not ideal, but it would make life a lot easier, for you and also possibly for her...as she wouldn't be able to plead with you and get even more upset. No option is going to be 'easy'. Have a think about it and do which is best for you. Good Luck.

Morglin

Sit her down and tell her the truth - you want out of the relationship and don't want to get married. Don't leave a note - that's an awful thing to do to someone you must have loved once.

Be kind but be firm, however she reacts.

Then go and stay with a mate while you sort out a flat etc.,

These things are never easy but a change in feelings happens and better to call a halt now.

If you think she might pester you, then change your mobile number etc.,

Good luck.

Lin

ailuro2

Get yourself organised, move your things out while she is at work, but stay behind afterwards to tell her why when she gets home from work.

Have a note prepared detailing why you don't want to ruin her life by marrying her when you're not happy only to get divorced years later and make her miss her chance of finding her true soulmate.

Thanks her for the good times etc, tell her you need to find yourself etc.
Also explain you did it on the sly because you'd tried before and found it hard to walk away as you do care for her on one level, just not as a husband to be.

So,in short, tell her face to face, and if she starts crying give her the note and walk away.

Be kind and don't get into any toing and froing. Leave the keys behind too,so you've no excuse to go back.;)

Myotherusername

Thanks for everyones help and advice. I now realise it was a bit silly to think about leaving a note and will tell her face to face. I have realised I stayed with her out of fear of leaving than anything else.
My employer is pretty flexible over my working hours so I can easily make arrangements during working day and I am not going to be told what hours I can work any more by my partner.
I think the organising it all and moving out thing before I tell her is a good idea. As then I can just tell her and leave without worrying about bags etc...
I have thought about a post office box but it says they will give out the address of the person who has it if asked so that seems a bit pointless.
I guess my main problem is that before i met her I had a period of realtionships ending in me being dumped so I can imagine what she will go through.
I really can't talk to her parents about it and I think they are probably the root of her emotional problems and she has admitted to me they are but doesn't seem willing/able to do anything about it.

I am going to arrange a viewing for a flat at lunchtime far enough away but not too far for work.
Thanks again for everyones help

Morglin

Best of luck with it all - and if you know you don't want to spend your life with this girl, you really are doing both of you a favour by calling a halt now.

She'll get over it.

Lin

BitterAndTwisted

Whatever you do and however you choose to do it: please do not leave her in the lurch financially on top of breaking her heart. Please ensure you leave her with enough funds to cover rent and bills until she can figure out how to cover them on her own. You owe her that much at least.

Oh, and if you think that the news might tip her over the edge and she might become unhelpful, you should seriously consider arranging for your post to be redirected, so you won't have to keep going back for it

Pee

When I left my parents home I left a note. I had tried previously to leave and was physically restrained. It was not going to be possible to leave whilst they were there. I had already told them to their face, but they weren't listening. I was 23 at the time and I wasn't in a very good emotional place to write the note.

I still think if there is going to be violence that a note is an appopriate way of ending it, it is not the best way but sometimes it is the only way.

My first big relationship ended with a letter. We weren't living together but had been together for 18 months and I loved him very much. There was someone else involved. It was the worst break up of my life, due to the other circumstances, but actually, probably easier than the other break up which springs to mind when I cried for hours and felt I embarrassed myself completely in front of him - this was also an 18 month relationship but I was older by then and it wasn't serious. I can't really explain the tears, they surprised me and REALLY surprised him.

On neither occassion was there anything to talk about, no possibility of changing minds.

I wish the second guy had sent me an email after we'd got back home.