Marriage Seperation - Help Please

newmum1

If you have moved out her tax credits should increase, due to the big drop in income therefore she should be getting the fees paid or at least contributed to. hope this helps.

Mutter_2

"If she cant afford to buy you out Put the house on the market. leaving her with a nice sum to put down as a deposit."
£17,000 before settling debts is not a good deposit. Nor good for the children, though I thoroughly echo your sentiments of do right by them Diz.

As I suggested, get proper advise CreditMonkey.

I take it you are paying to support your children?

To Mrs Tine, surely if OP were to be declared bankrupt he would never be eligible for a mortgage, or is that not so?

Something about advice sites sticks in my craw, and that is the poster is always right.

Why would a woman, a mother to a 3 and 5 year old decide she no longer wants her husband and father to her children?

Either, she cannot stand his presence or she has found someone to take his place.

For all we know, he may be the most vile, conniving man on the planet.
There again, she may be a money grabbing harriden, with a boyfriend to boot.

We don't know as she is not posting here and even if she were, could we believe her?
Unfortuately when divorcing, behaviour doesn't count in financial matters.
She is though paying the mortgage, so not all bad.

The best thing therefore is CreditMonkey seeks legal advise. Whether initially from a specialist site, but ultimately directly from a Lawyer.

It does surprise me that although medical advice is not allowed (rightly) legal advice seems to slip beneath the Radar. Both can be equally damaging.

As Diz said "do right by the children", who are the innocent victims in all this. That includes providing the mother with enough money to care for them.

This forum is a Godsend to us all here, where else could advice on such diverse subjects be found?
From plumbing your washer to de-fleeing your cat. Bankruptcy to investments. A laugh in between at the Arms then serious stuff in DT. Martin must think he created a monster.

Legal stuff relating to divorce is a no no, in my opinion. Especially involving children.

Costs too much and lives also.

WannaBeTeenager

citizens advice, solicitor.
you need proper advice and legal advice. if you dont get these payments set in stone then she will probably keep on with you paying more and more.

MrsTinks

Once he's a discharged bankrupt then yes he'd be able to get a mortgage - some people have been discharged in less than a year... I'm not a fan of BR because I believe that if you spent it you should repay it - but when you get to a certain point and it's causing depression etc then I think it's an option that should seriously be considered. Yes there are repercussions of going BR - but they are a lot less than you might think (not sure wether that's good or bad to be honest). It certainly does not preclude him from having a mortgage in the future though. He would be able to apply for a discharged bankrupt mortgage straight after being discharged - but the BR will drop off his credit file in 6 years leaving him a lot more options

MrsTinks

Mutter wrote: »

"Something about advice sites sticks in my craw, and that is the poster is always right.

Why would a woman, a mother to a 3 and 5 year old decide she no longer wants her husband and father to her children?

Either, she cannot stand his presence or she has found someone to take his place.

For all we know, he may be the most vile, conniving man on the planet.
There again, she may be a money grabbing harriden, with a boyfriend to boot.

Welcome to the joys of internet forums...

We can always only base advice on the facts given - such is the nature of ANY forum. Whilst most posters do point out the OP should get legal advice then I think that the FAQs or board rules or whatever they're called when you sign up DO mention that you should always check etc etc etc. But if we didn't give this advice then the boards wouldn't be here - because so often legal and financial advice overlap. The advice is given and it is up to the posters to decide what to do with that advice and to verify it for themselves.

Mutter_2

WannaBeTeenager wrote: »

citizens advice, solicitor.
you need proper advice and legal advice. if you dont get these payments set in stone then she will probably keep on with you paying more and more.

See? Here we go again, she's wrong he 's right. He's a poster so all good. She is one wicked wife on his say so.

SHE is caring for their two children. It is more likely her that needs advice, and help than him.

I suggest that in divorce situations, only emotional advise is given.
Leave the legal stuff to the highly paid experts, especially as I have read such well meaning but totally inaccurate advise elewhere.

MrsTinks

And if SHE comes on here with her side of the story we'll give HER advice based on what she posts too... we can only always post advice based on the information given. Unless both parties post on here then the story and thus the advice will always be biased. Same as any story is when you only hear one side - it will by definition be biased!
And I disagree that she will more likely be the one in need of help than him - what would you be basing that assumption on? I know of far more blokes in real life who have been left seriously struggling thanks to their money grabbing ex wives than women who have been left hard done by due to their ex husbands swanning off...
If you feel that only women have the right to be believed then I'd suggest you might be better off opening a topic in DT or the Arms... not hijack a thread where someone has come to try and get help and support.

RAS

Let's unravel this can we?

CreditMonkey wrote: »

We were going to sell house but then she decided she wanted to keep it on and needed me to stay on mortgage as couldn't afford to buy me out

You have to get formal written agreement on how you deal with the house sooner rather than later.

CreditMonkey wrote: »

Mortgage £79k (value roughly 120k)
Secured loan £38k (ppi due to pay us 10k cashback in next 5 years)
- Is this in joint names?
- You need to research and see if you can reclaim the PPI as mis-sold anyway. Would reduce your debt
CCCS dmp £28k - is this joint? Whose name(S) are actually on each of the accounts in the DMP? Can you separate the debts onto his, hers and ours?

CreditMonkey wrote: »

We have a 5yr old and 3yr old children.

Two children, you pay 20 percent of your net income for maintenance, less if they stay over. Your wife is responsible for the costs of the household.

CreditMonkey wrote: »

We both work full time, i earn £21,500 and she gets roughly £25k

Do not know how much impact this has, but plainly you are not a cashcow.

CreditMonkey wrote: »

She told me if she paid mortgage and secured loan and i paid the dmp and the 3 yr olds playgroup fee's she would be happy. I moved out in august and left her the car and everything in the house. All i took were my clothes and a few personal items.

The current value of what you left is a material fact - effectively she is getting all your joint physical assets. List the costs, date of purchase and value of these items.

CreditMonkey wrote: »

I have just moved into a rented house with my brother after living in a friends spare room and have got to buy everything i need to live in house..

You do not need to buy stuff, you need to join www.freecycle.com or www.freegle.co.uk depending which operates in your areas. Get the stuff you need from there. Also tell ppeleyou work with and friends and some will have stuff you need.

Be prepared to skip raid as well.

CreditMonkey wrote: »

I have a company car so that wasn't an issue. She is now starting to demand money i dont have even though i'm sticking to her agreed terms.

So she maybe is waking up to the reality that when a family breaks up the money that failed to support a single household simply cannot not stretch to fund two households at anything like the same level of lifestyle?
Come over to DFw if you have not been there already and do a SOA and we will try and help.

In the mean-time rent, food, CT (you are off the house CT bill are you not?) maintenance and utilities are the priorities. You need to talk to CCCS about your DMP as it may not be appropriate for you to do a joint one, or it may be appropriate to reduce the payments now your costs have increased.

Mutter_2

MrsTine wrote: »

And if SHE comes on here with her side of the story we'll give HER advice based on what she posts too... we can only always post advice based on the information given. Unless both parties post on here then the story and thus the advice will always be biased. Same as any story is when you only hear one side - it will by definition be biased!
And I disagree that she will more likely be the one in need of help than him - what would you be basing that assumption on? I know of far more blokes in real life who have been left seriously struggling thanks to their money grabbing ex wives than women who have been left hard done by due to their ex husbands swanning off...
If you feel that only women have the right to be believed then I'd suggest you might be better off opening a topic in DT or the Arms... not hijack a thread where someone has come to try and get help and support.

Firstly, don't tell me where I should post.

Secondly, not a matter of whether the woman or man, simply all posters taken at their word when we have no idea who we are talking to.

Thirdly, but most importantly, she needs more help as she is caring for their two small children and holding down a job.

Be careful too regarding advice. According to a fellow poster, suggestions not advise. :rotfl:

MrsTinks

Mutter wrote: »

Firstly, don't tell me where I should post.

Secondly, not a matter of whether the woman or man, simply all posters taken at their word when we have no idea who we are talking to.

Thirdly, but most importantly, she needs more help as she is caring for their two small children and holding down a job.

Be careful too regarding advice. According to a fellow poster, suggestions not advise. :rotfl:

1 - I didn't tell you where to post - I suggested somewhere that might be more appropriate, nothing more.

2 - yes... that's rather my point about all posts being biased... and the nature of an online forum. We can only ever give advice based on the information given.

3 - for all we know she's coping just fine - based on what information we have then she earns more than the OP, she gets all the government support and credits etc and the OP says he is paying what she requested and they agreed he should pay. She has then continued to request further payments which is out of the OPs ability to pay. I'm not saying looking after 2 children isn't hard work - I have a partner and by jove looking after 1 is exhausting. But based on the information we have which is limited then the OP is struggling, he's not the one who made the choice to seperate or is at fault (he may be, but we don't have the information to make that assumption!).
What we DO have is a guy struggling to make ends meet, asking for financial advice and some moral support I suspect... Saying "tough luck pal, but I think your missus deserves more help than you because you posted on a forum asking for help and she didn't" is a little... contrary the to whole point of the forums existence is it not?

We offer what help and/or advice we can - even if it is only moral support in some cases...