He might want another baby but I don't

BeenieCat

Out of interest, why are you so against having a coil fitted?

I had mine in for over 6 years and never had any problems, aside from the first few periods after having it fitted were very heavy. I am quite adamant about not taking the Pill, but mainly because i'm personally rubbish at taking tablets and always forget to. Also because i prefer a non--hormonal method.

When i've had this baby i'll be getting another coil in.

JBD

OP aren't there other options available such as the implant? I'm not sure why you have immediately thought of a vasectomy when there are so many other options. Of course there may be problems with any form of contraception but male or female steralization should be regarded as permanent. Neither of you should even contemplate it until you are absolutely positive you don't want any more children. Also I noticed you referred to your 'boyfriend' rather than your husband or partner. I don't mean to judge your relationship but it doesn't neccessarily sound that permanent or stable.I have been steralised and it wasn't something I decided lightly. I was told that reversal would not be offered on the national health service, therefore I was aware that I would not be able to change my mind if my personal circumstances changed.
Again, I am not judging your relationship but apparently this is quite common ie person meets a new partner and changes their mind about having a baby.
It is perfectly possible that you may change your own mind sometime in the future, regardless of what your partner thinks. Finally I have to agree with some other posters-why do you think it is his responsibility? If you can't agree on contraception then surely it is in your own best interests to take care of this yourself.

ceridwen

Well - since you are quite adamant you dont want any more - then you could get the "snip" yourself - ie getting sterilised.

I suggest you google "Marie Stopes Clinics" and you can get that done privately - think it costs women currently about £1,400.

Problem over and dealt with permanently - and BF cant say you've "spoilt his chances" as YOU will be the one who has dealt with the issue.

Otherwise you have no option but to go on the Pill - as that would appear to be the only other method of guaranteeing there wont be any "accidents" ever again.

EDIT: here y'are:

www.mariestopes.org.uk

I know they're okay - as I've done that myself.

aliasojo

gorgeous_gwen wrote: »

He is completely against it. He won't consider it and as well as me being quite upset (although I understand he is very protective of his bits and his reasonings why!) it has brought up the issue that for him, one child may not be enough and he may want another in the future (but definitely not now.)

I think it's more about the finality and about having the choice taken away from him.

I think it's a subconscious thing with men, they're genetically programmed to breed and father children and even although they may not want them, they just dont like the option of having this basic function removed.

I wouldn't worry about this or blow it out of proportion OP. You're both singing from the same sheet at present, why fret about what might or might not happen in the future? Just find a method of birth control that's acceptable to you both right now. Alternatively, get sterilised yourelf.

shazrobo

i had my twins at the age of 24, and decided that two was deffinatly enough, and didnt want more children, my marriage broke up, i brought the kids up alone.
my OH, was in a relationship had a son, that relationship broke down, and he is denied access to his son. the heartbreak he suffered, made him want no more children, as he didnt want to risk it happening again.
we met, fell in love, and at the age of 38/39, we have both decided we'd like a child together.
what i'm saying op is nobody knows what the future holds

amandada

If I was adamant I didn't want more children (which I am) I'm damn sure I'd not be using the rythm method!!

I used a mirena coil (ok it's hormonal but I don't get periods-how MSE:D) because despite not wanting any more children either, my dh is reluctant to have the snip too (yes dear of course it will make you less manly:rolleyes:) but to be honest it's not something I'm going to make an issue of in an otherwise pretty good and strong marriage.
Don't get me wrong, it does bug me that he won't do it, but it just means that I make sure I take responsibility for conraception. Statistically anyway, the mirena's more reliable than the snip anyway.

jackieb

richardw wrote: »

Men will have the snip when they are ready, you can't push them into it.
Did you discuss children when you got seriously involved with each other?

My cousin pushed for her husband to get the snip after 2 children. She eventually left him for another man. I think that was an awful thing to do.

I know it's harder for a woman to get sterilised, but as you feel so strongly, wouldn't this be a better option?

Btw, my own husband volunteered (after 4 babies mind you ) as he said he was glad to do his bit - after all I had to carry them and give birth. But if your boyfriend is feeling pushed into it he might resent you.

maggied_2

GG - just to add my penny's worth

I agree with not pursuing the snip option - your BF's 29 and just had his first child - I can see why he's not desparate to have a vasectomy. Although you've had two children he hasn't....before anyone jumps on me and says he's taken on another child - he has, but the biological urge to have your own is very real.

My OH has a daughter from a previous relationship but he understands I want two of my own (at least ).

I also agree with Amandada - if you've had an 'accident' in the past then the rhythm method isn't the most reliable. OK if you can be very disciplined and take your temperature every day for the rest of your life but it only takes something one month where you ovulate earlier or later than usual, or maybe a drunken night of passion and boom another baby anyway!

If it's you who doesn't want more children then you should look for a long term solution for yourself.

Again - your BF's 29. Not to say that you won't stay together but if you don't he has a lot of child rearing years ahead of him.....it's a very big decision to ask him to take at this stage I think.

mumslave

Not every woman copes well with hormonal contraception though, I know I have struggled to find anything that suits me, not in terms of convinience but doesnt leave me deeply depressed or so horribly irritable that noone in their right mind would want to be around me, like having month long PMT! Over the years I have tried the depo (which not only turned me in to the cow from hell but left me bleeding almost every day for 9 months) and various versions of the pill, all of which had horrendous side effects, the evra patch which was probably the best out of the lot, but as i can be a bit forgetful, not reliable for me in that sense, the implant, which had to be removed 3 months later and the doctor actually advised me not to try the coil, finally agreeing hormonal contraception doesnt suit...another reason why i wanted to be steralised! But we cant afford private, and they say I am too young yet.

If the OP is similar to me in contraception issues, then I do have sympathy, its horrible putting yourself through rollercoasters trying to find one that doesnt turn you into a loon/make you bleed/need to be regularly remembered/insert horrible side effect here.

OP unless i missed it you havent said if steralisation has been discussed or is even an option you would consider. How do you feel about it? Yes it wont solve the issue of your boyfriend wanting more, but if you really dont want any more kids, then you may just have to make that call and hope he doesnt resent you for it later. I certainly agree it is not fair to have another child if the mother doesnt want (I presume it would be down to you to do all the care and so forth), thats just a recipe for disaster.

Oh and i do agree that you may change your mind yet, it may seem the furthest thing from your mind at the moment, but then I see you have a little baby, not many ladies want more when they have toddler years to get through! I know that we were totally adament we didnt want anymore, until we had our 'accident' and went through a terrible time as said earlier, before losing it. I ended up very badly wanting one more after that, and as you can see from my sig, got my wish. Even worse, when I had the miscarriage, because some close peeps knew I had been so unsure about wanting it, they went on about how it was a stroke of luck I had lost it...be very careful and if you do consider sterilisation make sure you are as certain as you can be.

kitschkitty

As horrible as it is to think but what if you split up or died even? If you're the one who doesn't want further children I think you can't ask your partner to have the snip.as he'd never be able to have children with anyone even if he wanted to.

If it were the other way round I know I'd not be happy in that situation.