Debt free and buy a house by 35

Kepp

Congratulations! :T:T:T

So pleased for you!

Glad you'll still be updating - will be lovely to see you also achieve the buying the house part

andymc29

Thanks for the comments guys. Feels really good still but just wanting to start building some savings.

I thought I'd end this month with some money, but alas the debt demons are still after me! My car brakes had some serious trouble last week, total repair cost me over 400 pounds! So no savings at the end of this month! Maybe next month, although Christmas is here so that's not very likely! Oh well, maybe 2012 will be my year of building real savings.

gothrockchic1

Hi Andy, how is the saving going? Hope the car wasnt too expensive!

andymc29

The car repair was a little painful, but I've had time to recover from that now and have a bit of good news.....

I proposed to my girlfriend last Thursday and she said yes. We went ring shopping straight away and bought a very nice (and not too expensive) ring. We don't have a date set yet or anything but we've told the families and everyone's really pleased for us. Probably be about seven or eight months till the wedding, but we're not looking to spend more than ten grand total and pay for it ourselves without borrowing any money. She's turning out to be very sensible with money and not a money grabber in the way that I previously worried about.

So yes, still on track! We'll move in together very soon at her house and then straight after the wedding we'll be looking to sell her house and move into something bigger to be closer to Cambridge (where we both work) and start a family.

andymc29

Well, it's three months later. Let's post a quick update.

Our wedding planning is going well. We did end up planning it for mid June, giving us only five months to save to pay for it, and the total cost has spiralled to over 13k total. We're splitting the costs between us, but it does mean I have no spare money to try to start some kind of savings. Oh,and the engagement ring is on top of that. Most things have to be paid for two months before the date, which is later this month. So at least I'll have a few paydays without big costs coming out. And that leads into my current issue....

Had a talk with the fiance last night about saving for a house. My thoughts were that we would get married, go on honeymoon, and then open a joint savings account to save towards moving costs. Her opinion was that we open this account before the wedding and before we've even finished paying for anything, so I have no money in my own savings between now and getting married.

I was a little shocked by this, and she accused me of not having changed my attitude to money and that I was being a child when she was quizzing me on details of my finances.

Maybe I'm being too defensive, or stupid here, but I did quite like the idea of having some savings aside from the cost of moving house as a buffer incase of emergencies. But she seems to think this is me being untrusting about money. I don't know how to deal with this.... It's doing my head in that we can't seem to talk about anything without her calling me immature.

One example of her being un-reasonable, I was in the house aloneon sunday while she was at work, I noticed there wasn't much in the fridge and saw a few things I thought we would run out of before she went shopping today. So I popped down to Sainsburys and bought around ten quids worth of shopping. She had a big go at me over this saying I'm risking other food going off and that we can't be wasting money like this when we need to be saving every penny towards the wedding and moving house..... My big problem with this statement is that she didn't seem overly bothered about wasting money when I spent £150 taking her out for a posh dinner for her birthday two weeks ago, or me putting £200 towards her getting an Iphone4S, but me spending £10 at the shop on food is too much??????

Kepp

Hi Andy, nice to see you back

You're not being stupid at all - Martin actually recommends 6 months living costs as a good goal for emergency savings. Although that's an ideal, and a lot of people can't, especially with the way things are going for a lot of people, it certainly doesn't hurt to aim for it.

Particularly as you're aiming to buy a house and start a family, as let's face it, money really will be tight once you do those things.

I know we only get your side of things on here and you may be more inclined to post when venting so please do correct me if I'm wrong but this appears to be a recurring theme throughout your diary. Your fiancee appears to create arguments over money when things aren't going her way. You have done a lot for her (her being your main motivation for getting out of debt), and yet she appears very selfish.

I'm sure you are not perfect but it is not an immature attitude to buy some groceries it is an immature attitude to pick a fight over that when you have happily accepted £200 towards a phone.

It really sounds like you need to sit down with her and get some money issues ironed out once and for all. Even if she doesn't see a point too emergency savings (although I thought you said she was sensible with money) then she needs to respect your right to have them.

I know every couple has arguments and no-one is perfect but it seems that unless you do get these problems sorted out and soon then you are going to start married life already resenting her and that's not good for either of you.

Apologies if I've over-stepped the mark and I do hope you can get things sorted

MFWannabe

andymc29 wrote: »

Well, it's three months later. Let's post a quick update.

Our wedding planning is going well. We did end up planning it for mid June, giving us only five months to save to pay for it, and the total cost has spiralled to over 13k total. We're splitting the costs between us, but it does mean I have no spare money to try to start some kind of savings. Oh,and the engagement ring is on top of that. Most things have to be paid for two months before the date, which is later this month. So at least I'll have a few paydays without big costs coming out. And that leads into my current issue....

Had a talk with the fiance last night about saving for a house. My thoughts were that we would get married, go on honeymoon, and then open a joint savings account to save towards moving costs. Her opinion was that we open this account before the wedding and before we've even finished paying for anything, so I have no money in my own savings between now and getting married. - But doesn't she mean for both of your savings to go in to pay for wedding and moving house etc? Does she have seperate savings of her own? After all it is a joint savings account you are talking of opening, which means she is saying she will be paying into it too

I was a little shocked by this, and she accused me of not having changed my attitude to money and that I was being a child when she was quizzing me on details of my finances. - What do you mean by quizzing you about your finances? Were there issues before; did you hide your previous debts from her for a while?

Maybe I'm being too defensive, or stupid here, but I did quite like the idea of having some savings aside from the cost of moving house as a buffer incase of emergencies. But she seems to think this is me being untrusting about money. I don't know how to deal with this.... It's doing my head in that we can't seem to talk about anything without her calling me immature.
Have you explained that what you mean is you would quite like your own little seperate savings as well as joint savings? Perhaps you both need to make a compromise here and both have seperate ones as well as the joint one. Maybe put £100 per month into own and the rest in joint (Dependant on how much in total you have spare each month to save). Please also remember that she owns the house and is prepared to share that with you; putting money from current property towards new property i assume?

One example of her being un-reasonable, I was in the house aloneon sunday while she was at work, I noticed there wasn't much in the fridge and saw a few things I thought we would run out of before she went shopping today. So I popped down to Sainsburys and bought around ten quids worth of shopping. She had a big go at me over this saying I'm risking other food going off and that we can't be wasting money like this when we need to be saving every penny towards the wedding and moving house..... My big problem with this statement is that she didn't seem overly bothered about wasting money when I spent £150 taking her out for a posh dinner for her birthday two weeks ago, or me putting £200 towards her getting an Iphone4S, but me spending £10 at the shop on food is too much??????

Did you state this fact without being accusing? It is unreasonable to go mad about £10 on essential shopping when you have spent so much on needs rather than wants.I think if you are trying to save for new home and wedding then you should have both agreed beforehand that you cannot spend £150 on a posh dinner and the huge amount it costs to buy an iphone. You said previously that she is good with money; but that is you both spending a bit recklessly when that money could have gone on someting you need more. Are you sure she doesn't have any debts and that's why she's going so mad over the £10 you spent?
Have you both sat down and created a budget together? If not then i would suggest this so you both know where you stand with money and how much you each have to spend every month. Budget should include x amount each per month for spends; where you can spend it on what you like, with no questions asked; even if it's only £50

I hope you don't feel i've been harsh with anything i've said above, i've just looked at it from an outsiders point of view and tried to play referree

andymc29

No, she's not in debt. She has around 95k equity in her house, and 30k in ISA accounts. Teh way she's put it to me before is that she's very picky about what she spends money on. She's got no problem going out and spending over a hundred quid on underwear but refuses to pay the extra two quid to park in the middle of town. Likewise she's happy to spend £30 between us on having lunch in town but will get upset if I spend £10 on food at the shops that might possibly go off if not eaten.

I think she's been very sensible with money, but seems so focused now on the wedding and saving for a new home that she's forgotten about having fun. And I also feel very defensive about it because we're not even married yet, so if she's this picky when we're engaged, what will she be like come the summer when we're married?

Regarding quizzing me about my finances, she's always known about my debts, but never asked me how much, she said she wasn't interested how much I owed, only that I was dealing with it.

I've tried explaining that I want to feel secure by having my own savings account but she sees this as me keeping money away from our future plans. I do think couples should share their finances, but not if one of them is trying to control everything, which is how it feels here.

Kepp

So what is happening with the 30K she has in savings? It seems very unfair that she should have this kind of fund to fall back on her that is hers personally but doesn't want you to have your own?

Or is she putting all (or some of that) towards your future plans? As that does change things.

andymc29

No, her 30k in savings is what she calls her "life insurance" or "long term savings". She doesn't see it as something to spend on house moving costs or paying down the mortgage.

She's also shown that she's scared that I will go back into debt and potentially threaten what she's spent the last fifteen years saving up. And even though I keep telling her that her money is her money and not mine, it doesn't seem to sink in.

She seems to have a problem with me wanting to save some money in between now and the wedding if I've already got the wedding costs sorted.

We're no doubt going to chat about this again soon, this evening hopefully when I get home. I'm just going to be honest with her and say I'm not happy and getting dictated to regarding what I spend and save money on. I've worked too hard getting out of debt to be told what I can and can't do with my money.