Thinking leaving long term partner. Help!

nixinixi

I garee with the poster who said take some days off work...admittidly you will have to be sneaky and pretend you are having a normal day, but if things are that bad then it will be worth the hassle. The onger you leave it the harder it will get. Could you exlain the situation to a letting agent and use your works address as a contact? Or fnd a personal let which doesn't use a letting agent. Your partner deserves to know sooner rather than later so she can start to try and move on with her life. Has she got any friends you can involve, so they could be there when youo told her? Basically if I were you (assuming she works) I would have a days hol to arrange new living accomodation and then have another day off when you pack all your stuff and move it all out, and then tell her face to face at the end of the day. Hopefully because you have already ,moved all your stuff you will have the strength to carry it through...its not fair on either of you to carry on if you know it is wrong for you. Good Luck.

belfastgirl23

Could you pack your stuff and leave it at work or in the car, then arrange to meet her somewhere public - preferably near your house or her family's house. Do it on neutral ground then leave quickly.

Alas this is one of those things, no one else can do it for you.

If you can't manage this have you thought of having counselling? Perhaps this might help her to see there is no future and help you find a way out?

Kimitatsu

Take some time off work pack up the bits you want and then tell her when she comes back.

Be strong - if you are as unhappy as you say you are then why do you need encouragement to make the decision? The fact that you have split up 3 times and allowed yourself to be talked back into the relationship would suggest that either you really love this girl, in which case contact Relate (they are in the book) and go for some counselling before you make any further comittments, or you dont think you are going to find anything better, in which case only you can answer that question.

Whichever one it is make a decision and give it your all rather than sitting on the fence and thinking the grass on the other side is greener. It never is and a relationship takes two people to work at it.

Edit: sorry belfastgirl - our posts crossed!

shellsuit

I'm sorry, but the only reason it seems that the OP wants to end it the sh!tty way, is so he has no hassle when he tells her. (like waterworks and pleading)

To do it the decent way would be to tell her ~ surely she deserves that?

Sneaking off and getting things sorted behind her back is sh!tty too.

I only found out that it was all planned when I saw he hadn't been in work leading upto the day (from wageslip) and his phone was in my name so I could see he had been ringing bed companies the day before.

For all who are suggesting he leave a note and/or sneak around and make plans, put yourself in her shoes.

Would you like to come home and find a note from your partner telling you it's over and his things gone?

And please don't say "my OH would never do that to me" because you don't know that at all. I said exactly the same before it happened to me.

6 years is a LONG time and to just leave a note/letter is disgraceful. (Unless fearing for safety which is a different matter)

Michelin

shellsuit wrote: »

I'm sorry, but the only reason it seems that the OP wants to end it the sh!tty way, is so he has no hassle when he tells her. (like waterworks and pleading)

To do it the decent way would be to tell her ~ surely she deserves that?

Sneaking off and getting things sorted behind her back is sh!tty too.

I only found out that it was all planned when I saw he hadn't been in work leading upto the day (from wageslip) and his phone was in my name so I could see he had been ringing bed companies the day before.

For all who are suggesting he leave a note and/or sneak around and make plans, put yourself in her shoes.

Would you like to come home and find a note from your partner telling you it's over and his things gone?

And please don't say "my OH would never do that to me" because you don't know that at all. I said exactly the same before it happened to me.

6 years is a LONG time and to just leave a note/letter is disgraceful. (Unless fearing for safety which is a different matter)

Totally agree - do it properly. It is heartbreaking to come home to a note.

fabforty

I think you know that you need to tell her face to face - you owe her that much.

The fact is when you tried to leave before, she didn't persuade you to stay, you allowed her to persuade to stay. You made that decision for whatever reason (probably because it was easier to back down especially if she's distressed and crying) so you have to take responsibility for that. You now have the advantage of knowing what she is likely to say or do to stop you from leaving again and you can prepare for that. Find somewhere quiet but open - away from home, such as a park, so that once you have said what you need to say, she cannot physically barricade you in. Think about what you want to say in advance, your reasons for leaving and also try to think of her responses might be (what did she say last time?) You can prepare counter-arguments by doing this. E.g. if she says that she will change the things that you don't like, how will you answer?

Bear in mind that she may also be unhappy in the relationship (especially as it seems that she has to work so hard at being what you want), which might be difficult for her to admit after fighting so hard to stop you leaving previously. So it is possible that when you say your leaving, she won't try to stop you.

Either way, from your post, it's clear that for you the relationship is over and the best thing that you can do (for both your sakes) is to be honest and walk away.

valkirn

shellsuit wrote: »

I'm sorry, but the only reason it seems that the OP wants to end it the sh!tty way, is so he has no hassle when he tells her. (like waterworks and pleading)

To do it the decent way would be to tell her ~ surely she deserves that?

Sneaking off and getting things sorted behind her back is sh!tty too.

I only found out that it was all planned when I saw he hadn't been in work leading upto the day (from wageslip) and his phone was in my name so I could see he had been ringing bed companies the day before.

For all who are suggesting he leave a note and/or sneak around and make plans, put yourself in her shoes.

Would you like to come home and find a note from your partner telling you it's over and his things gone?

And please don't say "my OH would never do that to me" because you don't know that at all. I said exactly the same before it happened to me.

6 years is a LONG time and to just leave a note/letter is disgraceful. (Unless fearing for safety which is a different matter)

I have come home to a note from my partner with all his things gone and i know its not nice the only difference was i was pregnant and he took the easy way out!! But im glad the spineless toad did do it that way cos it ment i got angry and stood on my own two feet, stopped being a simpering idiot, and learnt not to rely on one person who had promised he would be there for me and our child..

As for the unless fearing for safety bit .... what happens if he does fear for his safety?? he's already said she Barr's the door!! there's nothing to stop her getting violent too....

if he does take a day off work to get himself something sorted out is not doing it the sh!tty way imo its making sure he has somewhere to go if she does turn on the waterworks and tries to barr him from leaving

I also agree with the poster who said to find somewhere neutral in order to end thing with her that way she cant lock him in anywhere and she cant use the excuse that he needs to go to the house to collect his things.

I do agree though it would be better if he did it face to face, but at the end of the day he has to do what he thinks is best to get himself out of a situation that is only gonna get worse the longer he leaves it.

fabforty

An afterthought. If you are still sleeping with her - stop! Or at the very very least, put something on the end of it.

Greener_Grass

fabforty wrote: »

An afterthought. If you are still sleeping with her - stop! Or at the very very least, put something on the end of it.

Are you Jeremy Kyle? :eek:;)

Butterfly_Brain

You should sit her down and tell her - Better to break up now than end up in a marriage that you know will not make you happy.
There will be tears but you really have to do it ASAP