OH in cloud cuckoo land

saintly_2

1st time ive posted on this board normally weddings and DFW!! im just so annoyed and frustrated with my OH so needed a rant

Over the last year and a half he has said he was moving to USA for a new job he had applied for, in talks with a company about a film he had written, mentioning new jobs that he has no qualifications to do and now talking about starting up a business with his mate and getting an 80k business loan as its his dream to run his own busines (since when). his head is up in the clouds!!

im so frustrated with him, he never went to the states, he was never in talks with a film company only his mates and with regards to this new business im at my wits end. all i will hear about for weeks is this new business and then nothing, it will fade away!

I do love him so much we are moving into rented accomodation as soon as some of my debts are paid off and saving for our wedding!! gods knows what will happen if his hair brained plan goes ahead with the business!

i need to try and get interested in what he is saying but all i can think here were go again!!! :rolleyes:

i need my OH to wake up and smell the bloody coffee, how the hell am i going to do that without telling him straight STOP TALKING BULLSH*T??

pelirocco

Sounds more worrying then just heads in the clouds tbh

saintly_2

i was worried someone would say that!! makes me worry a hell of a lot more!

rosered1963

Hi OP.

For the last year and a half he has been planning/wanting to move to the USA, yet you say you are planning to get married? Were you agreeing to go as well then? Not sure why you would want to marry him actually, as he does not sound ready for that commitment.

Hope it works out, but, if he likes to have one grand scheme after another that come to nothing, that doesn't sound like a person ready for marriage.

There is a bit of a lack or respect for him coming over in your post that does not bode well. Respect is very big part of a successful relationship, without stating the obvious.

Good luck

Minimum_Wage_2

the other way of attacking it is finding out the flaws in his plan

smartpicture

I had 4 years of subsidising my ex through his many flights of fancy, until I eventually lost all respect for him and we split. He was full of fantastic ideas about a career ranging from setting up his own cleaning company employing 30 people, to becoming a football manager! We spent a fortune on some of his slightly more practical fads such as sending him on a course to learn how to plaster, which cost £1000 and afterwards the only plastering he did was our bedroom wall which I had to pay someone else to do properly afterwards. He spent most of the 4 years being 'self-employed' in one way or another, contributing nothing and mostly sitting around dreaming of becoming a millionaire but not actually doing very much to make it happen.

Looking back, the signs were there, because before he met me he had about 24 different jobs and didn't really stick at any of them. Funnily enough, us splitting was the making of him, as once he had to pay his own rent & bills, it forced him to focus and he now makes a reasonable living doing fencing, and often thanks me for 'turning him into a businessman'. I just wish he'd made the effort when we were together, but the truth is I made it too easy for him, and he was someone who would always take the easy route.

I don't think your OH will change, so it's up to you to decide if you can accept that he lives in a dreamland and will never contribute equally to your relationship. He may have other qualities that outweigh this. Or you could try playing hardball, but the danger here is that you'll end up playing the role of mother. Or you do as I did, and accept that love isn't enough if the relationship makes you unhappy, and walk away.

saintly_2

thanks guys apreciate it, if he wanted to go to the USA i was willing to go as i could do an internal move with the company i currently work in. he is very enthusiastic about the wedding and helping with the plans so at least thats 1 thing.

he is fully aware that he subsidises any of his plans himself and if it goes tits up its losing his money as we will be keeping our finances seperate due to my debts. thankfully he is in a very secure job at the moment with a good weekly wage.

i can see what you mean about the respect, does read awful doesnt it ooops, i do have a lot of respect for my other half, its this dreamland that wrecks my head!!

i think i will have a chat to him to point out the flaws of the plan and hope that helps. when he is not in dreamland in my eyes he is my perfect man!! im hoping once we live in our own place with bills etc he might grow up a bit coz at the moment he gets far too pampered at home!

if not then who knows!!

rosered1963

Good Luck OP.

I have to agree with everything in Smartpicture's post - the role of playing "mother" is to be avoided as it will age you and wear you out. You need to have a serious talk with him. May you be happy, whatever happens!

pelirocco

Actually I was wondering if it was a mental health issue, his 'flights of fancy ' seem more fantasy then realistic

MrsTinks

I think most of us have fantasies about work and life - I'd love to be a paramedic and love watching reality shows about it - knowing full well that my tendonitis prevents me from ever fulfilling my dream. Likewise I would love one day to set up a pub/hotel with hubby and some really good friends of ours - it will never happen but we all like talking about it when we get together of an evening and have had a couple of drinks... But it's a dream/fantasy - unless we win the euro millions it'll never happen.

I think the OPs other half either has a LOT of growing up to do (based on him telling little porkies about his fantasies etc) or this is who he is and who he will always be - hun... you can't change him if this is who/what he's like. He will always be like this. Can you live with that? if not then tell him it stops now because you are not willing to put up with his fibbing and living in cloud cuckoo land...

Zazen999

How does he bring money into the household; does he actually work?