Marriage Seperation - Help Please

CreditMonkey

My wife decided she didn't want me anymore and wanted a seperation. We were going to sell house but then she decided she wanted to keep it on and needed me to stay on mortgage as couldn't afford to buy me out Here is rough SOA and basically i want some advice from anyone with experience who can tell me what to expect or what to do please:

Mortgage £79k (value roughly 120k)
Secured loan £38k (ppi due to pay us 10k cashback in next 5 years)
CCCS dmp £28k

We have a 5yr old and 3yr old children.

We both work full time, i earn £21,500 and she gets roughly £25k

She told me if she paid mortgage and secured loan and i paid the dmp and the 3 yr olds playgroup fee's she would be happy. I moved out in august and left her the car and everything in the house. All i took were my clothes and a few personal items. I have just moved into a rented house with my brother after living in a friends spare room and have got to buy everything i need to live in house. I have a company car so that wasn't an issue. She is now starting to demand money i dont have even though i'm sticking to her agreed terms. Any advice please please please.

Morglin

Get a solicitor, who will establish what you are required to pay towards your children, and who will help protect your rights.

It is not (in law) up to your wife who pays what.

Lin

dizzybuff

Couldnt read and run .

Please do what is best for you and your kids and dont let your wife bleed you dry.

The fact she earns more than you as well as getting all the child benefit means she is quite comfortable..

I know you probly still love her , but its her decision . Your now my dear is get to a solicitors and get the agreement and seperation official.

If she cant afford to buy you out Put the house on the market. leaving her with a nice sum to put down as a deposit.

Do what is right by your kids.

Do you have a custody agreement ?


make things official and on paper .. then she wont be able to demand more . Always be there for your kids and never let them down ..

I know the above can destroy that bond you have ..

Good luck in what you choose

Diz

CreditMonkey

i been through very bad times thanks to her lying and cheating and i can honestly say i have no love for her whatsoever anymore. I will try and get solictor but i'm broke at the min after paying out deposit and rent in advance etc. It is very hard with kids though as she made it very awkward whenever i would try to visit cause she would just demand money the whole time. They can come to me now though when i can afford mattresses for the beds i was given for them.

dizzybuff

Have a look on freecycle for mattresses. - For the interim any way ..

It will pass my dear .. your kids still love you and thats what matters .

Visit and take your kids somewhere , feeding the ducks to the park or just for a walk.. Little things like that get rememebered.

Removing your kids from her presence helps alot.. Get one matress they are young enough to share at the moment and will probably see it as an adventure...

If they have a room make it their own . ( Arguiements and the room may have to have a dual personality but it will be worth it.)

Have a look at your local CAB website they may be able to point you in the direction of a bit of help and

http://www.fathers-4-justice.org/index.php?option=com_frontpage&Itemid=1

There should be some advise on there.

First things first , is sort all your money agreements out with her. Through a mediator if nessesary.

This website may be able to help

http://www.thefma.co.uk/

I hope this helps and it all sorts out soon and you can carry on being the daddy you want to be...

Dizx

Mutter_2

dizzybuff wrote: »

Couldnt read and run .

Please do what is best for you and your kids and dont let your wife bleed you dry.

The fact she earns more than you as well as getting all the child benefit means she is quite comfortable..

I know you probly still love her , but its her decision . Your now my dear is get to a solicitors and get the agreement and seperation official.

If she cant afford to buy you out Put the house on the market. leaving her with a nice sum to put down as a deposit.

Do what is right by your kids.

Do you have a custody agreement ?


make things official and on paper .. then she wont be able to demand more . Always be there for your kids and never let them down ..

I know the above can destroy that bond you have ..

Good luck in what you choose

Diz

What would be the point in selling the house? It is only worth 121k, so not large. Where else could she get a home for her, plus the children for less than that?
Also factor in all associated costs of moving and it would be ruinous. With a DMP in place, she wouldn't get a mortgage. Would you really advise the OP sells to see his children possibly living in rented accomodation?

Op, you and your wife both need to consult solicitors. First half hour free.
In the meantime, google(don't know if I am allowed to post link) wikivorce.

There are a number of Lawyers there who give their time free of charge.

Oldernotwiser

Are the DMP and secured loan in joint names? When are they both due to finish?

dizzybuff

Mutter wrote: »

What would be the point in selling the house? It is only worth 121k, so not large. Where else could she get a home for her, plus the children for less than that?
Also factor in all associated costs of moving and it would be ruinous. With a DMP in place, she wouldn't get a mortgage. Would you really advise the OP sells to see his children possibly living in rented accomodation?

Op, you and your wife both need to consult solicitors. First half hour free.
In the meantime, google(don't know if I am allowed to post link) wikivorce.

There are a number of Lawyers there who give their time free of charge.

I wouldnt advise anything ( I'm not qualifies to do so ), they are mearly suggestions, like I said do right by his kids ..

MrsTinks

So long as the OPs name is on the deeds he's financially stuck - that's why it may be worth selling the house. He won't get another mortgage so long as he's on that one and frankly once the mortgage is sorted my suggestion for the OP would be to consider bankruptcy... clean slate and much better mentally and financially especially with the children concerned. HOWEVER so long as he's on the mortgage the house would be considered in the bankruptcy and I would think letting his ex find a house after selling that one would be preferable to her getting told by OR that part of the house will be considered in the BR? Likely what would happen is a charging order or similar on the house - so basically HIS half would be "locked" when she came to sell. Thankfully whilst the children are in the house they are very unlikely to evict her so long as she can continue to pay the mortgage...

OP - contact CAB and get a free half hour consultation with a solicitor to discuss your options.

And look into bankruptcy... it's not as scary as it looks

MrsTinks

Oh and get an official agreement in place about maintenance payments for the kids... I know unofficial arrangements are great but I think in this case your ex has proven she won't stick to that so for your sake and peace of mind get an official arrangement in place

LilDevil

dizzybuff wrote: »

make things official and on paper .. then she wont be able to demand more .

Wouldn't bet your life on this, my DH has been told by CSA what to pay and his ex still went to a solicitor to demand more.