Is it time to ban Christmas presents? Blog and poll discussion

Ste_C

never_enough wrote: »

My friend, sister & I gave up buying presents about 5 years ago, brothers never bothered anyway. We none of us need anything & if we do we'd go & buy it! ..

Exactly. "Any CDs or DVDs you want? Anything else you need?"

"Why would I tell you this in October and then have to wait over 2 months to get it, when I could go out and buy it now? And even when I do finally get it from you at Christmas, what is the point seeing as I already know what it's going to be?"

Bargain_Rzl

Churchmouse wrote: »

Well I'm sorry, but I think too many of you ( including Martin ) need a proper dose of Christmas spirit I am a Christian, so am well aware of the true meaning of Christmas, but I also get enormous pleasure buying my family and friends gifts that I think they will enjoy.

Most of the problems seem to arise from this "equality" of gifts which actually is completely against the spirit of Christmas. Even those that agree with Martin take issue with his list of times for gift giving saying "why should I buy for newborns, I don't have children?" "why should I buy a wedding gift, I'm not married?" For goodness sake, if you only want to give to receive, don't bother!!!!!!! If equal spends matter to you, don't spend!! I buy the gift I think someone will like. If it costs tuppence or twenty pounds is of no relevance, it's the love behind it that matters. If you're giving a gift for any other reason than you love someone and want to bring them pleasure, then don't bother. Me, I'll be out trying to find lovely stuff that my friends and family will love, and I don't give a monkey's if I get anything back or not. Of course if they've bought me something nice ( value not an issue) then that too is lovely. One of the nicest gifts I've received was from a friend from this site that was more for my grandson than me, it was a lot of effort and I really appreciated the love that came with it.

Happy Christmas all

Good post, CM

To me, the exchange (even if it's one-sided) of gifts is a positive thing, in the spirit of generosity and wishing to please somebody.

I agree wholeheartedly with the general gist of Martin's blog post, which was really that people shouldn't be put under emotional and financial stress by something (Christmas) which is supposed to be about love and generosity and celebration.

I've never really been one for gratuitous overindulgence at Christmas anyway, so the concept of cutting back on the fairly restrained way in which I celebrate it is a bit alien to me. I've never really exchanged gifts outside of my immediate family, and we never did expensive gifts to begin with. More importantly, I suppose, we've also (mercifully) managed to get through life to date without developing some massive set of family politics around who is expected to spend Christmas with whom, and so forth.

Although I celebrate Christmas as a Christian, I don't believe this is the only reason why Christmas and all it entails for me is so enjoyable. I do realise that what's generally known as Christmas is a hybrid of several festivals from different traditions, but I seriously doubt any of those festivals ever set out to make people feel stressed, unhappy, empty or skint. If people feel forced to waste loads of money they don't have on creating some exhausting, superficial and expensive media-induced image of the "perfect Christmas", then that attitude is what they should re-evaluate. Not the well-intentioned and deeply culturally entrenched traditions of giving and receiving, spending quality time with people, and brightening up the dark winter months.

GM_Dunn

I agree that there is a lot of pressure to give gifts, not just a token gift, but things that I would consider to be a major purchase if I was buying it for myself/my household, such as laptops, cameras, TVs etc. I am amazed at the amount of money that shops are encouraging people to spend. There is an advert currently on TV where a mother is giving her daughter a laptop for about £400 pounds and also getting someone a camera for £80. How much is this store expecting this woman to spend over Christmas? Plus food etc, she is likely to need a loan! Adverts promoting such high expectations are very unfair, and make it more dificult to promote a different set of values.

When I was a child, people only got gifts at Christmas or birthdays, but now we shop all year round and generally don't wait for those items that we want - I am as guilty of this as anyone else - so many people neither need nor want anything at Christmas.

I was born and brought up as a Catholic, but no longer practice, but I still think that the Christmas message of love and peace is very important. This includes a place for gift-giving, but has become overwhelmed by commerce. My brother and sister and I now do not give each other personal gifts, but go for the "give a goat" variety of gift, which gives us something interesting to speculate about, and helps someone who really needs it. My friends and I are thinking of giving each other home made gifts, or perhaps having a day out together rather than buying gifts this year. I believe some people give a gift of their time or expertise, which seems a nice idea.

instaunt

I think the act of going out and buying presents for family and friends is a very large part of that "Christmas" feeling. If you're not feeling that (even when the presents suck) then YOU have a problem, not Christmas!

My daughter drew me a picture yesterday and it was totally unrecognisable as being the house she claimed it was. It has pride of place on my wall. The gift should not be judged by your standards but by the act itself and the person giving it.

Blonde_Bint

well said Martin lol. And please can you visit my 10 year old daughter and tell her that.

I do like to give the kids what they want for their birthdays and christmases, however, I do not bow to what others are giving their children. My purse and my bank balance dictate that and no outside force ever will, fortunately my husband is of the same mind.

Last year due to circumstance the kids had their slimest christmas ever, I honestly think we felt worse about it than they did.

I look at it as chewing on gristel whilest awaiting the feast:D

shaz22

My nana was born in 1911. She used to tell me that when she was a girl, for Christmas she would get an apple, an orange and a piece of coal which she could use to play a hopscotch. She never once mentioned Christmas as being a miserable occasion.

SP123_3

There's some interesting comments on this thread. Some I agree with, some I don't.

I think there has to be a middle ground though. I personally have 13 people to buy for now. They are all significant people in my life and the amount I'll spend on them will vary enormously, from a tenner for each of my friends to about £3-400 for my other half. I don't feel obliged to buy for any of these people, but I want to. And I don't care if they spend the same, more, or less on me. It's all about the intention and the thought that's put into the gifts. I don't buy for friends' children, as they are not important people to me.

My OH always struggles to know what to buy me, so now I make a list of things I'd like, and he'll pick some stuff off it. That way, there's still the element of surprise. TBH, although it's all stuff I could buy for myself, I still think there's something special about waiting and getting something you really would like as a gift from someone else - the fact they've put in the effort makes a difference.

In saying that, one of the best gifts I ever got was one I bought myself, with money from my grandmother. I bought a ring, and took it into hospital to show her. She thought it was wonderful. As she died a short time later, it's now one of my most treasured possessions, and even though I went to the shop myself and picked it out, I still consider it to be a gift from her.

I'm not sure I buy into the ditch Christmas and celebrate birthdays thing. My birthday is very close to Christmas, and one year all my friends and I decided not to do Christmas presents. I then didn't get any birthday cards or presents either! It's fair to say I felt a bit neglected, especially since comments were made when I was late with a birthday present for one of them a few weeks later.

Also don't agree that people are hard done by if they are single but buy wedding presents. At the end of the day, the couple have chosen to include you in their special day, and usually feed, water and entertain you in some way. That will have cost them a lot more than it costs you in a present!

FWIW, I know a lot of people who complain about the cost of Christmas, but who go out and spend a fortune on presents for people they barely know, or loads of food, or drinking at Christmas parties, works functions etc. I don't see the point in that - I seldom drink so can afford to fund good presents for those I love. It's all about your priorities, I guess. If people want to go out and get hammered, fine, that's their choice, but I don't see why they should then criticise me for spending my money in a different way.

InDebted2U_2

lisadupreez wrote: »

In our house (my, DH, DD) we have a small box each and when we think of something we would like for our own birthday/xmas/mothers day/general niceness, we put a written note in the box. Rule is you are not allowed to open your own box. The other person opens your box and takes an idea out if they want to give you a gift. That way you get something you want - and maybe you forgot that you put it in there so a really nice surprise.

What a fabulous idea. I think I might make this a plan for the new year. :T

The best gifts I've ever received have not been of any significant financial value, but of significant thought. One that still sticks in my mind is a 10p packet of sweets, because it had an underlying meaning that had nothing to do with the cost. However, presents that stick in the mind as being totally disappointing are those that clearly had no thought in them at all about what I'd like and were bought because a gift was in order. I've been in Tesco today and the quantity of over-priced cards, wrapping paper and 'gifts' (bottles of bubble bath you'd never pay £5 for for yourself and the like) made me feel like abandoning Xmas too. It didn't feel as though it had anything at all to do with the 'festive spirit' and just left me thinking about all the better uses that money could be put to by people who really need it.

But I do enjoy buying presents for family and close friends and the thought that goes into choosing something that will make them smile, be it a £1 charity shop find or £20 on a real treat. My parents were never much into the festive spirit and either didn't bother with presents when I was past a certain age (about 12 I think) or gave me money instead. This 'don't bother' attitude meant that for many years from my teens until I had a family of my own I found Xmas a very depressing time, and the only thing that was worse than receiving no token of thought was receiving utter tat that I would never have wanted in a million years from the outlaws. This is not about the need to buy or be bought things at Xmas, but about the gift of thought and enjoying some festive spirit together. At what other time does (almost) the whole nation celebrate together? And in the middle of winter we all need some cheering up. :A

All this said, I do tend to spend too much at Xmas because I enjoy giving so much and the time and thought I put into finding something that will be really appreciated. However, I feel that birthdays are more significant and personal, and I don't restrict gift-giving to just these two occasions if I spy something I know will make someone I love smile.

I'd like to change my Xmas shopping habits, both to save money and to move away from the consumer-fest Xmas has become. I've made a start this year by restricting what I'm buying the children and giving them cash to get what they really want for themselves in 'the sales', but I always stress how much I like to receive home-made gifts and I'd like to make that an even bigger feature in future years. I don't have a huge extended family to buy for so that isn't an issue for me, but is perhaps why I've tended to over-indulge the children at Xmas. If I could turn back the clock then I would teach them to have more modest expectations and might even not have a TV - no commercials!

This year I've decided I'm going to make all my own Xmas cards (either on computer or craft/recycled ones) and make a donation to charity for each which I'll tailor to the individual recipients - one friend will get a donation to Cat's Protection League, another will be Greenpeace and so on - this way I'll save money compared to buying charity cards like I usually do, and I feel the charities will get a bigger donation than from the sale of the ready-made cards. I'll pop a message on the back of each card to say who I've donated to on their behalf. I've thought many times about doing away with Xmas cards altogether but I like receiving them and the news they usually contain from friends I might not have been able to see as much as I'd like, and they definitely start to make it 'feel like Xmas' when they start to arrive.

The other thing I'd like to do this year is more recycling (reusable paper, etc). I've been thinking about how best to wrap presents to make the wrappings fully reusable, and to get away from garish commercial wrapping which ends up in the bin (albeit recycling bin mostly). I quite like the idea of getting some good old-fashioned brown parcel paper and using this with some pretty ribbons and maybe some hand-drawn pictures for decoration. I wonder how durable it would be? Would it stand being used again next year and the year after? I'm sure it must be stronger than the typical Xmas wrap. In my house we already recycle boxes and gifts bags, and I spent a lot of time last year carefully wrapping some old cardboard boxes for using over again for Xmas wrapping.

Any thoughts or suggestions on this and other Xmas recycling, home-made gifts and delivering children from the entrenched consumerism?

earthmother

InDebted2U wrote: »

Any thoughts or suggestions on this and other Xmas recycling, home-made gifts and delivering children from the entrenched consumerism?

It sounds like you're already well on the way, but if you haven't already, then take a look at the Celebrations board - loads of ideas for reusing things, and for using things you wouldn't normally think of, to make some great gifts.

originalkat

I can see where Martin is coming from but I have a big family and although money is very tight, I love giving presents. I get a lot of pleasure from finding gifts that have cost very little but are chosen with love to suit someone I know very well. I agree that it is a waste to buy something that will never be used so when I can afford it I like to give something like a magazine subscription to a magazine I know they enjoy but can't afford to buy all of the time. I also buy 'treats', e.g. days out. A family ticket to a local attraction, cinema tickets for a couple, with babysitting if necessary, are all good. This year as a xmas gift I am taking two 7 year old granddaughters to London for a day out between xmas and new year. £1 each way on the coach, packed lunch, 2 free museums, they chose one each, Hamleys, see the xmas lights and have dinner using points/vouchers. They have been talking about it for weeks and I am sure will talkabout it for weeks afterwards. Doesn't cost much except time and thought. I plan on doing something similar for most on my list.